certainty Tag

Posts tagged 'certainty'

Stop Looking for Certainty and Have Faith

Certainty is a great asset in life. We all seek certainty. Some seek it inside themselves and others seek it externally. Some find it in faith, others in routine. Certainty gives us lots of confidence in the world around us. We use it to mourn the fact we were not born fortunetellers. We do not like the idea that we cannot control the future and this shakes our confidence. If we want confidence, we must lean on some things to will stay stable in our life.

I find certainty an overrated concept. In marriage, for example, people seek signs of certainty that they have chosen the right match.

One of my clients was very upset her boyfriend asked her to sign a prenuptial agreement and did not want to marry. I specifically say, “did not want to marry”, because she said that he did not want to marry her, but he did not want to marry anyone else either. He just did not believe in the institute of marriage.

When we examined this desire for certainty, we realized that if she married him in a flashy, white dress wedding, she had a greater chance of divorcing him. The more we discussed it, the more she realized that the intentions, the desire to work on the relationship and the commitment do not change if they have the same bank account, a white wedding or an expensive honeymoon. All couples start with the right intention and lucky us, they cannot see into the future.

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How to Control Anxiety: 35 More Tips

Anxiety is one of the most debilitating feelings we can have. We are anxious when we imagine a negative future. We do this in our head, triggering many processes in the brain that make us feel helpless and lost. Therefore, learning how to control anxiety can be very important in living a happy and healthy life.

Last week, I shared 25 tips on how to calm anxiety. Here are 35 more tips on how to control anxiety, which I hope you will find useful and easy to follow.

How to Control Anxiety Tips (26-59):

26. Tell yourself “I am safe” whenever you feel unsafe. Remember that anxiety is all in your head. Teach your head to say it whenever anxiety happens and it will do it after enough practice.

27. Set goals. Make sure to write them down. Having goals and having anxiety is the same process. We go into the future and in both of them, in our mind, but with goals, we imagine a positive future!

This post is part 3 of 3 in the series How to Deal with Anxiety

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Common Stress Causes

In 3 Strategies to Find Your Sources of Pressure, I explained why it is important to recognize the sources of our pressure in order to eliminate stress in life and gave three strategies to find the stress causes in your life. If you have used these strategies, you are ready to use this list of common stress causes to refine your findings.

1. Lack of sleep is a major cause of stress.

2. Craving is a small source of pressure. Whenever you say to yourself, “I have to eat/do/be something”, you are putting pressure on yourself.

3. Addictions are a huge cause of pressure. Why? Because when we don’t have that thing we are addicted to, our brain goes into panic attack. Addiction can be to food, drinks (alcohol, coke…) to people, routines. If you want to know if you are addicted, try leaving without that thing for 3 weeks and see how the pressure builds up.

4. Caffeine is a big source of addiction. When our body has overdoes of Caffeine (coffee, tea, coke and chocolate) it will become edgy. If you want to recognize how much it affects you, stop any caffeine for 3 days and notice how nervous you are because your body goes through withdrawal symptoms.

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Trust (or The Boy Who Cried Wolf)

Trust is a very important currency in marriage. It gives both partners a sense of certainty in the relationship, which helps it survive and remain strong. Certainty is a need we all have in life. Subconsciously, we would be willing to do a lot in order to have it met. When our sense of certainty is a bit shaky, we get anxious. This can be a killer in a relationship.

If you know the story of the boy who cried wolf, you understand why trust is so valuable. In the story, they boy would run to the village to beg the townspeople to help him. A wolf was chasing his sheep. The villagers rushed to help, only to discover that there was no wolf and the boy had lied. A week later, the boy did it again, and again, and again. The villagers came once, twice and even three time, and each time, there was no wolf. Until one day, the boy came running in a real panic, begging for help. A wolf was really chasing his sheep this time. But the villagers did not believe him. He had lied to them too many times. And the boy could only watch in horror as the wolf ate his sheep.

This post is part 28 of 32 in the series Save Your Marriage

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How Can Parents with Different Religions Raise Kids Successfully? (Q&A)

The question about two parents with different religions or belief systems raising kids has become very relevant in our society today. The world is much more multicultural and there are many mixed couples finding love and wondering about the impact of this on their kids.

My eldest daughter, Eden, is getting married in 2 months to her now-boyfriend, Sandy. Eden and Sandy are a gorgeous couple and we are very happy they found each other. No pressure or anything, but we are also very much looking forward to them having kids. The interesting thing is that Eden and Sandy come from two different cultural backgrounds, different languages and different faiths. Many of our family members and friends have been wondering about the “chance” of such a relationship succeeding and the difficulty in raising kids.

I cannot say exactly what will happen for Sandy and Eden. I am not a fortune teller after all. I am, however, the state director of a not for profit organization that provides education on diversity and advocates for religious and cultural tolerance. I strongly believe in this work.

In some way, Eden and Sandy have more similarities than many other couples do. For example, they are both migrants, both their parents are still together, they both value different cultures, they both speak languages other than English and appreciate others who speak other languages, they are both kind and accepting of others. I think the “chance” of a successful relationship depends not on the number of differences between them but in their ability to appreciate and take advantage of the similarities.

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Strong Affirmations: High Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is something that functions like fuel to the body. If we have high self-esteem, the ride is better in many ways. We move forward more smoothly, we have fewer problems and we get to our destination faster.

Everyone has some level of confidence in life. It is just that some people have more than others and they seem to go through life with much more success and happiness. People with high self-esteem have fewer doubts and they don’t blame their “ride” every time things don’t happen the way they want them to be.

Let’s face it, we can’t always get what we expect 100% of the time. If we could, we would be able to predict what will happen in the future (I don’t know if this is a better way to experience life but let’s leave this dilemma for another post). What we can do is make sure our beliefs set us on a very easy, smooth (as much as possible), happy and successful ride. If it can get us forward faster, all the better.

This blog is full of many beliefs about living life with confidence. I have written about ways to instill confidence in our children as parents or teachers. The list of affirmations that promote high self-esteem is endless. If I tried to write a list of them all, I would find myself spending years and never reaching the end of the list. There are millions of thoughts or combinations of thoughts that support high self-esteem and boost confidence. Notice these in yourself and in the world around you. Start collecting them and learning how to adopt them.

This post is part 1 of 6 in the series Affirmations

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Moving House Made Easy: Unpacking

You have gone through the huge process of moving to your new house – packing, scheduling, planning and the moving day itself. The hard part is over. The only thing left to do is unpacking all the boxes. This can be a very long process and will set the tone for living in your new house. Here are some tips from my experience.

My first suggestion is not to rush it. It is best to take time and consider where to put what, otherwise you will end up moving things back and forth from one place to another.

Another suggestion is do it yourself. Some years, I employed a packing and unpacking services. It worked well in some cases, but the unpacking was always a hassle. It seemed like a good idea but they put pressure on you to decide where to put things. It was never the right decision. Unpacking takes a bit of thought, and trial and error.

This post is part 12 of 13 in the series Moving House Made Easy

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Moving House Made Easy: Movers

Moving house can be a stressful situation. To make your life easier, find trustworthy and reliable movers. Adding unreliable movers to your list of things to deal with will make the move more expensive, not to mention draining emotionally, and you need all the energy you can get to manage such a big transition.

Some professional movers will take advantage of your situation and put pressure on you. To prepare, get 3 quotes for everything. Make sure there is an agreement they cannot get out of.

Some movers (called “removalists” in Australia) will come to your door on the day of the move and say that you have to add more money because you have more furniture than they thought when they gave you a quote. Or a cleaner might say, “Oh, I didn’t realize the carpet was so dirty” and since you are rushed to get it done on the day, you have no choice but to pay the extra before they are willing to start working.

This post is part 5 of 13 in the series Moving House Made Easy

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Moving House Made Easy: Spring Cleaning

Moving house has been a big part of my life. I have already moved 25 times, sometimes to another country on the other side of the world.

My first move was when I was 15. I do not remember anything since my mom and dad were in charge of moving. In the following 2 years, we moved again twice, to a rented apartment and then to a house, in which I lived for another 5 years.

From the 4th house to the 25th, in which I live today, I moved as a grownup. Some of the moves were as a student and in others I was already a parent. During one move, I was pregnant. Some house moving was to a different countries and even continent. I guess you can say I am a very experienced mover.

Many people ask me “What’s your moving secret? How did move so many times, and so successfully?” The answer is this:

This post is part 1 of 13 in the series Moving House Made Easy

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Six Human Needs: Contribution

Connection is the last of the six human needs.

In my last few posts on human needs, we talked about how people have needs for certainty, variety, significance, love & connection and growth. The last need left for us to discuss is contribution. If we think of our needs in pairs, growth and contribution go together. These two needs usually appear last, after we have found ways of attaining the other four needs.

Unlike some of the other needs, growth and contribution are not in conflict with each other. They do not need to be in balance. Rather, the more we have of one, the more we have of the other one.

In the last chapter, I gave some examples to increase personal growth. In this chapter, I will cover examples to improve contribution.

Contribution is any act or intention to act that improves the position of others. It can be a physical improvement or even an emotional improvement. If the interaction has made the other person feel better, even in a small way, you have contributed to someone else’s life.

This post is part 7 of 7 in the series Six Human Needs

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