acceptance / judgment / tolerance Tag

Posts tagged 'acceptance / judgment / tolerance'

Is Free Choice Real? How Pressure Affects Our Decisions

The concept of free choice has been examined since the dawn of time across all traditions and philosophies. At any moment of life, we are constantly choosing. We are choosing what to say, what to think, what to do, how to do it… It makes me wonder: do we truly have free choice?

The question here is not about choice but about freedom.

We always have a choice, but we don’t always have free choice. Even choosing not to choose is still a choice.

The concept of free choice has fascinated philosophers, psychologists, and spiritual traditions for thousands of years. The debate between free will and determinism has never been fully resolved.

Even in the Bible, after Cain killed his brother Abel, God told him that he had the freedom to choose, but did he?

For centuries, you can see many books and movies focusing on the same dilemma.

Do we really have free choice, or are our decisions determined by forces we cannot see?

As a life coach, I teach people to choose every day. I can tell you that as a mother, I do exactly the same thing. My eldest is now 37 years old, and I have practiced teaching her to choose for many years.

I chose the slogan “Happiness is a Choice” for my Be Happy in Life business many years ago because choosing is a big thing for me. I believe in all my heart that happiness is a choice but maybe it is not a free choice.

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The Magic Ratio of Give and Take in Relationships

Hugging is an equal act of giving and taking in relationship

In any relationship, there is a give and take. If we want a relationship to work, the balance between giving and taking needs to suit both parties. If one party is giving all the time and feel they take nothing or take less, this is when trouble begins.

Most people think that give and take needs to be equal. I think it can’t because the definition of equal is different to different people. Do we speak the same words? Do we complement exactly the same amount? Do we take turns causing heartache and pain? Or giving gifts?

Let’s explore this idea of “give and take” in relationships and figure out the magic ratio.

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Weak Generation Myth: Why Every Generation Thinks the Next One Is Weaker

Every generation seems convinced that the next one is weaker. Less resilient. Less committed. Less capable.

And every generation is wrong.

Every generation calls the following one the weak generation.

If you look back honestly, you’ll see the pattern repeating itself again and again. Parents complained about their children. Teachers complained about their students. Elders complained about “kids these days.” Not because the next generation was failing or truly a weak generation — but because the world had changed, and the old tools no longer fit the new reality.

Plato complained that young people had bad manners and no respect for authority. Socrates worried that writing would weaken memory. Parents once feared novels, then radio, then television, then video games, and now screens.

The fear is always the same: “They have it too easy. They won’t cope. They are weaker than we were. They are a weak generation.”

I remember my dad saying it about my generation. Every generation says that because things were simpler in their generation and they believe the younger generation are slack, spoiled, and living an easy life.

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Take Control: Choose to be Better, Not Bitter

Same person appearing twice looking in opposite directions

Control is something every human being wants. Adler once said that all human problems are the result of lack of control and/or lack of attention. Control plays a huge part of our life and to gain it, people will override many of their values, their dignity, wellbeing and even their humanity. Control is important to our existence.

Let’s be real. The only reason we want control is because… we feel out of control. Why is that? Why do humans feel out of control?

Well, the simple reason is that we are born like that. We start our life without any sense of control and from that moment on, our life journey is an awakening to the realization that even our death, is out of our control.

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A Respectful Relationship Will Save Your Marriage

Man's hand and woman's hand holding a flower together

Respect is crucial for every relationship, and the foundation of every successful marriage. The problem in every relationship arises when we feel under attack, respect goes out the window.

It is easy to be respectful when everything is good and lovely. The real test comes when things are not easy and we no longer feel trusting, safe and secure.

Still, I think it is good to understand what a respectful relationship looks like, so you notice when you are not in that zone.

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It’s Hard to Say “I’m Sorry” When You’re Not

Kids sometimes do things that others don’t like. Sometimes, they break things and even hurt others. It’s important to help them understand what happened, but parents should never force them to say, “I’m sorry”.

I think the idea of saying “sorry” is distorted because of social “expectations” that if someone is hurt, we must have done something to cause it. This makes parents “teach” their kids to say “sorry” even if it comes without actual “sorrow”.

It’s very easy to see it with young children. They take a game away from another kid (sibling), the other kid cries. Immediately, the parents scold them and force them to go to the other kid and say they’re sorry.

This is humiliating. It plants in those kids the idea that saying “sorry” is admitting guilt, even if they don’t think they’re guilty. And it builds up and stays with the kids.

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Better Family Relationships: How to Build Trust

Family relationships can be hard, let’s be honest. We have a relationship with everyone we come in contact with. Some relationships are short. Some are long. Some are intimate, and others not so much. In every relationship, our actions affect the dynamic. We can’t just do or say whatever we want, whenever we want.

Why? Because we don’t exist in a bubble. Our words have meaning.

It’s amazing how many people are never exposed to the concept of effective and thoughtful communication. I find people of all ages coming to my leadership camps and saying, “How has no one ever taught me this?”

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Relationship Problems: Why You Shouldn’t Ask Why

Relationship problems are a natural part of life, and usually stems from either or both parties’ insecurity. Many people think that if they understand the source of a conflict, they will find a solution more easily. Sometimes, asking “Why?” helps, but often, it can cause more harm than good.

Why?

Because “Seek and you shall find”. When someone asks us a question, we activate a mechanism in the brain that searches for an answer. It will not rest until it finds one.

Questions are like playing “fetch” with a dog. Ask, and your mind’s “dog” will search for the “ball” (or “stick”).

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Negative Emotions: How to Really Help Your Kids Manage Them

As parents, it’s natural for us to want to keep our children from feeling what we perceive as negative emotions. We want to keep them from suffering. But as hard as it is to admit, by doing so, we often do more harm than good.

Most people grow up thinking that our purpose in life is to avoid suffering. But it isn’t!

We aren’t supposed to avoid suffering, we’re supposed to manage it. We should never fight it, or even try to control it. We must live with it and find ways to use it to our advantage.

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How to Inspire Your Kids’ Natural Kindness

Toddles showing natural kindness to baby

Humans are kind in nature. Just watch young children. They are born with natural kindness. This is the main reason it’s so wonderful to be around children. They constantly give and engage in a way that makes you want to give in return.

Research has found that kindness is contagious. If you want to see it in action, try smiling at people as you pass them on the street. Smiling is an act of kindness! And when you smile, people smile back.

When babies see a puppet show with kind and affectionate characters, followed by rude and mean ones, they prefer the kind puppets. Yes, they were just babies. But they have an innate ability to mirror their surroundings. They can notice the tone of the voice and actions.

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