Unfortunately, there are a lot of things we should have learned at school, because as a society, we cannot rely on parents to be able to do it by themselves. For example, we cannot expect all parents to teach their kids literacy and numeracy because not all of them know enough and out of those who do, not many are also good at teaching.
Having lived in several places around the world and worked in multinational companies, I have a list of people who regularly send me interesting emails about family matters (mostly about being married), personal development, growing old and creating wealth. Every now and then, I get something from them I really want to share with others. One of these emails was a lecture by Barry Schwartz about wisdom and motivation.
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In one of the newsletters I get regularly, I received a link to the article titled “Social media…dirty word or essential skill?” I am sure most parents with Internet access and a teen or two would vote for “dirty word”, considering their kids’ obsessive texting, chatting and emailing.
Read Do As I Do »
This week, I have read (again) an alarming statistic about the rate of divorce and the devastating effect of divorce on children. When I think about my parents, I know I need to thank them in every way I can for being able to handle all the conflicts between them and reach their 50th anniversary.
Conflicts between parents are inevitable. After all, Mom and Dad are two separate people, coming from different backgrounds and sharing life together – a house, romance, kids and finances – in hope of making it the best experience ever.
In research done in 1982 (R.E. Emery) and 1990 (E. Mark), it was found that even young kids are strongly hurt by their parents’ conflicts. It is actually possible to measure parents’ anger through their kids’ psychological, behavioral an emotional state. When I worked with groups of 2-4 year-olds, I could tell when there was tension at home or when one of the parents was away from home.
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I was sitting one evening and flicking through the channels when my favorite program had yet another long commercial break. One of the other channels was showing “The Footy Show”, and I paused on it for a few seconds.
The word “Footy” is short for “Australian Rules Football”, one of the preferred sports in Australia. It involves two teams of muscular men with tight clothes and various helmets and bandages, running around on a field and chasing an egg-shaped ball, with the aim of kicking it between two posts. It’s “a man’s game”, you see, where tackles abound.
Just as I was watching, there was a short clip of an incident that had happened during the previous week, in which two players slid on the grass, both trying to get the ball. One of them got it, and as he was getting up, turned and stuck his knee in the face of the other player, who was still lying on the grass. I was horrified at this, but not so the commentators.
When I decided to write the post, after many requests, I was not sure if I should call it “5 Common Parenting Mistakes”. You see, calling something a mistake is a form of judgment, like saying there is a right way to do something.
But I do not believe there is a right way. I think there are many ways and they need to suit the person who implements them.
When I studied my Special Education degree, I learned hundreds, if not thousands, of education and psychology theories. It may sound surprising to you, but some of them were in contradiction with others.
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When I was 14, I promised myself to have words like Marianne Williamson’s speech for Nelson Mandela on the walls of my house to keep me inspired. For those of you who know me, my house has such writings on the walls, in every diary, on every photo album and on the bathroom mirror (in lipstick). I am inspired!
I feel Marianne Williamson captured my life’s journey in this fabulous quote. Many years ago, when I had to make the decision of what to do for a living (except breathing, eating and sleeping), it was the light I saw inside myself that led me to choose Special Education.
I came up with the belief that only people who have seen the light can guide others to find their own and that this is my life’s purpose. Therefore, I dedicated my life to working with gifted children and children with learning difficulties.
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What we think about ourselves is what we call our “Self Concept”. If you want to discover yours, simply ask yourself: Who am I?
This seemingly simple question is big, really big. Of course, your answers may be different, but most people include: social roles, physical appearance, health, relationships, location, achievements and skills.
How do we form this self concept?
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Applying for a parenting career requires no interviews and no application forms, though it is one of the most demanding and rewarding careers. Without the benefit of selection criteria, we discover that to be good parents, we need many skills and abilities that we do not learn at school.
Some people hope that these skills will show up in the delivery room together with their first born. Others say you either have them or you don’t. I believe that the magic of pregnancy and childbirth is not enough to make us parents and we can and should develop these skills over time.
Many parents report frustration and doubt regarding their parenting when their wonderful children reach teen age. They dread this period and express tension and even fear. Instead of getting closer to their growing children, their child’s first teen birthday marks the formation of “the generation gap”. Teens become emotional, irrational and mysterious. Parents ask themselves “Why do teens behave the way they do? Is it hormonal? Why are they so emotional? Is it normal?”
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