role model Tag

Posts tagged 'role model'

I’m Disappointed in You!

Think of the last time anyone said to you, “I’m disappointed in you”. How did that make you feel?

Being disappointed is part of life. I guess it is one of the greatest challenges in life. Realizing that life is not happening the way you want and managing to push through despite it.

Although being disappointed is part of life, being disappointed in others should not be. When I work with my life coaching clients, we deal with a lot of disappointment. Sadly, what hurts them most is not self-disappointment – that things didn’t happen the way they “should have” – but being a disappointment to someone close.

When I think of all the times I have heard this, I can see two groups of people that express disappointment in my clients: teachers and parents, in this order. I dare say that they cause a lot of damage.

Disappointment is “sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one’s hopes or expectations”. Therefore, saying to someone, “I’m disappointed in you”, is telling that person he or she is not fulfilling your hopes and expectations.

Who are you to cause someone a bad feeling for not fulfilling your expectations?

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Singing Family Full of Joy

On my happy list, I wrote, “It makes me happy to listen to my kids singing”. This was true even when they were babies. I remember my youngest daughter Noff joining us in Alicia Keys’ song Fallin’ when she was one year old. She always joined on time and it made us all very happy.

Singing is a very sensitive thing for me. Well, it was very sensitive. Today, when I run workshops or stand in front of a big crowd during my presentations, no one can guess that years ago, when I was young, I sometimes had no voice. Speaking was difficult for me and singing was not even an option.

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Disrespectful Behavior is a Mirror: Talk With Kids, Not At Them

“Kids today are very disrespectful” is a common phrase I have heard a lot lately. Parents and teachers are very frustrated about this issue of respect. When children exhibit disrespectful behavior, they get into lots of conflicts and trouble and their ability to learn and absorb information is limited.

Respect is a very popular topic at home and at school. Most parents and teachers demand respect and by that, they do not understand that respect is earned and works like a mirror. When your behavior is disrespectful towards children, they will have no respect for you either.

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Leadership, Management and Parenting

My mother-in-law was an experienced teacher and a manager at an adult education institute. Many years ago, when she was still alive, she told me about a management course she was taking that shook her perception of her work. She was very surprised to discover that there were many types of managers.

After her course, we had many discussions about how management, leadership and parenting are very similar in their essence. At that time, I was running my first business, where I was a manager, a leader and a parent. I managed all the aspects of the business and led the educational program, while being a young mother.

I thought about these three roles we play for years and managed to combine them into something that worked really well for my family and me. Hopefully, the ideas below will work well for your family and you too.

Parenting is a management position. For the family “business” or “operation” to run properly, we need to manage time, manage our emotions and those of our family members, manage money, manage habits, manage education, manage health, manage work and manage time off. In fact, all aspects of family life, we even need to manage things we have no control over (yes, it is very frustrating that we cannot control everything).

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What Kids Really Need to Grow Up Healthy, Successful and Happy

Children do not really choose their parents (I say “really” because some people claim that we chose our parents in some karmic or spiritual way). Like it or not, they are born helpless and needy. Therefore, the power over the relationship is in the parents’ hands and the fate of the kids depends on the parents’ ability to care for them.

During my parenting workshops and seminars over the last 30 years of my career, I have seen many thousands of parents. I can tell you that parents are full of love for their kids and want to give them the world. If not, I would never have met them in my line of work…

Parents want their children to be healthy, successful and happy. That’s it! If I could sum up all of parents’ desires, they would fit into those three areas. I meet them when they feel they cannot do that, because their kids are not healthy (which is very hard for a parent), they struggle at school, lack social skills, have behavior issues or are simply unhappy. Too many times, their children need to overcome two or even three of these things.

My conclusion is that parents’ hearts are in the right place, but action always beats intention. Parents simply do not know what kids need in order to be healthy, successful and happy.

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What Others Think about You Is … None of Your Business

When I was young, if someone asked me to complete the sentence “What others think about you is …” I would have said, “the most important thing in life”. I thought that, because of how I grew up. My mom, who is over 75 years old now, still thinks that we live to impress other people and navigate our life based on what they think about us.

When I studied Education, I realized that most parents in the world teach this to their kids. At first, they say, “Whatever your parents think about you is the most important thing in life”. Later on, they say, “What your teachers think about you is also important”.

They are all very surprised when their kids become teenagers and transfer this to their peers and add, “Whatever your friends think about you is the most important thing in the world”.

It is a natural progression. If you practice worrying and navigate your life based on what others think about you, you become good at … worrying and navigating your life based on what others think about you.

Simple!

When you follow this path, you never learn who you are and how to navigate life based on what you think of yourself.

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What to Do if Your Child is Overweight and You Worry about Diabetes

When there are so many overweight people in the world and diabetes is a common problem, many parents are concerned about their kids’ weight and developing diabetes. Statistics from around the world is not very encouraging. It is estimated that 600 million people will be living with diabetes by 2035. Whether you like or not, you and your children are part of this statistics.

In 2015, the International Diabetes Federation (IDF) published their Diabetes Atlas, which estimates that:

– One in 11 adults has diabetes (422 million)
– One in two (46.5%) adults with diabetes is undiagnosed
– 12% of global health expenditure is spent on diabetes (USD673 billion)
– One in seven births is affected by gestational diabetes
– Three-quarters (75%) of people with diabetes live in low- and middle-income countries
– 542,000 children have type 1 diabetes
– Every six seconds, a person dies from diabetes (5 million deaths a year)
– China with over 100 million people with diabetes (ranked highest number of people with diabetes)
– Cambodia is the lowest in the world

Being overweight is just one possible cause of diabetes and it can be prevented. When children grow up with no health awareness, they become adults with no health awareness and their life can be harder, more expensive and shorter than average.

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Help Teachers Practice Social Responsibility

Being an educator, I think a lot about my role as a social activist. Yes, being a teacher is all about making a difference in the world by inspiring children to be the best they can be and to make a difference in their world.

You see, this is the best way to make the ripple continue. I have a social responsibility to give my students the tools to build this world and live in it in peace and harmony, with themselves, with the land they live on and with others. This way, they will continue this cycle with everyone they meet in their life.

Making a difference is on the agenda of everyone who considers becoming a teacher. It is part of the job description nobody ever reads before embarking on their teaching adventure, but everyone totally understands within a very short time of teaching.

Most of the time and energy of teachers is dedicated to literacy and numeracy and very little is dedicated to activism and making a difference. Most teachers, even those who understand their role well, are forced to drill the kids with more assignments, tests and pressure to perform. Social responsibility shrinks from providing values, morals and being a role model to producing obedient children who do not think for themselves and focus on survival and scores.

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How to Join Your Kids’ “Fun Club”

Last week, I worked with a 7-year-old kid and when I asked him what mom or dad can do to make him happy, he said, “Be fun”. When I asked him if he liked his teacher, he said with a big smile, “Yes. She’s fun!”

I have heard this phrase from children many times. For them, fun is a currency. This is how they measure their relationships with their parents or with other people. First, you need to be fun. Then, you fit on a scale from “a little fun” to “great fun”.

The opposite of fun is old

I have written about the fun incentive as a motivation tool. It is also a trust tool, because it is a fantastic way to build rapport with your children. From working with many kids and raising my own children, I know that if you are not fun, you are old! Every time they say it, I feel I deserve it.

So as a parent, you need to get into your kids’ “fun club”. If you are in, they consider you as a partner for life and you can instill many thoughts, beliefs and ideas in their mind, as the best role model. If you are not at all in the club, you stand no chance.

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How to Switch Your Parenting from Preaching to Teaching

In Parenting is Teaching, not Preaching, I explained why kids resent parents who take too long to explain things and why a relationship based on lecturing your kids is not healthy and makes the kids just not listen to you.

Today, I share five tips that will make the communication and cooperation at home better for you and show you how to switch your parenting from preaching to teaching.

1. No Pink Elephants

Parents are used to telling their kids what not to do. The words “don’t”, “stop” and “no” are very common in the parenting vocabulary. Unfortunately, using them only makes the child do more of what you are trying to stop. Read Beware of Pink Elephants for more.

Rather than telling your kids what not to do, tell them what you want them to do and notice how their behavior changes dramatically.

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