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Home » positive » Page 9

Make a List: Inspiring People

Inspiration is contagious. It is the act of giving without the intention of giving that touches people at their core and helps them move forward towards being better, stronger people.

When I take stock of my life, my behavior, my attitude, beliefs and feelings, I often discover that other people have contributed greatly to who I am. When people have contributed in a bad way, I say that because of them or something that happened with them, I got stuck in a bad place in my life. In a sense, I am blaming them for being part of my life. When they have contributed in a good way, I say they have inspired me or encouraged me to reach where I am now. I am grateful and happy that they have been part of my journey.

It is not by accident that when people see a psychologist to figure out something that bothers them in life, they end up talking about their parents or siblings. These people are major contributors to who we are. Regardless of our relationship with our own families in the present, our parents, brothers and sisters influenced us mainly because of the many years we spend together, often through critical times during our life (read Divorcing Your Parents and people’s comments and you will find out how many parents have failed to inspire their children who are now adults).

My mom and dad influenced me in different ways, because they were totally different people. As a kid, I had lots of criticism towards them. When I started my personal growth experience at the age of 16 (lucky me, I was young), I changed the question from “How did they screw up my life?” to “How did each of them inspire me?” It is amazing how many great answers I have received.

This post is part 34 of 49 in the series Make a List

Read Make a List: Inspiring People »

Published: August 20, 2012 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: March 18, 2021In: Personal Development Tags: beliefs, identity, change, happiness, motivation, relationships / marriage, values, positive, inspiration, emotional intelligence, self confidence / self esteem / self worth, how to, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, negative, practical parenting / parents

Accepting vs. Expecting Bad Luck

It has been a little while since I last wrote a post (OK, a long while). Sorry for the extended hiatus. I was recently accepted into an honors degree in Psychology and in order to graduate before I am old and grey, I took on some extra subjects. A lot of study and not a lot of sleep going on, but in any case, I have been bursting with ideas for posts. I thought I would put in a quick one for your reading pleasure. The topic: accepting vs. expecting bad luck.

A friend of mine, Ashleigh, has been having a bit of a hard time. Things have been going a little pear shaped and getting a bit too much for her. Unfortunately for my friend, this is somewhat of a recurring theme in her life. In any case, we chatted one night about life, love and the universe, and Ashleigh decided to justify her predicament by saying that bad periods in life should be expected. Things HAVE to go wrong at some point and we should not be surprised when they do.

Well, I do not know about that. I would be the first person to concede that life is a rollercoaster (especially my life!). It has its ups and downs, and you cannot truly appreciate the good things if nothing bad ever happens. But there is a huge difference between accepting bad things and expecting them.

Read Accepting vs. Expecting Bad Luck »

Published: June 18, 2012 by Eden Baras
Last modified: December 25, 2019In: Personal Development Tags: success, teens / teenagers, emotional intelligence, acceptance / judgment / tolerance, how to, self confidence / self esteem / self worth, choice, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, negative, beliefs, motivation, optimism, perception, focus, self-fulfilling prophecy, projection, positive

Smoking Parents – Smoking Kids

Teen girl smoking

My dad was a smoker. He was a heavy smoker, consuming 1-2 packs of cigarettes a day. I remember my older sister having many fights with him over this. She complained, he tried to quit for couple of days and then went back to smoking. I did not have an opinion about it. All the men I knew smoked. It seemed natural to me. My mom was a very silent complainer. She never smoked but could not change his mind. In some cultures, smoking is much more acceptable and is a status symbol. It was a manly thing to do.

One day, my dad discovered that my brother, who was 14 years old then, stole his cigarettes and smoked with his friends. My dad was furious and started screaming at him. I was about 11 and I remember us standing there and accepting that my brother did the wrong thing. But then, while he was screaming his head off, my older sister, who was 15 years old at the time, said to my dad, “How can you tell him he can’t smoke and it’s not good for him if you smoke so much yourself?!” (I always admired her guts). The amazing thing was that he stopped screaming and walked furiously out of the house. It was the last day he ever smoked. Unfortunately, my brother still smokes today, even after he had a heart attack at the age of 45.

Parents who smoke hurt their kids, not only by making them passive smokers, but also by setting an example that they can never take back. Do you know how many times since then I have heard my dad asking my brother to stop smoking? Thousands. Unfortunately, he was too late.

In some cultures, smoking is very acceptable and is even a status symbol, “the manly/cool thing to do”. A few years ago, we went to visit my family and my uncles were there, all of them smokers. One of my uncles asked Gal, “Would you like a cigarette?” Gal said, “No, thank you. I don’t smoke”. Then, he asked, “Would you like a beer?” and Gal said “No, thank you. I don’t drink beer”. My uncle looked down at him and said, “You don’t smoke and don’t drink. What kind of a man are you?”

Read Smoking Parents – Smoking Kids »

Published: June 8, 2012 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: March 19, 2021In: Parenting, Health / Wellbeing Tags: motivation, lifestyle, drugs, family matters, focus, positive, how to, kids / children, role model, teens / teenagers, fear, health / wellbeing, choice, practical parenting / parents, negative, change

Emotional Summer

I love summer. I could bathe in the sun the whole day. When it is very hot and people wish for a breeze or seek the comfort of the air conditioner, I still prefer the heat. It makes me happy.

When Gal and I lived in Thailand and the humidity was extremely high, I never complained. I take a shower with such hot water that it is too hot for Gal. I have lived in Texas and loved it. I have lived in California (that was OK), Thailand and Singapore (loved it), and now I live in Brisbane, Australia, doing my best to forget the 3 miserable years in Melbourne, Australia, because I was so cold there.

There is a joke that says Melbourne has 4 seasons in one day, because the temperature changes dramatically every couple of hours. I found that to be true, but the only 4 temperatures I recognized were “cold”, “very cold”, “extremely cold” and “freezing cold”. Maybe I have different temperature receptors. I just love the warmth and the heat, and it boosts my health and wellbeing.

Our emotional state is very much like our body temperature. Everyone has different receptors and a different optimal temperature. It is important to understand that we have different ways of reaching our optimal temperature.

In the same way we adjust our water temperature and volume in the shower, Gal and I use different ways of coping with situations in our lives. Gal prefers to talk about the situation and analyzing reasons and options, while I prefer doing things that will make me happy and distract me, at least for a while, until I calm down and consider the situation from a distance and come up with solutions. It is very important to note that both of us, although we use different methods, are trying to reach happiness within.

Read Emotional Summer »

Published: March 9, 2012 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: December 25, 2019In: Personal Development Tags: beliefs, change, happiness, focus, motivation, projection, Life Coaching, inspiration, dreams, emotional intelligence, lifestyle, depression, positive, how to, self confidence / self esteem / self worth, choice, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, negative, goals / goal setting

Be Friendly, Be Happy

People are social creatures. They live in groups, they need the groups and they rely on the groups to survive. This creates some dependency that no one likes. Yes, some people need friends more than others do, but living on our own, not seeing or being in contact with the outside world, would bring an end to human kind.

Friends and friendships are very important to all people, even to those who find it hard to admit, and what social skills we do not have naturally, we can develop. We can learn how to be friendly.

In the past year, I have had many opportunities to talk and write about my successes. When I examined each of them, I realized that being a very social creature, loving people, understanding the way they function and using my good social skills were real assets to me.

Social skills – Nature or Nurture?
I have not always been a very friendly person. Not that I did not like company, but until the age of 16, I did not really understand the social rules I needed to live by. I had no friends, I got into frequent conflicts with the ones I did hang around with and I was lonely and miserable. My parents had no friends either, so I could not learn from them the right things to say and do around other people.

Then, I stopped reacting without thinking about the impact it has on my relationships and I learned that friendly people are happy people and that social skills can be learned.

Read Be Friendly, Be Happy »

Published: January 13, 2012 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: December 25, 2019In: Relationships / Marriage Tags: friends / friendship, how to, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, choice, trust, negative, happiness, motivation, relationships / marriage, communication, social skills, focus, positive, success, acceptance / judgment / tolerance, emotional intelligence

Save Your Energy

It is not easy for people to understand that their thoughts, feelings and actions are forms of energy. I remember the first time I realized this. I was on the top of the snowy red mountains of Bryce Canyon in Utah, reading the book The Celestine Prophecy. For the first time, I found a visual explanation for feelings I had.

You see, as a child, I never learned to pay attention to my feelings. They seemed to be urges, strong impulses that repel me from doing something or being around others or attract me towards them. Considering emotions as a form of energy made a lot of sense to me and gave my feelings some credibility.

As I my emotional intelligence evolved, I learned that people with high EQ are very attractive, because they send good “vibes” to their environment and (surprise, surprise) the environment sends them good vibes right back, helping them live happy, healthy and successful lives.

Not everyone understands the connection between emotional ability, success and health, but it is necessary in order to control our destiny and our quality of life.

Read Save Your Energy »

Published: July 15, 2011 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: March 19, 2021In: Spirituality, Personal Development, Relationships / Marriage Tags: communication, lifestyle, projection, spirituality, emotional intelligence, positive, how to, stress / pressure, negative, acceptance / judgment / tolerance, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, happiness, motivation, relationships / marriage, social skills, society

Nothing wrong with feeling bad

Everybody feels bad sometimes – sad, lonely, upset, worried, even angry. OK, except Tibetan monks, maybe, but only after 20 years of meditation and a strict diet of warm water. The rest of us sometimes feel bad.

The problem with feeling bad is not so much that we find something hard to deal with, but that we have been brought up not to feel bad, so we feel really bad about feeling bad. That, of course, makes everything worse, because now, we are feeling bad about ourselves and blocking ourselves from processing and letting go of the original bad feeling.

When I was growing up, I was often told that only girls cried. “Take it like a man”, people said to me and to all of my friends who were boys. The girls were not supposed to take it like men, but they were instructed not to bother others with their feelings and to “show their happy face” like “a good girl” should. So happiness was clearly good and resentment, anxiety, regret and sorrow were bad.

Read Nothing wrong with feeling bad »

Published: June 1, 2011 by Gal Baras
Last modified: March 19, 2021In: Personal Development, Health / Wellbeing Tags: relaxation, positive, loss, emotional intelligence, grief, meditation, stress / pressure, anxiety, acceptance / judgment / tolerance, negative, health / wellbeing, beliefs, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, happiness, hope

Have Faith in Your Children

Ronit always says, “What you focus on grows, so to have more good things in life, we need to focus on the good things we already have and they will grow”. When it comes to parenting, Ronit says we should ignore problems (because there is no such thing as bad attention), wait patiently for our kids to do something good and then jump all over the place and praise them for it.

I am a fixer. I have been a fixer all my life. This means I see problems and things that could work better all the time and immediately come up with clever solutions for them. Waiting patiently for things to work and then praising them does not come naturally for me.

If you are a fixer like me, or if your kids “never do anything good/right” or always “give you a hard time”, this post may really help you.

“Always look on the bright side of life”
– Monty Python in Life of Brian

Our 9-year-old daughter Noff spends way too much time watching TV, watching video clips on YouTube and playing computer games. Every day, we practically drag her from one of these activities, not kicking, but sometimes crying. Being busy with other things and having other kids in the house, we do not always pay close attention to what she does. As soon as our backs are turned, she sneaks back to watching or playing on the computer.

Our philosophy is that movies portray distorted views of life to kids. Being kids, they might accept these views as reality and adopt some very limiting beliefs about how people should behave. We also think that when you play against the computer, nobody really gets hurt when you win, so most computer games encourage competition, selfish focus, strict result orientation and disregard for others.

Read Have Faith in Your Children »

Published: April 6, 2011 by Gal Baras
Last modified: December 25, 2019In: Parenting, Kids / Children Tags: how to, behavior / discipline, choice, practical parenting / parents, trust, negative, beliefs, motivation, relationships / marriage, optimism, focus, positive, emotional intelligence, kids / children, acceptance / judgment / tolerance

"Yes" parenting

Parenting can be really challenging at times. Any parent will tell you that sometimes the challenge is so big they feel out of control – not control over your kids, but control over your reactions to what your kids do or do not do. After all, you are the “captain” and it is your job to run the “ship”.

The discussion about discipline covers many topics – the rights of the parents, the strictness of the discipline, the collaboration between parents (or lack thereof), the alignment of values between home and school (or lack thereof) – the list of philosophical discussions is very long. I have found out through my workshops that parents have only that much ability to discuss the philosophical issues of parenting and most of the time, they just ask, “Ronit, what can I actually do?”

In the first years of my work with parents, I worried about that. I said to myself that without understanding the philosophy behind things, they would not be able to manage the next challenge, but I was wrong, because parents can be awesome even if they cannot explain their theories and even if they do not have a deep understanding of the human mind. Some things just make sense to them and if they try them and they work, they just continue doing them successfully.

Today, I want to talk about a parenting technique that has worked for me like magic. It has helped me a lot not to get into arguments with my kids or with the kids I have coached.

I learned this technique from my dad – not from him being a role model of it, but from him being a role model of the opposite…

Read "Yes" parenting »

Published: October 11, 2010 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: December 25, 2019In: Parenting Tags: conflict, family matters, positive, communication, kids / children, focus, behavior / discipline, responsibility, practical parenting / parents, emotional intelligence, how to, trust, negative, control

Sailing the Ship of Life

Last week, I had a session with a new client. She was very frustrated about things in her life. She had wanted to change them for so many years and nothing had happened.

“I feel like I have no control over my life”, she said to me, “It’s as if part of me says ‘go left’ and the other side says ‘go right’. For some reason, neither is the direction I want to go and I’m stuck! I can’t get the two sides of me to communicate with each other”.

I smiled. It sounded familiar.

“Sometimes, I wake up with energy and motivation that lasts for three days. There is a voice inside of me that keeps telling me it can be like this forever. I’ve tried shutting it out, but I don’t know how to”, she kept telling me about her frustration.

I listened to her and thought to myself, “She is ready for the sailing story”.

I hope you are ready too.

Read Sailing the Ship of Life »

Published: June 14, 2010 by Ronit Baras
Last modified: December 25, 2019In: Personal Development Tags: emotional intelligence, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, how to, goals / goal setting, choice, negative, beliefs, change, motivation, focus, lifestyle, responsibility, decision making, money, wealth, success, positive

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