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Home » hope » Page 2

How to Deal with Anxiety: What is Anxiety?

If you live in the past, you will suffer depression. If you live in the future, you will have anxiety. If you live in the present, you will be content. Lau Tzu

What is anxiety? Anxiety is one of the biggest problems of our society today. Research has found that it is one of the main reasons for sickness, relationship problems, crime and failure. People who are anxious have a bad physical reaction to thinking about the future.

Everybody feels anxiety sometimes. It is a natural reaction to what is perceived as danger – an evolution of the “fight or flight” response. While for most people, experiencing anxiety in small doses is normal and healthy, for others, feeling anxious about the future or about situations over which they have no control may cause real interference with daily living.

The problem is with the frequency of the fear and the perception of danger, when in fact there may be no real danger. When people experience mild anxiety, we call it “worrying”. When the fear takes over and blocks the person from living a normal life, we call it “Anxiety Disorder”.

Think about it this way: anxiety is when your mind goes towards a possible, horrible, bad, unpleasant future and you react to it NOW. No one is anxious when they think about getting compliments, or having a great time. We are anxious about something that MAY go wrong in the future.

This post is part 1 of 3 in the series How to Deal with Anxiety

Read How to Deal with Anxiety: What is Anxiety? »

Published: September 17, 2015 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: September 17, 2015In: Personal Development, Health / Wellbeing Tags: action, tips, research, health / wellbeing, focus, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, responsibility, control, feeling, success, mind, thought, emotional intelligence, change, practical parenting / parents, depression, motivation, anxiety, hope, role model, perception, fear, positive, failure, questions

What to Say When You Hear that Teen Life Sucks

Homeless teen life sucks

Sometimes, when I talk to teens, they tell me that teen life sucks.

It is sad to hear them say that at a time in their lives that is supposed to be wonderful, interesting and exciting. The teenage years are when they form their identity and it is sad to hear that they came to the conclusion that teen life sucks.

It is sad because if they believe it sucks, they are more likely to feel that it sucks. If they think teen life sucks, their subconscious will create a self-fulfilling prophecy, and their life will actually “suck”. It is not the thought that makes it true, it is that subconsciously, the thought will lead to action that will make it true. Whatever you believe, this is your reality.

Read What to Say When You Hear that Teen Life Sucks »

Published: July 14, 2015 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: August 31, 2020In: Personal Development, Teens / Teenagers Tags: teaching / teachers, choice, kids / children, action, teens / teenagers, beliefs, parenting teens, control, tips, change, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, happiness, emotions, hope, education / learning, self-fulfilling prophecy, feeling, focus, positive, thought, success, attitude, list, how to, questions

Developing Good Character Traits for Children: H to Z

Little girl dressed up as a butterfly

Good character traits are what every parent wants for their kids. We all know and believe that this can set them up for good, healthy, successful and happy lives. If we let go of the belief that character is something we are born with, something that is carved in stone, we realize that we, as parents, have the power to instill positive character in our kids.

We can give our kids those traits that they are going to need to run a happy and successful life, by instilling strong beliefs that support and build these good character traits.

In the last chapter, I gave examples of good character traits from A to G and what beliefs will support them. Here are the H- Z (well, H to W at least) traits and the beliefs that will support them.

This post is part 3 of 8 in the series Helping Kids Build Character

Read Developing Good Character Traits for Children: H to Z »

Published: June 2, 2015 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: December 26, 2019In: Kids / Children, Parenting Tags: personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, focus, happiness, education / learning, values, hope, list, skills, intelligence, emotional development, success, conflict, practical parenting / parents, emotional intelligence, social, positive, how to, attitude, choice, imagination, truth, kids / children, trust, self confidence / self esteem / self worth, beliefs

Don’t Clam Up

Clam shell

In previous chapters of the “Save your Marriage” series I explained the two communication patterns that can destroy every marriage: The king/queen and the nitpicker. As I said before, no one becomes a “king” or a “nitpicker” because they enjoy it. Most of the time, they do it on a subconscious level, because they grew up in a house where one or both parents were kings or nitpickers and made them feel small and helpless.

In the last chapters, I explained how parents who abuse or bully, like the “king/queen” or the “nitpicker”, can raise kids who are constantly on guard. In this chapter, I will explain how some parenting styles can “breed” kids who clam up and withdraw into their shells. This communication style can be very devastating for them in their future relationships and marriage.

This post is part 27 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

Read Don’t Clam Up »

Published: November 27, 2014 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: March 2, 2020In: Personal Development, Relationships / Marriage Tags: anger, focus, positive, abuse, kids / children, success, fear, self confidence / self esteem / self worth, choice, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, change, emotions, communication styles, feeling, relationships / marriage, partner, hope, practical parenting / parents, conflict, communication

The Nitpicker

Nit comb

In the last chapter of save your marriage, I explained how a “king/queen” mentality can impact even the most wonderful of relationships. Over time, kings only strengthen their position of feeling superior, which can drive any “servant” out of the relationship.

In this chapter, I will talk about the king’s cousin, the nitpicker.

In a similar way to the king who adopts his mentality from his upbringing, the nitpicker adopts his habits from his parents. Growing up with a parent who is a nitpicker starts a pattern that children carry on into adulthood. Depending on their emotional state, kids will choose to either adopt or totally reject this mentality. They will either be like their parents or avoid their company and adopt a completely new way to communicate. This is not a conscious decision. Most people are not even aware that they do it. That is why external help is necessary if you want to change from a nitpicking communicating style.

This post is part 24 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

Read The Nitpicker »

Published: September 23, 2014 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: October 29, 2018In: Relationships / Marriage Tags: focus, family matters, success, kids / children, how to, negative, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, control, feeling, separation, partner, change, planning, happiness, practical parenting / parents, communication styles, relationships / marriage, communication, hope

Goal Setting and Long Life

Set a goal

I was officially introduced to goal setting for the first time in my life when I was 18. I was doing a course at university, and goal setting was a very small component in it. I never realized how significantly it would impact the rest of my life.

Research published in Psychological Science says that setting goals, at any age, can add years to your life. I like to think of it in the opposite way as well: goals add life to your years. The study followed 6,000 people aged 20 to 75 for 14 years. The researchers where looking at three components:

1. If participants were goal oriented
2. If participants had more positive or negative relationships
3. If participants had more positive or negative feelings

Throughout the study, 569 participants died (about 9%). The researchers found that those who still lived had more goals and better relationships than those who died. The most surprising thing about the study was that it found that this was true for young participants as much as the elderly. Having goals led to better outcomes. Goals were an advantage for people who worked as well as for those who were retired. So goals get added to the formula for long life.

Read Goal Setting and Long Life »

Published: August 14, 2014 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: August 14, 2014In: Personal Development, Life Coaching, Parenting Tags: hope, academic performance, kids / children, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, focus, feeling, success, emotional development, how to, practical parenting / parents, failure, goals / goal setting, research, empowerment, Life Coaching

The King and His Servants

Crown

Being in a marriage or a close relationship is the secret to a long life. But it requires effort. If you want to save your marriage, it helps to learn about communication.

On our wedding days and during our honeymoon periods, we tend to be very accepting and flexible. Communication flows, even if we say nothing at all. It is the life that begins later, which tests the strength of our relationship. Slowly, day after day, the conversations, experiences together, arguments and stress create holes in our communication.

This can lead to the destruction of the relationship. In a happy relationship, time is a healer. In an unhappy relationship, time is a prison.

Some researchers claim they can listen to a married couple’s conversation and predict the success of their relationship about 90% of the time. 90%! That is a lot! With the couples that come to do my relationship coaching program, I can often tell from the way they talk to each other or about each other if their relationship is still as sweet as honey or whether they are feeling the bitter taste of separation.

This post is part 23 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

Read The King and His Servants »

Published: July 31, 2014 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: October 29, 2018In: Parenting, Relationships / Marriage Tags: change, practical parenting / parents, relationships / marriage, hope, communication, anger, focus, family matters, abuse, kids / children, success, negative, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, research, feeling, control, partner, separation, planning

10 Tips for Re-Building Trust

Woman sitting by a lake with large dog

Trust is a very important ingredient in relationships and when it is broken, it is hard to mend. In all the years I have been coaching couples, the most challenging were those whose trust has been broken.

My mom used to tell me, “It takes a long time to milk a cow but seconds to spill the milk in the bucket”. Trust is just the same. It takes a long time to build and seconds to destroy. My first suggestion for all you couple is to guard their trust at all costs because it is one of the hardest things to fix.

Trust is built on honesty and telling the truth. In every marriage, there is an agreement to be truthful. As soon as one person lies, even once, it is like forming a tiny crack in the milk buckets which slowly lets out all the milk.

This post is part 22 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

Read 10 Tips for Re-Building Trust »

Published: June 3, 2014 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: April 20, 2020In: Relationships / Marriage Tags: mind, relationships / marriage, hope, conflict, women, loss, communication, focus, tips, love, feeling, men, partner, truth, emotional development, trust, home / house

How to Feel Good: Take Time Off

Ronit and her Mother

During a recent presentation, someone asked me to share some tips on how to feel good. In the first post of the series How to Feel Good, I shared the science of endorphins – the feel good hormones. In the second, I covered the science of smiling. In this post, I suggest another great way to feel good – taking time off.

Last year, I took time off from everything (home, work, kids and Gal) and went overseas to spend some time with my family. It was a wonderful reminder for me about why we have take time off to recharge out emotional batteries.

Taking time off from daily life can have a positive impact on our health and wellbeing. It helps us regenerate and start fresh. Sleep is the body’s natural way of giving us time off. It “forces” us to rest so we can function. Did you know that without sleep, we would die? If you want to torture someone, you do not need to hurt them. Just deprive them of sleep for 2-3 night. Just ask any mom!

This post is part 3 of 4 in the series How to Feel Good

Read How to Feel Good: Take Time Off »

Published: May 29, 2014 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: December 25, 2019In: Health / Wellbeing Tags: mobile phone, travel, sleep, hobbies, research, vacation, time management, mind, academic performance, diet, happiness, positive, focus, motivation, tips, school, relationships / marriage, stress / pressure, meditation, hope, health / wellbeing, anxiety, memory, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, how to, lifestyle, partner, holidays, relaxation

Depression: Not Good for Parenting

Black dog of depression holding a man back

In over 1,100 posts on this blog, I have covered a lot of topics that lead to happiness. Today, I want to talk a little bit about the flipside of happiness – depression, because depression is a big issue for many families these days.

There are many depressed couples, depressed parents and more and more depressed kids. The most concerning of these are parents who suffer from depression, because they often raise kids that cannot handle life very well.

Some say depression runs in families. That is not surprising because I think if you take a perfectly normal and healthy child and raise them in a house where one or both parents are depressed, they will definitely grow up to be troubled.

Depression is something people do not like talking about. I know many families in which the depressed parent is dragging the whole family down but no one says anything. It is very much like having a parent who is alcoholic or terminally ill. Everyone walks around on eggshells but tries not to say anything. Not always because they are afraid, but often because they have given up trying to speak up.

Read Depression: Not Good for Parenting »

Published: May 27, 2014 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: November 9, 2021In: Parenting, Health / Wellbeing Tags: thought, aggressive, evaluation, focus, family matters, list, depression, sleep, practical parenting / parents, negative, assessment, action, social, video, mind, kids / children, happiness, stress / pressure, social skills, health / wellbeing, hope, feeling, anger

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