behavior / discipline Tag

Posts tagged 'behavior / discipline'

Parenting and Friendship: Why You Shouldn’t Be Your Child’s Best Friend

parent child relationship showing healthy parenting and friendship boundaries

When working with parents about their parenting style, I meet many parents disappointed with their relationship with their children.

And surprisingly, the problem often comes from the same place. Too many parents hold the false belief that they can become their children’s best friends.

They can’t. And more importantly, they shouldn’t.

This confusion between parenting and friendship is becoming more common in modern families. Parents want closeness. They want trust. They want their children to feel comfortable sharing their lives.

Children do not need another friend. They need a parent.

Read Parenting and Friendship: Why You Shouldn’t Be Your Child’s Best Friend »

Help Your Anti-Social Child Develop Strong Social Skills

anti-social child sitting alone at playground watching other children play

Parents come to me and say “I have an anti-social child”.

Most parents understand something very important about life: children with good social skills tend to be happier and more successful.

It begins early in childhood. The children who learn how to connect, communicate, and build friendships often grow into adults who find relationships easier, handle challenges better, and even live longer.

In fact, researchers have been studying the connection between social skills and well-being for decades. Psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad (2010) conducted a large study examining social relationships and health outcomes. She found that people with strong social connections had a 50% higher chance of living longer compared to those who were socially isolated.

That’s huge.

But what happens when you have an anti-social child?

What if your child prefers to stay alone, struggles to connect with others, or avoids social situations altogether?

Before we panic, we need to understand something very important.

Social skills exist on a spectrum.

Read Help Your Anti-Social Child Develop Strong Social Skills »

Weak Generation Myth: Why Every Generation Thinks the Next One Is Weaker

Every generation seems convinced that the next one is weaker. Less resilient. Less committed. Less capable.

And every generation is wrong.

Every generation calls the following one the weak generation.

If you look back honestly, you’ll see the pattern repeating itself again and again. Parents complained about their children. Teachers complained about their students. Elders complained about “kids these days.” Not because the next generation was failing or truly a weak generation — but because the world had changed, and the old tools no longer fit the new reality.

Plato complained that young people had bad manners and no respect for authority. Socrates worried that writing would weaken memory. Parents once feared novels, then radio, then television, then video games, and now screens.

The fear is always the same: “They have it too easy. They won’t cope. They are weaker than we were. They are a weak generation.”

I remember my dad saying it about my generation. Every generation says that because things were simpler in their generation and they believe the younger generation are slack, spoiled, and living an easy life.

Read Weak Generation Myth: Why Every Generation Thinks the Next One Is Weaker »

Turn on Your Motivation Switch with the Dopamine Reward System

I have been researching motivation for over 40 years. It started when I studied special education and realized that teaching people things without their ability to absorb it is a waste of energy. It was the first time ever I have learned about the motivation switch.

I was learning teaching techniques which were wonderful, but what made them successful was not my skills only but the person’s ability to receive.

This led me to the greatest philosophy in all my career. “It is not about what I have to give you, but what you are able to take”.

Motivation determines the ability to take what the world outside gives us. Motivation gives us the ability to be able to recognize what the world outside of us offers and only then the process of “taking” becomes active.

In my book “motivating kids” I explained how to turn on the motivation switch for children. In this post, I want to explain the brain function that builds this motivation from the inside and give you tricks and techniques to turn the motivation switch and stimulate motivation internally.

Read Turn on Your Motivation Switch with the Dopamine Reward System »

Mindfulness for Kids: Teaching Children the Gift of Silence

Child practicing mindfulness for kids during a quiet moment by the window

Silence is one of the greatest gifts we can offer our kids, yet it’s also one of the rarest. In a world full of notifications, background chatter, rushing, and constant stimulation, children rarely have the space to hear their own thoughts — or their own hearts. That’s why mindfulness for kids has become such an important tool.

And at the centre of that mindfulness, sits silence.

Silence is more than the absence of noise. It’s a gentle teacher. It teaches kids to slow down, pay attention, and understand themselves. It builds self-regulation, confidence, emotional maturity, and resilience — skills that stay with them for life.

In the silence series, I covered many aspects of the importance of silence in life. In this chapter, we’ll explore mindfulness for kids, why silence is essential for children’s emotional growth, how to introduce it without force, playful ways to help kids enjoy stillness, and simple quiet rituals you can bring into your home.

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Narcissism in Children: When Parenting Turns into a Mirror

Narcissism in children - an identity crisis

Narcissism in children rarely starts with arrogance or entitlement. More often, it begins with love—mixed with pressure.

Parents want to do well. They want their children to succeed. They want to feel proud, but when a child’s behavior starts to feel like a personal report card, something quietly shifts. The focus moves away from the child’s emotional world and toward the parent’s self-image. Children feel that shift instantly.

Most parents deeply love their children. They want them to feel confident, capable, and special. But sometimes, love quietly slips into over-praise, control, or emotional absence—and instead of growing self-worth, a child grows something else entirely.

Think of it like this: Self-worth is a strong internal spine. Narcissism is a shiny external costume.

When a child is either placed on a pedestal or left emotionally unseen, they don’t learn who they are, they learn who they’re expected to be. And if they grow up with a narcissistic parent, they often believe this dynamic is normal, even healthy.

This article explores how narcissism in children can develop through everyday parenting dynamics. How it differs from healthy self-esteem, what the research actually says, and—most importantly—how we can break the cycle and start experiencing our child as a separate human being rather than a reflection of yourself.

Read Narcissism in Children: When Parenting Turns into a Mirror »

The Danger of Believing “He’ll Grow Out of It”

In the wonderful journey of parenthood, we often encounter challenges that leave us scratching our heads, wondering how to navigate the troubled waters of raising children.

Whether it’s tantrums, defiance, or developmental delays, the phrase “He’ll grow out of it” has become a common strategy, offering just temporary comfort in moments of uncertainty. But what if I told you that this seemingly innocent phrase could be more harmful than helpful?

What if it isn’t just a passing phase? What if it’s a symptom of a deeper issue that requires attention and intervention? What happens if children learn that this is a good strategy to manipulate you and they practice it over and over again?

Read The Danger of Believing “He’ll Grow Out of It” »

Alternatives to Punishment: Positive Discipline for Happier, Stronger Kids

From early human history, punishment has been a dominant tool used by parents, educators, and governments. Most of us grow up with the belief that people act based on two main motivations — pain or pleasure. The classic “carrots and sticks” model seems to govern human behaviour, and for many families, this model continues to shape the way children are raised. There are alternatives to punishment.

Punishment is not simply a behavioural tool. Punishment is a manipulation strategy, often disguised as “teaching a lesson.” We use it to make others behave in a way that suits us, even when we say it is for their own good. When we punish children, we attempt to arrange life to meet our needs — not theirs.

Read Alternatives to Punishment: Positive Discipline for Happier, Stronger Kids »

It’s Hard to Say “I’m Sorry” When You’re Not

Kids sometimes do things that others don’t like. Sometimes, they break things and even hurt others. It’s important to help them understand what happened, but parents should never force them to say, “I’m sorry”.

I think the idea of saying “sorry” is distorted because of social “expectations” that if someone is hurt, we must have done something to cause it. This makes parents “teach” their kids to say “sorry” even if it comes without actual “sorrow”.

It’s very easy to see it with young children. They take a game away from another kid (sibling), the other kid cries. Immediately, the parents scold them and force them to go to the other kid and say they’re sorry.

This is humiliating. It plants in those kids the idea that saying “sorry” is admitting guilt, even if they don’t think they’re guilty. And it builds up and stays with the kids.

Read It’s Hard to Say “I’m Sorry” When You’re Not »

How to Have Better Communication with Children

Communication works like a bee. It can produce honey or sting. It’s true. Our communication is the tool we have to connect or destroy relationship. To be better parents, we need to develop better communication with our children.

When our kids are born, they have full trust in us. They trust us with their life. They have to, because without us, they would die. Literally.

Over the years, that trust is gradually lost. Not because the kids grow out of it, but because the parents change the way they communicate with their children.

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