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Happy, Healthy, Successful Life Formula: Knowing vs. Doing

Person holding hands up at the top of a mountain

Everyone wants the formula for a happy, healthy, successful life. In fact, most of us spend enormous energy to find that formula, and we do it all our life. Recently, I had talks with many clients and friends and realized that the problem is not finding the formula but implementing it.

Most people say they know what to do but they just can’t do it. When I teach them something and they have an awakening or awareness or realization, most of the time, it is not because they don’t know what to do but because they found a way to implement something they already knew.

Did it happen to you that you read a book, went to a seminar, heard a podcast, and said, “I knew that”, but still you don’t do what you know?

Well, it happens to all of us.

This post is part 48 of 49 in the series Make a List

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Mastering Self-Care: Your A-to-Z Guide

Self-care has a very simple definition. It is the things we do, or avoid doing, in order to look after ourselves, physically and/or mentally. If you have a car, you need to maintain smooth operation with regular servicing and gasoline/electricity. If you want to travel safely in this life, you also need to care for your mind and body.

Self-care maintains our health and wellbeing so we can function and enjoy our life.

Many people confuse self-care with selfishness and roget that we never say our car is selfish when it needs service. We accept it and are even willing to pay for it.

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Increase Your Confidence Through Kindness

Woman looking at clouds spelling Believe in Yourself

We all want to be confident and raise confident children. In my workshops, when I ask parents to grant their kids four wishes, confidence is high on their list. Confidence is the faith we have that things will happen in a certain way or that we’ll manage whatever happens. It is a sense of satisfaction or happiness about things that happened or about to happen.

Most parents are very surprised when I tell them that kindness is a fantastic way to boost our confidence, so, let me show you what the connection is.

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I Didn’t Know I Was Already an Artist!

A very common question I ask all my clients is, “What would you do if you had no money constraints and didn’t have to work?” It is a good question because it allows the mind to free itself from the constraints of life and allows itself to want, simply want.

In life, instead of learning to want and go for our dreams, we learn to comply, to suppress our wants and do what is expected of us. We are born dreamers. Research says that this is at its peak when we are about 5 years old, starts to decline around 8 and reaches total devastation around 16 years old. By that stage, what seems hard is a “sign” we are not capable of achieving our dreams.

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Who’s Afraid of Exams?

Many children hate exams. If you ask them what they hate more than homework, they will tell you it is exams. They hate them because it is natural to be anxious in a situation that puts our abilities to the test.

Someone is looking at what you do, checking what you do and then judges you for it. Children don’t like to be judged. Well, in fact, no one likes to be judged.

Many parents say to me, “This is life and kids need to learn to live with it!” and I wonder if this really must be part of life and whether we must live in such a judgmental environment. Maybe we can transfer the focus from what others think about us to self-awareness and what we think about ourselves.

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Make a List: Self-Kindness

I have written a lot about kindness. I think that it makes the world go around and I like to think about it as a ripple. One act of kindness ripples and touches the lives of those who are far away from us.

The movie Pay it Forward showed the power of kindness in making the world a better place. I remember at the age of 16, I was a school captain and we had a teacher, named Reuben, who helped us a lot to change the lives of the students in our school. One day, a girl in the group asked him why he was dedicating so much time to us. He said, “If I make a difference in the lives of six of you, and each of you makes a difference in the lives of six other people, eventually, this world will be a better place”. I was 16 years old and this gave me a perfect understanding of the ripple effect of kindness.

For the last 32 years, I have been teaching emotional intelligence and kindness. used to be the part in EQ that we relate to others. In the last 10 years, it has changed for me as I became the state director of a not-for-profit organization, called “Together for Humanity”, which delivers diversity education.

Why?

This post is part 40 of 49 in the series Make a List

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Men vs. Women: 6 Stereotypical Differences

For many years, I stayed out of the “men vs. women” debate, mainly because of my dad. He is an old man who grew up in a very patriarchal and chauvinistic society, yet is the most admirable example of gender equality.

My dad cooked, took care of the kids, helped us with our did homework, cleaned the house (inside and outside), brushed our hair, did arts and craft and was never ashamed of any of it. He had four daughters and one son and I thought he was fair and equal in his attitude to boys and girls.

In fact, my dad’s behavior cluttered my outlook on life in a way, because whenever I heard someone talking about the stereotypical man, I said, “This is not true, because my dad is different”. Now, I have to admit that I was wrong. There is something true about the stereotypes about men and my dad was the odd one out.

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Stop Making More Money

Pay attention written in dollar note pattern

Liam was a very handsome man. When he entered my life coaching deck, I didn’t believe he was almost 40 years old. He looked 25 and I wondered what kind of woman would leave such a great-looking guy. On his client details form, he wrote that he had two boys and that his wife had left home suddenly and took the boys with her.

If he was the first man who came to coaching because his wife had left all of a sudden, I would have thought that something was wrong with his wife. Who on Earth leaves home all of a sudden? With two boys? After 12 years of marriage? But Liam was not the first and, unfortunately, will not be the last man whose wife left all of a sudden.

During the initial assessment of his life, he told a story of a great love, two well established professionals, parenting maturely, living in their own house and even owning an investment property. Their life was the ultimate picture of a perfect marriage.

“When did the relationship start shaking?” I asked Liam, trying to find the most reasonable explanation for “all of a sudden”. He said that it had started when his youngest daughter was born, about 4 years earlier, and then he told me the typical story of a marriage that brings wives to leave “all of a sudden”.

He worked until 8 or 9pm some days. He worked on weekends. His main goal was to make more money. For every problem he had at home, his solution was making more money. When his wife wanted him to take a day off and spend time with the family, his mind went straight to “If I made enough money, I wouldn’t have to go to work so many hours and then I could be with my family”.

This post is part 14 of 19 in the series From the Life Coaching Deck

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World Peace and Harmony through Kindness

Recently, I was asked to take part in a panel at the United Nations World Peace Conference. The panel members were chosen for being “inspiring people who contributed to world peace”, each in a different way. My way of spreading peace is, and always has been, education. I talked about how parents and teachers can make a difference in the world around us.

The organizers asked my son, Tsoof, who is a musician, to perform at the event, but he was booked. It was a last-minute request, so it was a long-shot, but we still needed entertainment for the day. Luckily, they only needed to fill three minutes.

As a last minute idea, I suggested a song that I had been using in my presentations for 10 years. This song is a big part of my global citizenship program and on some of my free hugs campaigns. It was Jewels’ song, Hands, which I think is my spiritual motto, “Only kindness matters”.

World peace promotion using baby looking in mirror with the writing “The world is like a mirror. If you smile at it, it smiles at you”We can teach kindness in schools if we want to make this world a better place. Some people in the audience recognized the song and as I read out the lyrics, everyone was moved. As the song was played, some tears were shed.

I wish I could have thought of the lyrics myself! They are so powerful and I thank Jewel for the inspiration.

Check out the lyrics for yourself and see if you are moved by them.

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Do Women Talk More Than Men? (Poll)

I’ve always believed that women talk more than men. I don’t know why. I’ve just had this belief for many years, even though I’ve been together with a man who talks more than I do.

If I had to come to conclusions about men and women’s talking habits based on my personal experience, I would say that men talked 50% to 70% more than women. Yet I still think women talk more. I think I have held this belief since childhood, because there is a social belief that women talk too much and I never bothered to question it.

In my parents’ house, my mom didn’t talk more than my dad. There were four sisters in the house, and we definitely talked more than our brother, who was very quiet. I always just thought my personal circumstances were different from the average.

When I got married, I thought I was just not a typical woman and my husband, Gal, was not a typical man. But maybe this is how you see yourself and your partner, too…

Read Do Women Talk More Than Men? (Poll) »

Happy, Healthy, Successful Life Formula: Knowing vs. Doing

Mastering Self-Care: Your A-to-Z Guide

Increase Your Confidence Through Kindness

I Didn’t Know I Was Already an Artist!

Who’s Afraid of Exams?

Men vs. Women: 6 Stereotypical Differences

Stop Making More Money

World Peace and Harmony through Kindness

Do Women Talk More Than Men? (Poll)

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