Someone very close to us lost her son to teen suicide. Her son was 18 years old, a great kid who took his dad’s gun one day, sat in his parents’ car in a park and shot himself to death.
He is gone and is probably not suffering anymore, but a whole family he left behind is still picking up the pieces of their shattered life and cannot find comfort.
I am writing to you because I pray you never have to be in the same position.
Read Teen Suicide »
Let’s start with some big words. According to Wikipedia, “Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity”.
When I mention intimacy to people, many of them immediately think of romance and physical closeness, particularly in the context of fear of intimacy. But this is only a borrowed meaning.
In fact, many sexual relationships have little or no intimacy in them, while other relationships are based on deep spiritual bonding without any physical contact whatsoever.
Last week, I wrote about the influence of TV on kids’ outlook on life. We risk them being emotionally numb or developing fears that will translate to a life of anxiety and distrust. Today, I will touch on the effects of TV on the relationships between parents and kids.
When I was a kid, there was only one TV channel, which went on strike for over 3 months. The radio and papers were full of jokes about how that was affecting relationships.
The most common joke described people coming home and discovering their family – “I didn’t know my wife had a new hair style” or “The kids have grown so much”. While this was a funny way of expressing the effects of watching TV, I believe things got even worse since.
When people debate what to say to parents when their kids have problems, they say, “Parents don’t want to know”, but I say that if the parents had not thought something was wrong, they would never have come to see me. After years of following what I believe my job is – to highlight the challenges and the gifts and make sure kids develop without obstacles – I feel very confident telling the truth. My reports are the truth and nothing but the truth, and when I do not know exactly what the problem is, I recommend seeing someone who does.
When Amanda had her second child, she invited us to stay over for the weekend. Her older son, who was at the same age as Eden, was the most wonderful kid and we got to their place to see Eleanor, who was a 3-month-old baby. Eleanor was gorgeous and while Eden and Amanda’s son went to play, we spent a wonderful weekend talking to Amanda and her husband Peter. All day long, Eleanor was either in their arms or crying. I had heard many crying babies, but I had never heard any baby cry that much. Amanda said she had been like that since she was born.
Although I understand the problems with telling parents the truth about their kids, I believe that not telling causes more problems. When I talk to people who disagree with me, their main argument is “Parents do not want to know”, but I know that whenever I presented “bad” news in a “good” way, parents considered me a savior.
Telling parents their child has a problem is not an easy task. Do you tell parents their child has a difficulty and risk that the label is going to be hard to remove, or follow the parents’ desire to believe their child will “grow out of it” and find out in Grade 6 that the kid is unable to read a single word?
Sometimes, the hardest thing for parents is to get their kids to accept their attempts to motivate them. Kids may treat parental attempts to motivate them as nagging or forcing when they have not given their permission to help them. Whether you like it or not, help is something that needs to be accepted.
Read Motivating Kids (10) »
At the beginning of their life, all kids are helpless. Therefore, all parents quickly develop the habit of doing things for them – feeding them, cleaning them, dressing them and keeping them warm. Unintentionally, this also fulfils the parents’ need for certainty and control – the baby will be OK as long as the parents do things properly and the baby does nothing to mess things up.
Read Rescuers »
I hate the word “chores”. I do not really know why. I have this resistance to the word more than the concept. I believe there are (sadly) many parents like me with a negative attitude towards this word. You see, besides easing the load on the parents (which certainly helps), chores are a great way for parents to educate their kids and teach them some excellent life skills.
Read Kids’ Chores »
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