Family Matters Category

Family-related posts: kids, teens, parenting, marriage and home

It’s Hard to Say “I’m Sorry” When You’re Not

Kids sometimes do things that others don’t like. Sometimes, they break things and even hurt others. It’s important to help them understand what happened, but parents should never force them to say, “I’m sorry”.

I think the idea of saying “sorry” is distorted because of social “expectations” that if someone is hurt, we must have done something to cause it. This makes parents “teach” their kids to say “sorry” even if it comes without actual “sorrow”.

It’s very easy to see it with young children. They take a game away from another kid (sibling), the other kid cries. Immediately, the parents scold them and force them to go to the other kid and say they’re sorry.

This is humiliating. It plants in those kids the idea that saying “sorry” is admitting guilt, even if they don’t think they’re guilty. And it builds up and stays with the kids.

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How to Have Better Communication with Children

Communication works like a bee. It can produce honey or sting. It’s true. Our communication is the tool we have to connect or destroy relationship. To be better parents, we need to develop better communication with our children.

When our kids are born, they have full trust in us. They trust us with their life. They have to, because without us, they would die. Literally.

Over the years, that trust is gradually lost. Not because the kids grow out of it, but because the parents change the way they communicate with their children.

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Better Family Relationships: How to Build Trust

Family relationships can be hard, let’s be honest. We have a relationship with everyone we come in contact with. Some relationships are short. Some are long. Some are intimate, and others not so much. In every relationship, our actions affect the dynamic. We can’t just do or say whatever we want, whenever we want.

Why? Because we don’t exist in a bubble. Our words have meaning.

It’s amazing how many people are never exposed to the concept of effective and thoughtful communication. I find people of all ages coming to my leadership camps and saying, “How has no one ever taught me this?”

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Domestic Violence is Devastating. We Need to Stop It!

As we all know, the COVID-19 pandemic has affected almost every part of our daily life. Work, school and social engagements were adjusted to follow the restrictions. But the most troubling change is the huge increase in domestic violence all around the world.

Domestic violence has been damaging our society in more ways than COVID-19 ever will. But no one thinks we should shut down schools, states, airlines, restaurants, gyms or businesses until we eradicate it from our society. And we’re going to pay for this long after COVID-19 is gone.

Domestic violence is primarily directed at women and children. Why? Because they are more vulnerable.

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Negative Emotions: How to Really Help Your Kids Manage Them

As parents, it’s natural for us to want to keep our children from feeling what we perceive as negative emotions. We want to keep them from suffering. But as hard as it is to admit, by doing so, we often do more harm than good.

Most people grow up thinking that our purpose in life is to avoid suffering. But it isn’t!

We aren’t supposed to avoid suffering, we’re supposed to manage it. We should never fight it, or even try to control it. We must live with it and find ways to use it to our advantage.

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How to See Your Kids Beyond the Behavior

As a parent, your kids’ behavior can sometimes drive you nuts. But looking at the behavior is misleading. You need to look beyond the behavior.

Most parents will tell you that parenting is one of the hardest “professions” in the world. Yet, we never got any training for it. In the past year, it’s been even harder. It’s been a difficult, overwhelming experience for parents and to their children too.

The best way to see how kids reacted to the challenge of COVID-19 restrictions and online learning, all you have to do is watch their behavior. When children feel overwhelmed, they immediately start to show dysfunctional behavior. Trust me, if they could, they would do things differently. Just as you would…

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Manipulating Your Kids Will Make You a Good Parent

Many parents feel uncomfortable about the idea of manipulation. They get upset when their children manipulate them, and feel uncomfortable about manipulating them in return. But I think it’s a valuable parenting tool.

The word “manipulation” has negative connotations and implies bad intentions. But in most cases, we don’t manipulate others to harm them. Quite the opposite.

In my parenting programs, I’m amazed by how many parents don’t think they have the right to make their children think or do some things. These parents don’t seem to understand their role.

What?!

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Helpful Staycation Ideas to Make Your COVID-19 Holidays Great

Staycation: suitcase with a laptop screen containing a home and a yard

The holidays are coming and this year, 2020, isn’t a normal year. We can’t go on vacation the way we did in previous years. So, what can we do? We can have a staycation. But first, we need some staycation ideas.

With COVID-19 looming, limited money, closed attractions, and restricted events and restaurants, a proper holiday seems difficult, even impossible. So, we either have a staycation or go nuts.

A staycation isn’t staying at home. It’s having a vacation, and enjoying our time, at home, or close to home. But how do we do it?

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How to Overcome Fight, Flight & Freeze in Relationships

There’s some amount of stress in every relationship, and we respond to it through Fight, Flight or Freeze. So how can we overcome these responses, relax and stay together?

Watching babies and toddlers playing “hide and seek” can teach us a lot about the human mind and how we can improve the relationship game.

Our granddaughter is 3 years old, and we look after her once or twice a week (lucky us). She loves to play “hide and seek”, and we all love to watch her having fun.

For a long time, we had to nominate a person to hide with her, so she would get the hang of it. Because whenever we asked, “Where is Ayla?” she would answer from her hiding place…

Hilarious, right?!

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Formal vs. Informal Learning: Which is The Best During COVID-19?

Girl with mask saying 'Welcome back to school'

During the COVID-19 pandemic, many parents ask themselves if formal education is enough to give their kids what they need. What was normal before COVID-19 is not the same now. I suggest informal learning instead.

I believe many good things came out of COVID-19. For example, some of my nephews blossomed with remote learning. Unfortunately, some of them, who had been brilliant students before, just collapsed.

Lately, the parents of many of the children I coach told me of real challenges at home. I believe this difficult period highlights challenges each family already had before. The uncertainty, the restrictions, the financial burden, and the isolation just added more pressure into the system and the system no longer copes.

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