Family MattersPractical Parenting Blog

Relationships / Marriage Category

Posts about getting along with others, especially life partners, but also kids, teens, friends and business associates

The Art of Relationships

People linking hands in a circle

I have been working with children, families and in the education space for over 38 years, and written many articles on many topics related to education, personal development, relationships, families, empowerment, leadership and parenting. This blog alone has over 1,400 original articles that I have written over the years.

During those years, I have been asked many questions about my philosophy and in this series, I wish to bring to you my philosophy about different topics in an interview format. Questions and Answers and today’s topic is “Art of relationship” as I see it.

This post is part 1 of 1 in the series Interviews with Ronit

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A Respectful Relationship Will Save Your Marriage

Man's hand and woman's hand holding a flower together

Respect is crucial for every relationship, and the foundation of every successful marriage. The problem in every relationship arises when we feel under attack, respect goes out the window.

It is easy to be respectful when everything is good and lovely. The real test comes when things are not easy and we no longer feel trusting, safe and secure.

Still, I think it is good to understand what a respectful relationship looks like, so you notice when you are not in that zone.

This post is part 34 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

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How to Clean Away Resentment and Be Happy

Couple showing resentment towards each other

Resentment is a destructive feeling. We get it from being forced to do things we don’t want to do. It comes from feeling powerless. But we can clear away resentment.

We’re all born with the disease to please. We learn thorough our parents’ behavior, and a set of “rewards” and “punishments”. This pressure to do what’s expected of us to avoid negative consequences develops a dependency on the approval of others. Later, when we go to school, we take this need to please others to the next level and eventually dedicate our lives to it.

The problem with pleasing others is that every second we spend trying to please someone else, we step further away from ourselves. We can’t find out who we are and express ourselves authentically. Many people find it very difficult to hear that it damages our self-image.

This post is part 7 of 49 in the series Make a List

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Better Family Relationships: How to Build Trust

Group of hands together

Family relationships can be hard, let’s be honest. We have a relationship with everyone we come in contact with. Some relationships are short. Some are long. Some are intimate, and others not so much. In every relationship, our actions affect the dynamic. We can’t just do or say whatever we want, whenever we want.

Why? Because we don’t exist in a bubble. Our words have meaning.

It’s amazing how many people are never exposed to the concept of effective and thoughtful communication. I find people of all ages coming to my leadership camps and saying, “How has no one ever taught me this?”

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Relationship Problems: Why You Shouldn’t Ask Why

Couple having relationship problems

Relationship problems are a natural part of life, and usually stems from either or both parties’ insecurity. Many people think that if they understand the source of a conflict, they will find a solution more easily. Sometimes, asking “Why?” helps, but often, it can cause more harm than good.

Why?

Because “Seek and you shall find”. When someone asks us a question, we activate a mechanism in the brain that searches for an answer. It will not rest until it finds one.

Questions are like playing “fetch” with a dog. Ask, and your mind’s “dog” will search for the “ball” (or “stick”).

Read Relationship Problems: Why You Shouldn’t Ask Why »

Domestic Violence is Devastating. We Need to Stop It!

Domestic violence scene

As we all know, the COVID-19 pandemic has affected almost every part of our daily life. Work, school and social engagements were adjusted to follow the restrictions. But the most troubling change is the huge increase in domestic violence all around the world.

Domestic violence has been damaging our society in more ways than COVID-19 ever will. But no one thinks we should shut down schools, states, airlines, restaurants, gyms or businesses until we eradicate it from our society. And we’re going to pay for this long after COVID-19 is gone.

Domestic violence is primarily directed at women and children. Why? Because they are more vulnerable.

Read Domestic Violence is Devastating. We Need to Stop It! »

How to Make Every Relationship You Want Good

Good relationship - holding hands

What makes a good relationship? Are there signs of a good relationship? What questions would you ask to find out if a relationship is good? How to have good relationships?

Every year, as September gets closer, my husband Gal and I think about relationships. This year, in September 2020, we’re celebrating 40 years of friendship. We’ve learned over the years that friendship is a special relationship worth celebrating.

When you spend many years with one person, you learn a lot about them. But mostly, you learn about yourself and what relationships mean.

This post is part 46 of 49 in the series Make a List

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Speak Your Truth for a Strong Relationship

Weird Old Couple

I’ve been in a relationship for 38 years, and I know it’s not always easy to speak your truth. When you bring two people together, they both need to compromise a lot and can’t easily balance the ratio between “give” and “take”.

Just recently, I had the chance to be on my own for 6 weeks when my husband went to drum in Africa. I realized that as partners and parents, we compromise many times, to the point where we might forget who we truly are.

When I say “compromise”, I don’t mean that anyone has any bad intentions. It happens naturally. When you live with other people, you can’t just do what you feel like doing. My son was also in Africa and my youngest daughter, who is 17, spent her time studying and having get-togethers with her friends, so she was not home either most of the time.

During those weeks, I examined 3 of my habits: sleep, eating and fun time. I realized I didn’t follow my natural cycles of sleeping, eating or doing fun things when my family members were around, because, first and foremost, I think of their timetable and their needs, and I juggle everyone else into a plan that would work. Me and my cycles are normally not part of the picture.

Don’t get me wrong. It was my choice. I just realized I had neglected part of myself.

Read Speak Your Truth for a Strong Relationship »

How to Have a Hot Relationship

Couple in a hot relationship lying on the grass

Having a relationship is like playing a game of “hot-cold”. We used to play it when we were kids. In this game, someone searched for a hidden object and we gave them clues by saying “hot” when they got close to it and “cold” when they moved away. I remember we used to say “steaming” when the person was very close and “freezing” when they were really far.

Relationships are exactly the same. If both partners are closer to fulfilling each other’s need, they have a hot relationship. If they are far from fulfilling each other’s needs, the relationship is cold.

When two people come together, each one is different from the other. They have a different history, different needs, different expectations, different styles of communication, different skills and talents. Yet, they find something in the other person that makes them attractive to them.

Think of attractive as “hot”, very attractive as “steaming”, unattractive as “cold”, and very unattractive as “freezing”. The scale from “freezing” to “steaming” can predict the quality of the relationship depending on where people sit on the scale.

I work with many couples who come for coaching to save their marriage or long-term relationship. Too many of them say that there is no warmth in their relationship. They have a freezing feeling which makes it hard for them to sustain the relationship.

This post is part 33 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

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Self-Regulation in Your Marriage

Bride and groom holding their hands in heart shape

Marriage is a give-and-take relationship. It succeeds when two people balance their own desires with those of their partner. If you have been married for a while, you know that this balancing act is not easy. It’s not easy because it requires regulation of thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and when this self-regulation takes too much energy, the person collapses and so does the relationship.

Regulation is a science. To understand why people reach this point of “no more” and consider separation or divorce, you need to know how to prevent yourself and your partner from reaching break point and how to separate external and internal regulation (self-regulation).

Regulation is the ability to control thoughts, feelings and behavior, instead of doing things on impulse. The more we practice, the stronger it gets, like a muscle. Once it is strong enough, it’s much easier to resist temptation and function according to a plan, rather than going with whatever comes our way or whoever applies more pressure. Just think of a baby that needs to hold his pee until he gets to the toilet. He needs to regulate his impulse to pee in his pants (or diaper).

Here are three research conclusions about self-regulations.

This post is part 1 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

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