Teens Don’t Stand a Chance Against the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Young woman at her laptop surrounded by social media icons

This week, I received a post that Jennifer Satterwhite wrote called Parenting a teen and other things that make you stupid. “Catchy heading”, I said to myself, “It is about teens and it is close to my heart, so I went (well, I clicked a few clicks) to read it. It was very sad to read how terrible teens seem in some parents’ eyes. Parents interpreting everything their teens do as negative and disrespectful do not leave much room for the teen to grow and evolve.

The most famous research was done many years ago when two great teachers were given 2 classes to teach. Back then, they used to put all the “good” kids in one class and all the “not so good” kids in another class. They told the teachers with the “good” class, “Unfortunately, this is the worst class in the whole school”, and to the other teacher with the very troubled class they said, “Lucky you, you have the best class in the school”. And what do you know, at the end of year they realised that the grades in the “good” class dropped and the grade in the “not so good class” went up high. You probably ask yourself, “How could that happen?”

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When Do Kids Learn Left and Right and How to Teach It Best

Little girl in her mother's lap in front of a laptop

Telling left from right is very useful in life. Without it, we lose our sense of direction. Every parent tries to teach their young children to tell which is their right hand, and which is their left, so they can do basic things.

Many parents ask me why their children confuse right and left and how to teach them easily.

The reason children confuse between right and left can be organic (learning difficulties), emotional (stress and low emotional intelligence) or bad teaching.

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Who’s Afraid of Teens Using Drugs?

Research with parent and children indicates that one of the most effective methods to prevent young people from using drugs is a devoted parent who spends time with their teens, talks with them (not to them) about their friends, their school, their sports and what interests them. The research also reports that teens appreciate parents’ advice and care a lot about what their parents think of them, their actions and their friends and consider this parental feedback a sign of caring.

But how do we get to be our teens’ friends?

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Anorexia: Dying to Be Thin!

I recently spent some time coaching a woman suffering from Anorexia Nervosa. She weighed 32kg and would not eat to save her life!

A study in high schools in Canada found that 50% of girls were on a diet because they thought they were overweight. If your daughter is young and you think, “I’ll deal with it when she is a teen”, think again. Records show that eating disorders are increasingly seen in children as young as 10. A research in Canada in 2002 found 37% of Canadian females aged 11, 42% aged 13 and 48% aged 15 say they need to lose weight. By the way, 52% of them started dieting before the age of 14.

What can we do about it? I think we can do a lot.

This post is part 1 of 8 in the series Anorexia

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Incentives to Change the Divorce Rate

A week ago, I called my mom and dad to wish them a happy 48th anniversary day, but I think the wishes were for me, more than for them. I thanked them for being together, for not getting a divorce, for loving each other, for going through tough things together and for surviving. I wished them 30 more years together. Living to be 100 years old together is a great wish.

My mom and dad are simple people, yet they are special and unique, because they belong to a group of only 5% of people who are living together after so many years.

Look at this list of marriage statistics:

* 82% reach their 5th anniversary
* 65% reach their 10th anniversary
* 52% reach their 15th anniversary
* 33% reach their 25th anniversary
* 20% reach their 35th anniversary, and
* only 5% reach their 50th anniversary

I only need to have a session with my clients every day, to realise how special my parents are and how much I need to thank them for being there together for such a long time, because it made life so much easier for me and I am grateful.

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Laughter Therapy – Do It Yourself!

There is a whole new science now dealing with the importance of laughter to our wellbeing. Terminally ill people watch funny movies to heal themselves. There are courses where you can learn to laugh. Think about it – learn to laugh. This natural thing that we do from birth is something we need to re-learn as adults. Do you think that when we were born everything around was funny and when we grew older nothing was funny anymore or is it that we just can’t recognise the fun in life?

Children laugh a lot. One of the greatest joys is to hear a baby laugh. More people find that irresistable. Children do not need a “real” reason to laugh. They laugh at things that seems silly. What do you think? Is it better to laugh over millions of silly things or only to laugh at rare “seriously funny” things? Who has more fun in life? Kids or grown-ups?

There are two ways to get back to this truth. One way is to invest in personal development. Grow, evolve and attract more fun into your life, which will give you more reasons to laugh.

The other way is to laugh more and thus attract more fun into your life.

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Teen(r)age: In Search of Love and Uniqueness

Many parents report frustration and doubt regarding their parenting when their wonderful children reach teen age. They dread this period and express tension and even fear. Instead of getting closer to their growing children, their child’s first teen birthday marks the formation of “the generation gap”. Teens become emotional, irrational and mysterious. Parents ask themselves “Why do teens behave the way they do? Is it hormonal? Why are they so emotional? Is it normal?”

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To Teach Is To Touch a Life Forever

Many of my clients tell me I need to work for the Department of Education to encourage people to become teachers. Since I am so passionate about my teaching and I think it is the best job ever, they think I can convince any person, even those who do not like children, to shift to education.

I have my doubts about convincing any person, but I am sure that being an educator is the best job ever.

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Travelling with Kids – Expanding the Horizon

Traveling, I think, is a wonderful experience for us all. Children can benefit from travelling even more than grownups, because travelling expands their knowledge, ideas, beliefs and boundaries. Many people ask me, “Why take kids on expensive trips if they cannot remember all the details?”

So I ask them, “Do you remember all the things that made you who you are today?”

We live in a very special era. We are exposed to things today that 100 years ago we could only dream of. Think for example, 100 years ago, only lucky people living next to the ocean knew how a whale sounded. Today, every 3-year-old can tell you how a whale sounds and looks.

Technology has helped a lot to bring the world to our homes. In the beginning, there were photos, then moving picture and now live telecasts, showing things as they happen. We heave reached a point where we do not leave home and we think we can experience life through the screens of our TV and our computer.

But we cannot!

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Make This World a Better Place

It’s looking around the world, at what is happening with starving people and violence, which makes me feel small and helpless sometimes. I can remember thinking about it ever since I was 15 years old, like Atlas, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I wrote poetry, listened to Joan Baez and wrote John Lennon’s words of “Imagine” on my notebooks.

Have you ever been asked about the teachers that influenced your life? Well, it’s happened to me quite a few times, and I’ve always given the same answer. Reuben.

It was in grade 11. I was on the school council and headed the newsletter committee. One day, five of us were sitting in the principal’s office, accompanied by the teacher who had supported us for the entire year. This teacher, Reuben, had a family of his own, yet he spent hours with us, during breaks and after school, something no other teacher ever did. He sat on “our” side, facing the principal, and moved our chairs into a circle, breaking the authoritative seating arrangement.

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