Kids, Santa Claus and Tooth Fairies (poll)

This week, my 9-year-old daughter Noff went to a play day with 4 of her friends. The parents who came to pick them up also had a bit of “play” time socializing and having a nice pizza and some watermelon.

The discussion was about kids, Santa Clause and fairies. We talked about the right time to tell kids who really puts the money under their pillow and who really buys their gifts for Christmas. I had taken part in similar debates and they always become passionate, as did this one.

Is it honest to tell kids about Santa and the Tooth Fairy?
What should we say when they ask? (Liar, liar pants of fire!)
When is the right time to tell them about the role their parents play in this?
What will they think when they find out we are the real fairies?

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My Samsung Ordeal

Looking for a good printer? I hope this story will help you buy better. In fact, maybe it will help you buy other things better too. This is the story of my Samsung CLX-3175FN multifunction printer/fax/scanner/copier…

For years, after working in the Special Education library and preparing materials for teachers, I had a dream of having my own copier. When our last printer broke down after three years of good service, we said it was time to get a multifunction device and save space and energy. So we searched for the best product for our small business. You see, Gal and I learned that when you buy a product, you need to buy it from a good source (we call it “a product with parents”) so you can get someone to fix it if something goes wrong.

Gal went to the biggest office equipment stores and found out Samsung had revamped their service offering by adding on-site repairs and a replacement policy for faulty products. He was told “They’ll just send someone to your house to fix the printer, but if they can’t fix it, they’ll replace it”.

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Knowledge = Beliefs

Much of our feeling of certainty in life comes from what we know. We get up in the morning and know the sun is there, even on days when it is hidden by clouds. We go to work and know others will be there too, because it is a working day. We stay home on weekends and know it will be OK, because nobody will be at work anyway – they are all at their own kids’ football games.

This is a very good thing, because otherwise, we would spend most of our time wondering what to do and being totally confused.

But most of our knowledge has been acquired by a process we call “learning”, which is when information comes to us from a trusted person (teacher, professor, parent, etc) or a trusted source (books, newspapers, TV).

This type of knowledge is delivered to us by subjective sources and is very often only valid in the context in which it is given. We feel we have gained new knowledge, but we have actually created a new belief based on our trust in the source.

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Health Insurance

I always say we pay for insurance to give us the imaginary belief we will be financially OK when something wrong ever happens to us, but instead, we should pay for insurance to give us the imaginary belief we will never ever use it.

Over a month ago, our Friend Tom had a plane crash and broke a bone in his back without feeling his legs (see A Lesson in Proportion). As you can imagine, we were very disturbed as his friends and looked for ways to support him. Using all our happiness-coaching skills, we helped him imagine a happy future and set goals for every day and week. Sure enough, he started feeling parts of his legs gradually and our hopes grew stronger.

For weeks, every time we came to visit Tom, he had a “story of the day” for us. Some stories were happy, but unfortunately, most were sad and disturbing. We tried to encourage him to write down his hospital “adventure” for several good reasons.

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Kid Grief

This entry is part 4 of 7 in the series 35-hour Baby

Grief is hard for grownups and can be even harder for kids. As we grieved for our lost hopes and our two dead babies, our very-much-alive daughter Eden was going through a very tough time.

Eden was 5 years old and could not understand why these things had happened. She was angry with us and we could not comfort her, because we could not comfort ourselves. Most people treated me as the grieving person and did not recognize Gal or Eden’s loss. I was angry, sad, in pain and found it hard to give her answers.

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Another Baby Nightmare

This entry is part 3 of 7 in the series 35-hour Baby

…I hugged my belly every day, trying hard to gain strength to survive another day. Twice, I did a special ultrasound check to confirm that the heart defect that killed my son would not hit us again. Every time, the specialist reassured me this baby girl was perfectly fine.

Eden, who was just 5 years old, was very anxious. As most parents know, time is not a concept kids understand very well. She had been asking for a baby sister (she would even settle for a brother) for over 2 years and waiting through two pregnancies was way too long for her.

Every time, she asked, “Mom, how do you know it won’t happen again? How do you know this baby won’t die too?” and every time, we said, “We go to the specialist and he checks and tells us that our baby is perfectly fine”. Every night, before bedtime, I explained to her that it had been an accident, that at the end of 9 months, we would bring home a baby and that this baby would bring the smile back to our life.

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When Partners Differ

Parenting kids is a challenge for most people. There are many things that make parenting such a challenge, but one of the big ones is that a couple of parents is made up of two different individuals, each with their own upbringing, values, beliefs and preferences.

If life was just smooth sailing, this would not be such a big problem, except life is bumpy sometimes and when tensions are high, things can get silly and weaken the parents’ position of authority.

Even when things are pretty quiet, the ever-so-sensitive kids can detect notes of disagreement between their parents and immediately try to use them to their advantage (little buggers). Parents who are too preoccupied to notice end up facing the “But Mom/Dad said” and looking pretty stupid being caught unprepared.

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Eulogy by a Coach

It was Friday and many people gathered at the funeral home. I knew 3 people in the crowd – Nicole and her two kids, Jane and Russell. The hundreds of people in the crowd were all like me, pieces of the puzzle of the life of the person they were saying goodbye to.

I looked at Nicole and the kids. It is just an irony that when you feel you need lots of strength to survive the heartache in your life, worse things happen and change the whole picture. They stood there carrying a burden that I sometimes wonder if time can heal.

The dead are always at peace. It is the other people who remain to suffer their absence. The members of the Lance Family were left to suffer the shame, the guilt and the secret.

A week before, 45-year-old Bryan hung himself in his garage.

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Teen Suicide

Someone very close to us lost her son to teen suicide. Her son was 18 years old, a great kid who took his dad’s gun one day, sat in his parents’ car in a park and shot himself to death.

He is gone and is probably not suffering anymore, but a whole family he left behind is still picking up the pieces of their shattered life and cannot find comfort.

I am writing to you because I pray you never have to be in the same position.

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How to Have More Intimacy in Your Relationship

Intimacy: couple lying face-to-face on the floor

Let’s start with some big words. According to Wikipedia, “Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity”.

When I mention intimacy to people, many of them immediately think of romance and physical closeness, particularly in the context of fear of intimacy. But this is only a borrowed meaning.

In fact, many sexual relationships have little or no intimacy in them, while other relationships are based on deep spiritual bonding without any physical contact whatsoever.

Read How to Have More Intimacy in Your Relationship »

Kids, Santa Claus and Tooth Fairies (poll)

My Samsung Ordeal

Knowledge = Beliefs

Health Insurance

Kid Grief

Another Baby Nightmare

When Partners Differ

Eulogy by a Coach

Teen Suicide

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