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Posts tagged 'teens / teenagers'

Handy Family Tips: What to Do When There is No Shaving Cream?

If you have teens in the house, I’m sure you will relate to this. If you have a teenage boy, he’s probably started shaving their facial hair. If you have a teenage girl, she’s probably started shaving her legs.

Recently, my youngest daughter started shaving her legs. She is very proud and happy with her smooth legs, admiring and sharing the results with the whole family.

This reminded me of myself, at her age. Except that I was not allowed to shave. So I did it in secret, which meant I could not use my dad’s shaving cream or he would find out. I always used the a bar of soap instead. It made my legs so dry, I had to put moisturizing cream on my legs every time. At least it wasn’t as bad as shaving with nothing at all and leaving my legs itchy and with the occasional cut.

Recently, I saw some things being posted about using hair conditioner as a substitute for shaving cream. It sounded like a good option and I decided to check it out. I discovered that it is even better than shaving cream! Even my son tried it on his facial hair and said it was fabulous.

This post is part 22 of 24 in the series Handy Family Tips

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Attachment Theory: Attachment Styles in Relationships and Marriages

So far, we’ve covered how attachment styles affect babies and individuals, but what about attachment styles in relationships and marriages?

Have you ever heard the theory that we pick partners who are similar to our parents? I have wondered about this over the years. My life partner, Gal is similar to my dad in some ways and totally different in many other ways. He is also similar to my mom in some ways and totally different to her in many other ways. I find it hard to either confirm or deny the theory.

While it is hard to decide if this theory works based on personal attributes, attachment theory claims that in some strange way we relate and attach to our partners and in a way that matches the attachment style that was created between us and our caregivers in those first years of our lives.

This post is part 6 of 6 in the series Attachment Theory

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Attachment Theory: Secure and Insecure Attachment in Adult Life

Secure and insecure attachment styles in babies produce different life styles in adults. Researchers have found that the relationship between babies and their parents (mainly moms) has a direct impact on their self-esteem and relationships as they grow older. Children who have a secure attachment will be more independent, have healthy connections with others, show higher emotional intelligence, perform better at school and have strong, steady relationships as adults.

If the world we live in is full of stress (which it is), then children with secure attachment will experience less depression and anxiety as adults, because they can manage their feelings better.

Through verbal and non-verbal communication, the relationship between parents and their babies in that first year of life gives the child a map with which to navigate the world and their experiences. This bond between parent and child during this critical time will shape their future relationship, teach them ways to calm themselves, manage stress, build their resilience and teach them how to find happiness and success in life.

I have often heard that babies only need to be fed, put to sleep, and changed in order to grow healthy. In fact, it is how we feed them and the way we put them to sleep or change and bath them that shapes the formation of attachment. It teaches them how life works and how they should behave.

This post is part 4 of 6 in the series Attachment Theory

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Peer Pressure: The Power of the Group

Teens are often criticized for not being able to stand up to peer pressure. In my parenting workshops I show parents and teachers how much they, as mature adults, grownups and parents, submit to group pressure. They are usually very shocked to discover how many things they do that do not match their own thoughts and beliefs, and how strong their desire is to be accepted, not judged and not criticized by the people around them.

Being social creatures makes us compromise our thoughts and beliefs to match those of the society we live in. It is in some way a survival mechanism that got out of control. In the beginning, we did it to survive in the group. Later on we have to obey the group if we want to be accepted in.

The power of peer pressure was examined many years ago in a famous study called “Asch’s conformity experiment”. This short video can explain how easy it is conform.

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Teen Driving

If your teenager has just started driving, you must be feeling just like me, worried. My son Tsoof got his driving license this year. He is a very calm and relaxed driver, he does not drink and does not drive at night very often. Still, if he comes home from a party late at night, I get a bit worried.

Why? Because other teens his age, who are on the road at the same time, are also driving.

This is not a very productive feeling to have as a parent. After all, we must empower our teens to be responsible and safe on the road and not scare them that “driving = danger”.

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Choice Theory: Happy Classrooms

Teachers can make the classroom a happy environment for children by addressing the basic needs based on the choice theory and making sure kids have a choice.

In previous blog posts on choice theory, I explained William Glasser’s theory that everything we do in our life is a result of our choice. It is applicable to parenting, business, management, and relationships. It is very applicable to education and the way classrooms are designed.

Unfortunately, most classrooms are not places where one can be free to follow the basic needs based on the choice theory.

This post is part 5 of 6 in the series Choice Theory

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Teaching & Education Beliefs: I Am an Educator

In today’s part of Teaching & Education Beliefs, I want to share with you the first 20 of the top 100 beliefs I have about teaching and education.

Last week we discussed where beliefs about teaching come from: from our parents and our own teachers. In this post, I want to share some helpful tips that I found useful through my career.

1. I am an educator. I teach, I coach, I present, I motivate, I do public speaking, I write, I do my community work. In all those roles, I educate kids and grownups on how to find the gifts they have inside and let themselves shine.

2. School is not a place where kids come to gain knowledge; it is a small version of real life. Children have opportunities to use trial and error without detrimental consequences. Kids come to school to learn about themselves, grow and evolve.

This post is part 2 of 6 in the series Teaching & Education Beliefs

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Complaining about the New Generation (Cont.)

Comparing between the old and new generations bring lots of grief to children today. Last week we talked about the dangers of comparing, the risks of having an old vs. new mentality. This time, I would like to offer a more even way of comparing. A perspective where the old generation, my generation, learns to appreciate what each of us has brought to the table, rater than idealizing the old way.

Try to figure out how old the grandmother is in this story.

One day, a young boy asked his grandma about her thoughts regarding changes that happened in the world since she was born. This is what she said…

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Complaining about the New Generation

In my work with parents and teachers I hear lots of complaints about the “new generation”. Adults seem to think that “children these days are selfish, materialistic, impulsive and have no respect”. This makes me really worried. Not because kids today are like that but because the older generation, my generation, holds on to these thoughts. In life, we get what we focus on.

The rules of the self fulfilling prophecy claim that whenever you treat someone in a certain way, you will eventually make them behave like that. So, if the new generation is treated like they are disrespectful, selfish, materialist and impulsive, they will eventually be like that. In other word, you see the world through the lenses you put on. If you want to change what you see, change your lenses.

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My Anti -TV campaign

As an advocate of emotional intelligence, I object to kids watching TV. Everything I try to give them, the TV is destroying. I think bringing a TV home is like bringing the opposition into your living room, to tell your kids that you, the parent is wrong. Why would you do that?

When Eden was young and we were a young couple, we did not have a TV at home. My grandmother, who wanted to buy a new TV, suggested we take hers and we refused. We worked and when we were home, there were better things to do with our time than watch TV. Some family members and friends thought we were nuts and that we were not preparing our daughter to live in the real world. 24 years later, I can tell you, she is prepared for the real world, maybe even better than many other kids her age.

A month ago, Brisbane experienced a huge storm and trees were up rooted not far from us (it was really scary). Many houses experienced major damage and were without electricity for days (Many difficulties pop up when you do not have electricity for 3 days. We depend on electricity so much). We were the lucky ones. The only thing that happened to us was that our 20 year old 25 inch TV shorted (even though it had a surge protector). Tsoof and Gal were very happy because they have been wanting to buy a new TV for a year. Eden and I were not very happy. We ended up buying a huge TV with the promise to only watch videos and minimize watching TV.

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