hope Tag

Posts tagged 'hope'

Contentment and Gratitude: How Green is Your Grass?

I’ve written a lot about happiness and realized that some people just don’t get that happiness is an idea, a thought, an action you choose. On the other hand, unhappiness is the absence of that idea. One of the things that make people miserable is always comparing themselves to others.

I guess the reason we compare is that we learn it from our parents. It is an essential part of life and an important factor in our evolution. We must have a definition of what is right and what is wrong to navigate through life. If green, vibrant, healthy grass is the definition of happiness, then yellow, dull, dying grass is the definition of misery.

So, it’s OK to look at other people’s grass to find better ways to treat ours. But it’s not so good to believe that “The grass is always greener on the other side”.

Do you know why it’s not good? Because it’s not true.

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Pursuing Parenthood: This is Your Chance!

On my living room wall, there is a picture of a woman with peacock feathers for hair. I drew it six years ago and called it “Mother”. I wanted my children to see it every day so they can see how much I love them and how proud I am being their mother.

Last week, when my youngest daughter and my son performed together, I asked them at the end of the show if they were able to see my feathers. They knew what I meant.

Over the years, working to help my clients work on their emotions, I came up with a new form of therapy. I call it “Pride Therapy”. I believe it is the cheapest, healthiest, fastest and most effective form of self-therapy. You work on your emotions, become a happy parent, raise happy kids and boost your happiness by being very proud of whatever your kids achieve.

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Blessings for You

I think of myself as very fortunate, because I have found a profession that is a purpose and does not feel like work at all. I discovered my purpose 32 years ago when I started my Special Education studies. Serving humanity is very fulfilling and it is great to help people find their own purpose in life.

On my bookshelf, there is a beautiful blackboard that says, “To teach is to touch a life forever”. I have given cards with this quote to many of my students over the years. Touching people, helping them open their eyes to the endless possibilities and empowering them to take charge is a great joy and has become my mission.

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The Devastating Relationship between Expectations and Conflicts

Conflicts determine the quality of every relationship. Even the most loving couples, friends or family members face conflict in their life. It is because we are different people, with different life experiences, tendencies, desires, fears, challenges and upbringing.

Every moment in time, whether we have judged it as a negative, positive or neutral, has molded us into the people we are today. We can define ourselves as the accumulation of all those split-second moments of experience and how they have affected us.

It is important to remember that even twins, having the same genetic code, do not have the same path in life, because each of them was in a different place in their mother’s womb, was born at a different time, has a different name and reacts differently to the same experiences. As hard as it may be to accept, the chances that two people will go through the same experience and come out of it the same way is zero.

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Stop Looking for Certainty and Have Faith

Certainty is a great asset in life. We all seek certainty. Some seek it inside themselves and others seek it externally. Some find it in faith, others in routine. Certainty gives us lots of confidence in the world around us. We use it to mourn the fact we were not born fortunetellers. We do not like the idea that we cannot control the future and this shakes our confidence. If we want confidence, we must lean on some things to will stay stable in our life.

I find certainty an overrated concept. In marriage, for example, people seek signs of certainty that they have chosen the right match.

One of my clients was very upset her boyfriend asked her to sign a prenuptial agreement and did not want to marry. I specifically say, “did not want to marry”, because she said that he did not want to marry her, but he did not want to marry anyone else either. He just did not believe in the institute of marriage.

When we examined this desire for certainty, we realized that if she married him in a flashy, white dress wedding, she had a greater chance of divorcing him. The more we discussed it, the more she realized that the intentions, the desire to work on the relationship and the commitment do not change if they have the same bank account, a white wedding or an expensive honeymoon. All couples start with the right intention and lucky us, they cannot see into the future.

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International Children’s Day and Educational Inspiration by Janusz Korczak

Every year, on international Children’s Day, I remind myself that I was once a child too and felt helpless and confused. It is hard to remember my thoughts and feelings from the early stages of my childhood, because they have faded over time. Still, after working with children and in service of children for 30 years, I would like to give the stage to one of my heroes, Janusz Korczak, who inspired me indirectly, through his philosophy and writing, to be the educator I am today.

I first heard about Janusz Korczak when I was a teenager and studied the Holocaust. Janusz Korczak was the pen name of Henryk Goldszmit. He was a Polish-Jewish educator, children’s author and pediatrician, who worked with orphans in Warsaw before and during World War II. Although he was offered sanctuary several times, he marched with 192 orphans to his death on August 7, 1942, at the Treblinka extermination camp.

Janusz Korczak holding a childWhen I was studying Education, I learned some more about Korczak and his philosophy about children and the attitude to children touched my heart. At that point, he became my hero. The more I learned about him, the more I understood how far our society and in our education system are from this attitude.

At that stage, I decided bring his philosophy into the life of my students. Later on, when my daughter was born, I also had a chance to integrate Korczak’s respect and love for children into my parenting.

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How to Have a Good Day Everyday

Martin was a gorgeous 7-year-old who came to me for child coaching. His mom called and said she felt she could not help him. He never had a good day. He did not even know what one looked like.

After an abusive relationship with her husband, she divorced him and moved away to start a new life. They had been living in a nice place and their life changed dramatically.

For the first six months after they divorced, Martin’s mom insisted on taking him to see his dad, but his dad did not show up. When his dad did show up, he was angry and aggressive and Martin refused to spend time with him.

Since his dad did not care whether he came or not, his mom decided to stop putting pressure on them to see each other. “Martin is way better than before. He used to cry and have nightmares, but it’s much better now”, she said.

Still, six months passed and Martin was angry, negative and grumpy and life was tough on him. He never smiled, the whole world was bad, it is everyone else’s fault and every tiny thing made him blow up with anger and throw temper tantrums. After years of abuse, Martin’s mom told me she needed help, because she felt she was losing her son.

So first, we played “If I were a wizard”.

This post is part 16 of 19 in the series From the Life Coaching Deck

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There Are No Hopeless Teens

As a teen, I faced many challenges with how the system viewed my abilities. Since then, I got a degree in Special Education and promised myself that no teen that crossed my path would ever be hopeless. Over the last 30 years, I have had the honor of working with many teens who were given up by the system and have done my best to act on my promise.

A young boy (let’s call him Aaron) came to see me 3 years ago. He was a tall and handsome young teen in a big body. He was in 10th grade and his mom was very worried about him. She raised him by herself, together with his youngest brother after a very challenging breakup.

Aaron attended one of the most prestigious private high schools, located over an hour and half’s drive from his home and his academic scores were low. He was failing in most of the subjects. He also got in trouble with every teacher possible and had no friends.

Every day was a challenge. In the morning, Aaron refused to go to school. In the afternoon, he refused to do his homework. The school told his mom that Aaron was hopeless. But he was just was a smart kid that was lost in the system.

This post is part 15 of 19 in the series From the Life Coaching Deck

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Shoes for Orphan Souls: When Giving is Receiving

When I was a kid, we had only two pairs of shoes each and most of them were “hand me downs” from older siblings and relatives. We sometimes got new shoes as birthday presents. When we asked for sports shoes that we needed for school, our parents would say that we should think about all kids in Africa who had nothing to eat, because for them, shoes were a luxury.

One day, when Noff asked for new shoes yet again, I said to her that while hers still sat on the shelf, kids in Africa would benefit from the shoes that were too small for her, which were in a perfect condition. I didn’t know then how true my words were.

Last year, I found out about a project called Shoes for Orphan Souls run by an organization in Texas whose focus is on giving shoes to orphans around the world. Shoes are very useful for kids in remote areas, where they need to walk for hours to bring water, to attend school or to reach a medical facility, and can contribute to better health.

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How to Calm Anxiety: 25 Easy Tips

In What is Anxiety, I explained the process of creating anxiety. Today, I want to start describing how to calm anxiety with simple, everyday tips anybody can do.

It is important to remember that Anxiety is a thinking process that we do in the present of imagining a negative future. Anxiety is the modern evolution of the “fight or flight” response. We are not certain about the future and we predict a horrible one. Most of us are very bad fortunetellers, but still most people try fortunetelling in hope that the future will somehow change from being scary to being great, if only in our mind.

It won’t, unless we change the way we go through that process, and actively, with intention, change it!

In this post and the next, I will share with you 59 tips on how to calm anxiety. Each of those tips can do the trick for short time and if you continue doing them, they will become a habit. All you need are 2-3 tips that you feel conferrable with and alternate them.

Some of the tips are very much applicable to children, so teach your kids to develop strategies to manage and calm their anxiety as soon as possible. Research shows that kids as young as 3 years old already experience anxiety, and if they live in a very anxious house, they will master anxiety very early in life.

In schools, we see many anxious kids and this can be very exhausting for the body. Think of your body in “fight or flight” mode 30 to 40 times a day. An anxious child becomes so sensitive that every word said around them becomes a lion or a snake. The road from here to developing full-blown anxiety disorder is not too long.

This post is part 2 of 3 in the series How to Deal with Anxiety

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