Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has – Margaret Mead Myth #1: Leadership is a natural ability Some people think leadership is a skill you are born with and that leaders have a natural ability to make others follow them. […]
Discrimination is an important issue that we as humans need to tackle. I even have my own discrimination story. When I was young, I was discriminated against a lot.
I was discriminated against for not being a good student, for my ethnicity, for my social status. I was discriminated against for things I had control over and things I had no control over (like my parents’ income, my height). I was also discriminated against by my own family. My mom discriminated against me for being a girl (and not a boy) and for being sick while everyone else was healthy. Even my siblings excluded me for not being able to sing like them.
Back then, I felt very sad and miserable about it. I think I was very confused. It was hard for me to comprehend people’s discrimination towards things I had no control over. Now, over 35 years later, I am glad I experienced that discrimination.
Do you know why?
Read Discrimination: Speak Up! »
In over 1,100 posts on this blog, I have covered a lot of topics that lead to happiness. Today, I want to talk a little bit about the flipside of happiness – depression, because depression is a big issue for many families these days.
There are many depressed couples, depressed parents and more and more depressed kids. The most concerning of these are parents who suffer from depression, because they often raise kids that cannot handle life very well.
Some say depression runs in families. That is not surprising because I think if you take a perfectly normal and healthy child and raise them in a house where one or both parents are depressed, they will definitely grow up to be troubled.
Depression is something people do not like talking about. I know many families in which the depressed parent is dragging the whole family down but no one says anything. It is very much like having a parent who is alcoholic or terminally ill. Everyone walks around on eggshells but tries not to say anything. Not always because they are afraid, but often because they have given up trying to speak up.
It is no wonder most of us are such sore losers. Winning is easy and losing is not. Let’s face it, regardless their age, no one likes to lose. Even the word “losing” sounds devastating.
Unfortunately, parents who are sore losers tend to raise kids who are sore losers. So, what can we do to make sure losing is not so devastating? What’s the best approach to parenting sore losers?
When I had my early childhood center, we stopped using the word “losing”. We replaced it with words like learning, opportunities, testing, growing and evolving. It does not sound like much but it worked well for the kids. It takes away a lot of the heartache and pain.
To conclude The Art of Listening series, here are some tips on things to watch out for in deciding which listening style to adopt.
In previous posts, I covered situations when it is hard to listen, types of listening and how to become good listeners. However, putting all this into practice means you need to know when it is appropriate to adopt one style over another. There are some things to watch out for in making that decision.
Be a kind listener when:
1. The speaker is angry or in a bad mood.
2. The speaker feels judged or stressed.
3. When you want to please the listener or need something from him/her.
In Australia, we are halfway through another school holiday season. I love school holidays, even though I finished school many years ago. For parents, the holidays can be a stressful time. Here is an A-to-Z guide of what you can do with your kids these school holidays to make the time a bit easier.
Acting is a very healthy and fun thing for kids to do. Give them opportunities to rehearse a play and present it to you. They can make puppets and use a table as a stage. Be a very supportive audience and encourage them to perfume for you.
Beach is a great place to be in the school holiday. Give the kids a ball and some boxes to build sand castles and they will be busy for hours.
In this final post of How to Overcome Shyness, I have added a few more tip to help you and your child.
If strangers are your greatest fear, practice. Conquer your fear by starting conversations with total strangers. Say something to the bus driver or the supermarket cashier. You will conquer your feelings by feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Take the risk. It gets easier after.
If your need to control things causes you to be shy, try letting go of your attachment to the outcome. Give it a go and wait to see what will happen. Accept things as they are. “Whatever will, be will be”.
If your shyness comes from a fear of being hurt by someone you trust, try opening up slowly. Share something small with someone. Take small risks of self exposure. Most people will share a similar sized ‘something’. If you are a parent helping a child, expose yourself first to encourage your child to do the same.
Being shy can be pretty debilitating. And surprisingly, most people have experienced it at least once in their lives. In this part of “How to Overcome Shyness”, I want to share some tips with you on overcoming shyness.
We know from part one that there are three types of shyness: situational shyness (in specific situations), transitional shyness (during transitions or the process of change), and permanent shyness (in most social situations).
In the last post, I covered the four main causes of shyness: need for control, lack of trust, fear of being judged and being critical.
Now that we know the what and why behind shyness, I want to share some tips with you on how to overcome it. If you have kids, escort them in this exercise and help them practice the tips. You may have to be their facilitator.
In the previous shyness post, I explained about the three types of shyness: situational shyness (in specific situations), transitional shyness (during transitions or change) and permanent shyness (pretty much in all social situations).
To be able to overcome our shyness, we need to understand the reasons behind it. Here are the four main reasons why shyness occurs:
The first is a need for control. Shyness can start when people feel like they are outside their comfort zone. People who experience this kind of shyness usually know what is socially acceptable in certain situations, they ask questions to be sure, and they are good at thinking on their feet. These people prefer to talk about their strengths and things within their comfort zone, they are well prepared and like consistency. When things are unclear, unpredictable, or when someone pressures them, they worry and become anxious because they lose their sense of control.
Most people, young and old, have experienced being shy in social situations. Most people also seem to think they are shier than everyone else. Surprisingly, they are wrong. 98% of people think of themselves as shy. As children, some people lack the skills and lived experiences of coping in social environments, which makes them feel crippled and develop a sense of helplessness because of it.
Shyness can be debilitating. The good news is that it can be changed.
Shyness is a form of anxiety. The severity of the anxiety depends on the type of shyness.
Situational Shyness
Situational Shyness means experiencing anxiety in certain, specific situations. Examples include, during a test, in a big group, when standing on stage, while having to present or make a speech, when answering a question, having to think on your feet or trying to make a good impression. The main challenge in this shyness is the timing. It never feels like the ‘right’. You never feel ready to tackle the task before you.
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