It is not easy for people to understand that their thoughts, feelings and actions are forms of energy. I remember the first time I realized this. I was on the top of the snowy red mountains of Bryce Canyon in Utah, reading the book The Celestine Prophecy. For the first time, I found a visual explanation for feelings I had.
You see, as a child, I never learned to pay attention to my feelings. They seemed to be urges, strong impulses that repel me from doing something or being around others or attract me towards them. Considering emotions as a form of energy made a lot of sense to me and gave my feelings some credibility.
As I my emotional intelligence evolved, I learned that people with high EQ are very attractive, because they send good “vibes” to their environment and (surprise, surprise) the environment sends them good vibes right back, helping them live happy, healthy and successful lives.
Not everyone understands the connection between emotional ability, success and health, but it is necessary in order to control our destiny and our quality of life.
How to feel the vibes
Have you heard people say, “I’m getting bad vibes from this”? Well, they are. They absorb repelling energy. The problem with paying too much attention to the vibes is that you become dependent on them to direct you in life, because they do not come with an instruction manual. While some people have a natural ability to interpret their “gut feelings”, others need to learn the techniques of reading them correctly.
Research on kinesthetic (feelings-oriented) people discovered that their way of making decisions, which is based on “gut feelings”, is just as good as that of digital (facts-and-figures-oriented) people – everyone gets it right about at the same rate. The only difference between them was that the kinesthetic people could not explain their decisions, while the digital people could list the reasons, logic and process.
Every thought, conscious or subconscious, triggers a physical reaction. In his research with dogs, Pavlov discovered that the sound of the bell triggered their body to produce saliva. To understand the connection between our thoughts and our physical existence you do not have to go far. Just think of one of your sexual fantasies and notice how your body reacts to that thought. Yes, it is all in your mind – always has been and always will be!
Much like a sexual fantasy stimulates your body in a positive way and produces “happy” vibes, you can get negative vibes from problems, conflicts, sarcasm and judgment. At first, it changes your heart beat and then your overall energy. Stimulating vibes will make you motivated, courageous, cooperative and relaxed and repelling vibes will drain you from your energy.
If you get up in the morning tired and without motivation to face the day, it is usually because “you have no energy” from you. You will be surprised to know that it is not what happens to you that does it, but what you think about what happens to you. Perception is the only reality there is.
There is a theory that says there is only one feeling in the world – love. All the other feelings are either a form of love or a lack of it. If you think of energy, it is very similar. Everything good in life is love energy and all the rest is lack of it.
The problem we have in life is what people do to gain this energy. People without energy tend to choose things that boost their energy for a while, but drain it in the long term, like drugs, alcohol, TV and food. The worst way getting your energy up is trying to take it from someone else, believing that it is limited and in order for you to have more of it, someone else must have less. This is when you become a “dementor” (from Harry Potter).
In every relationship, there are “dementors” who drain you from your energy, “feeders” who pump you with renewed energy and “neutrals” whose presence neither gives nor takes away any energy.
The weird and wonderful thing about each of these types of people is that whatever they give, they also receive. When “feeders” give someone energy, their own energy grows even stronger. When “dementors” drain someone’s energy, their own supply of energy is reduced too. And when “neutrals” have no effect on others, the interaction has no effect on them either.
People like hanging around “feeders”, because it is easy and stimulating to be with them. Some people are “feeders” from birth. Most babies are “feeders”. When you spend time with babies, no matter how hard things are, they can change your mood. The joy and happiness they bring just by being there can sustain a mother who is physically depleted from energy while trying to survive the trauma of giving birth. They create so much good energy their mother can even start thinking of having another baby.
I personally believe that this energy babies have from birth fades as they grow, because we do not teach them to keep feeding their energy. Instead, we bind them with our “dementing” lifestyle of stress, fear, failure, disappointment and judgment.
The good news is that it is possible to re-learn to be a “feeder”. Here are some tips that can help everyone re-connect with his or her feeding energy – remember, the more you give, the more you get, so the more you have.
- Learn the 10 behaviors of the “energy feeders” – understanding, smiling, encouraging, accepting, appreciative, grateful, interested in others, forgiving, supportive and kind. Practice them deliberately every day.
- Learn the 10 behaviors of the “dementors” – angry, frustrated, critical, complaining, gossip, sarcastic, argumentative, sour-faced, jealous and fearful. Eliminate them from your life.
- Look around you and find 3 people in your life you think are “feeders”. First, ask yourself, “What are the things they do that make them so positive and great to be with?” Second, ask yourself, “Which of these things can I adopt (easily) and do just like them?” Third, try to spend more time with them and their energy will boost yours.
- Look around you and find 3 people in your life you think are “dementors”. First, ask yourself, “What are the things they do that make them energy drainers?” Second, ask yourself, “Is there anything I do that is similar and I should eliminate from my life?” Third, avoid hanging around them as much as you can. Hanging around people who drain your energy is a form of self-punishment and you deserve to be happy.
The reason we have a society at war is that we have more “dementors” than “feeders”. Emotional energy is contagious. We just have to make sure the right energy spreads.
May you be surrounded by happiness,