Family MattersPractical Parenting Blog

Intergenerational Program: Wisdom in the Wrinkles

Old hand holding young hand

Putting children and old people together may not seem like a good idea. What can they possibly have in common? What kind of activities can they do together?

It was a Thursday morning and several cars with elders arrived at the leadership camp I was running. I had spent the previous two days covering various aspects of leadership with my students, and this was the conclusion of our camp.

The student leaders were about to spend a day with some elders and focus on the differences and similarities between 12-year-old students and 70-85 year-old elders. I called it “Wisdom in the Wrinkles” mainly because from the kids’ perspective, there was nothing they thought they could learn from old men and women who looked wrinkly and frail.

We started the day with morning tea and played some trivia games together, which highlighted the students’ advantage with modern things and the elders’ advantage with history and general knowledge.

During a discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of being young or old, it was surprising to hear a variety of thoughts. Each group consisted of 4 students and 2-3 elders and the relationships they built were solid and positive. While sharing their discussions, the kids showed a lot of respect towards the elders and the elders showed a lot of respect towards the kids. It was a good start.

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Money Can Buy Happiness If You Use It Wisely

Hands holding a ball of $100 dollar bills

I grew up in a poor family. We were five children, my mom left home early in the morning and my dad was the town postman and when he finished his first job, he worked a second job as a handyman. “Money cannot buy happiness” was my parents’ motto.

Only later on, when I started making a lot of money as student, I realized that poor people come up with these beliefs about money to justify their lack of money and they disconnect money and happiness to give their life a better meaning. What my parents really meant was that we could be happy in many ways and money was not a condition to happiness. I agree with that.

Money brings an enormous feeling of happiness if you use it to … give.

Researchers at the University of British Columbia and Harvard Business School checked the connection between spending money and happiness and they found out amazing things that are important for all happiness seekers to know.

In one experiment, they gave students $5 or $20 and asked half of them to spend it on themselves and the other half to spend it on others. One group was taking the money and enjoying it, while the other was giving it to someone else to enjoy.

What they found was that the “givers” were significantly happier at the end of the day. So money can buy you happiness if you use it to make someone else happy.

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International Women’s Day 2016

1 in 3 women will be raped, beaten or abused in her lifetime - Amnesty International

Recently, I was asked to take part as a facilitator in the 2016 International Women’s Day at Griffith University, which was organized by a very good friend of mine, Wendy Flannery, from the amazing organization Believing Women for a Culture of Peace.

Do you ever think you know a lot about something and then discover that what you thought was very far from the way things really are?

I have been involved in diversity education for many years. During those years, I was convinced that I was aware of all the challenges women faced, so I was very surprised to discover just how unaware I was.

During the event, there was an introduction to the declaration for the dignity and human rights for women. We had speakers from different religions and they all declared that we are far away from having fair and equal rights for women.

The shocking bit for me was statistics of women’s position in the world, which highlighted the need for serious social change.

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Don’t Give Your Kids Psychiatric Drugs!

1 in 13 U.S. children take psychiatric drugs

No matter how hard parenting is, giving your child psychiatric drugs must be considered very seriously, because it is very often a bad idea. Here is why.

Working with parents and kids for 30 years, I can tell you that it is not easy to be a parent. It is not easy because unlike computers or other gadgets, kids do not come with an instruction manual and they do not behave in a way that is easy to predict.

Inexperienced parents react to things that do not work as they expect. Experienced parents, having raised other kids through the same situation, can see the patterns and not panic when something unexpected happens.

I realized this when I had an early childhood center. After working in a group of 30 toddlers, I became an experienced parent in a flash. Why? Because when you deal with 30 kids, you can see that when your child does not behave the way you expect, he/ she is still normal. When you see your toddler touching his/ her sex organs, you may think something is wrong with him/her, but when you see 30 toddlers doing it, and you see them stop when you do not pay attention to it, you feel a bit more relaxed about your own toddler and comfort yourself that he/she is normal.

Inexperienced parents have a problem with the concept of normality. Since they have nothing to compare to, they do not know what is normal and what is not and too often jump to the conclusion that something is wrong with their child and needs to be fixed. This fear and doubt mindset about children’s development, behavior and achievement can cause many problems, mainly because it determines the parents’ course of action.

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Addictions: Are you Addicted to Your Beliefs?

Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? - Rumi

When we hear the word “addiction”, we think of bad things. Most people think of drugs and alcohol, when in fact, we are all addicted to something even if we don’t drink alcohol or take illegal drugs. If every addiction were illegal, we would all be living outside the law.

Addiction is actually an idea. It’s the thought that we cannot live without something. When we are addicted to something, it is because we think/feel/believe that the thing we are addicted to is essential to our survival and the fear of living without it is greater than the fear of the consequences of consuming it.

That was a full on concept, but please read it again:

When we are addicted to something, it does not mean we don’t understand the consequences of consuming it. It means that the fear of not consuming it is greater.

This is why it is hard to fight addiction. Our subconscious mind is stronger than our understanding of the consequences so let’s stop talking about the consequences, because they will never be the reason we stop believing anything.

Research on addictions has found that consuming something (like drugs, alcohol or sugar) is not enough to become addicted to it. We consume it when we have a void, because it allows us to manage better with that void. People who connect well with others, are in a happy relationship, are active and have a good social life are less likely to become addicted. Therefore, the way to help everybody overcome addictions is not punishing them for finding a solution that gives them (brief moments of) comfort, but helping them create the connections they need to replace their addiction.

It is important to understand that we are not only addicted to substances, but also to thoughts and ideas. Even substance addictions are based on strong beliefs. In a research on alcohol consumption, participates were given water to drink, but were told they were drinking alcohol. They behaved later on as if they were drunk, showing impaired coordination, giggling and even throwing up, just because they BELIEVED they were drinking alcohol.

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Shoes for Orphan Souls: When Giving is Receiving

Shoes made from bottles on African feet

When I was a kid, we had only two pairs of shoes each and most of them were “hand me downs” from older siblings and relatives. We sometimes got new shoes as birthday presents. When we asked for sports shoes that we needed for school, our parents would say that we should think about all kids in Africa who had nothing to eat, because for them, shoes were a luxury.

One day, when Noff asked for new shoes yet again, I said to her that while hers still sat on the shelf, kids in Africa would benefit from the shoes that were too small for her, which were in a perfect condition. I didn’t know then how true my words were.

Last year, I found out about a project called Shoes for Orphan Souls run by an organization in Texas whose focus is on giving shoes to orphans around the world. Shoes are very useful for kids in remote areas, where they need to walk for hours to bring water, to attend school or to reach a medical facility, and can contribute to better health.

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Love without Boundaries: Watch this Inspiring Video

Love without boundaries - black man and pregnant white woman holding heart shaped hands

We learn about love from the second we are born. We are not always aware of the love around us, but it is always there – love without boundaries.

Some say that love is the energy that feeds us throughout life – it is food for our soul, and without it, we are doomed to die.

There have been many songs written about love. One of the interesting things about it is that most people learn to appreciate the love they took for granted when it is under threat or when it is tested.

On the flip-side, there is hatred and discrimination. For the last 8 years, I have been very active in the field of diversity education. I was sad to discover that there was a lot of discrimination and labeling, lots of bullying and bias towards others. And this was coming from children who simply cannot deal with others’ being different from them.

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World Peace and Harmony through Kindness

Recently, I was asked to take part in a panel at the United Nations World Peace Conference. The panel members were chosen for being “inspiring people who contributed to world peace”, each in a different way. My way of spreading peace is, and always has been, education. I talked about how parents and teachers can make a difference in the world around us.

The organizers asked my son, Tsoof, who is a musician, to perform at the event, but he was booked. It was a last-minute request, so it was a long-shot, but we still needed entertainment for the day. Luckily, they only needed to fill three minutes.

As a last minute idea, I suggested a song that I had been using in my presentations for 10 years. This song is a big part of my global citizenship program and on some of my free hugs campaigns. It was Jewels’ song, Hands, which I think is my spiritual motto, “Only kindness matters”.

World peace promotion using baby looking in mirror with the writing “The world is like a mirror. If you smile at it, it smiles at you”We can teach kindness in schools if we want to make this world a better place. Some people in the audience recognized the song and as I read out the lyrics, everyone was moved. As the song was played, some tears were shed.

I wish I could have thought of the lyrics myself! They are so powerful and I thank Jewel for the inspiration.

Check out the lyrics for yourself and see if you are moved by them.

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How to Eliminate the Top 7 Parenting Struggles

Father holding his young sons

Last month, I wrote about the top 7 things parents struggle with: emotions, social pressure, information overload, money, relationship and physical body. I think that if parents knew how to manage these things in their life, it would be easier and more enjoyable for them to parent their children to be happy, healthy and successful. Here are 7 tips to improve your skills in each area and eliminate the respective parenting struggles.

How to manage your emotions

Whenever you have a strong feeling and feel you are about to burst, stop! Examine the feeling, ask yourself “what is that thing I am feeling now?” giving it a name will slow you down and move you from your primitive brain – the fight or flight mode to the “thinking” mode. It will make sure you are more composed in your relationship with your children.

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Ronit Celebrating Diversity by Challenging Teachers’ Cultural Thinking

Teacher and elementary classroom

As teachers, we like to think of ourselves as very open-minded. We model this attitude and believe that open-minded teachers can raise open-minded students and when the mind is open, the possibilities are endless. Together with our students’ parents, we are the most important social agents in our society. Our best tool is to believe and be true to what we want to create. If we want to raise a whole generation of open-minded kids who are accepting, appreciating and celebrating diversity, we must first be living proof of what we want to teach and be able to ‘walk the talk’.

The first time I questioned my own open-mindedness was long before I became a teacher. I was 16 years old, and Israel and Egypt signed their famous peace contract. To start the official ‘relationship’ between the two countries, it was decided to send selected youth from both sides to meet each other. As a very ‘open-minded’ teen, I was chosen to be part of this unique delegation.

The Egyptian teens came to visit us in Israel. We had a great time together and one evening, the Israeli teens decided to visit the Egyptian teens in their room to see what they were doing. We knocked on the door and they were very happy to see us. They welcomed us in and we sat in one of the rooms and just watched them. We were completely shocked.

Why shocked? you might ask.

Because they acted like… teens. Same as us. They were listening to the same music we were listening to, their boys ‘hit on girls’, just like ours did, and their girls responded in exactly the same coy way as ours did. I vividly remember the question that popped into my head ‘What were you expecting?’

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