Telling Parents the Truth (4)

When people debate what to say to parents when their kids have problems, they say, “Parents don’t want to know”, but I say that if the parents had not thought something was wrong, they would never have come to see me. After years of following what I believe my job is – to highlight the challenges and the gifts and make sure kids develop without obstacles – I feel very confident telling the truth. My reports are the truth and nothing but the truth, and when I do not know exactly what the problem is, I recommend seeing someone who does.

Shauna’s mom called me very concerned. “My daughter Shauna is a wonderful, sensitive girl, but something’s wrong with her”, she said.

Over the years, I have learned to trust parents’ gut feelings. They do not always know what might be wrong, but something makes them uncomfortable and together, we find out what it is and help their child. “Mom knows best” (or dad) is right every time.

Shauna was a 12-year-old girl who loved dancing and social interaction (kinesthetic), although her mom and dad were very academic (digital) and did not really understand why it took her so long to do her homework or why it was hard for her to concentrate on her projects.

“She is very tired, but she is always happy when she dances or hangs out with friends”, her mom told me.

During the 3 sessions I had with Shauna, I did not find any learning difficulties, although there were gaps in her reading.

When I had a meeting with both her parents, I explained Shauna’s communication style (kinesthetic), which means she was emotionally vulnerable in times of stress. I showed them her assessment and pointed out 3 areas of reading on the test that were low. I asked them if during the periods when these things were taught at school something happened that could have interfered with Shauna’s learning.

“Something like sickness, stressful time at home or a big change”, I suggested.

Shauna’s mom and dad looked at each other. They could recall things that explained every one of the periods I asked about.

Then, we discussed Shauna’s dad’s concern about her being tired. In the next part of my report, I wrote that Shauna’s energy level was low and I recommended seeing a doctor.

“She is growing and dancing many hours a week. This is why she’s tired”, Shauna’s mom said, but I felt differently.

“It’s better to go and find out everything is OK than not to go and find out too late that you should have done something to help her”, I said to them, “Most problems are a lot simpler to fix if you discover them early”.

I gave them a workbook to help Shauna with her spelling and instructions to close the gaps in her reading and writing.

“Please tell her Ronit said she is awesome, because she is”, I told them before they left, “And ask her to send me emails”. During her assessments, Shauna and I had written each other emails. I would ask her about her day and she would reply with 3-5 sentences. I told her parents that reading my emails and writing back, together with the workbook, would make a difference.

This week, about 2 months after seeing Shauna’s parents, she replied to one of my emails. I bring the letter here for you to see for yourself. It is much longer than 3-5 sentences.

Two months is all she needed!

If you are a practitioner wondering whether to tell the truth or not, remember Shauna.

If you are a parent wondering whether you would like to know or not, remember Shauna.

It is much easier to fight the devil you know. Always.

Inspired parenting,
Ronit