The Unpleasant Side of Divorce

This entry is part 6 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

Getting married is entering into a contract – but it is probably the one contract that is the easiest to break. This is because divorce has made it easy for husbands and wives to walk out when they go through unhappy periods in their lives.

John Crouch, Executive Director of Americans for Divorce Reform, says that the most important economic contract of our lives – marriage – is no longer legally protected.

Just think – lawyers will fight tooth and nail to protect corporations in their contractual relations between you and your landlord, your mechanic and your doctor, but they cannot prevent you from breaking up with your spouse.

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Like a Virgin: Kids’ Focus and Determination

In the past few months, I have been observing our little daughter Noff (“Dad, I’m not little, I’m nearly 7”) attempting handstands and cartwheels. When Noff develops a skill, it is a fascinating lesson in focus and determination.

About a year ago, she went through the same process until she mastered hula hoops and became the center of attention at various outings. Sometime after that, she discovered our digital camera and gradually learned how to take excellent photos and produce interesting video clips, some of which show mainly her…

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Parenting the Socrates Way: How to Ask Questions

This entry is part 2 of 3 in the series Parenting the Socrates Way

Last week, I introduced parenting the Socrates way, where I outlined the benefits of parenting by asking questions. So how to ask questions that will develop your kids and help them grow?

Let’s continue with this parenting technique and explore the “right and wrong” questions and the “right and wrong” answers.

Right and Wrong Questions

When I introduce this technique to parents, many of them ask about the right and wrong questions to ask their children. As you probably know (from reading previous posts), “right” and “wrong” are not words I like to use. I do not believe questions can be divided into “right” or “wrong”. I prefer to call them “effective” or “not effective”.

There are 6 things you can do to make sure your questions are effective.

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Beliefs of Assertive People

This entry is part 10 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

Assertive people have sets of beliefs that help them to be assertive. If you want to find out what you need to do to become an assertive person, examine your beliefs.

Here is a set of questions to help you examine your beliefs:

– What do I think about this belief?
– Where did I get this belief (past outcome, education, media, environment, creative thinking)?
– How old was I when I adopted this belief?
– Is this belief good for me to have?

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The Business Called "Life"

It is amazing how many people struggle with life. Life has become so hectic and difficult for most people that many can only focus on what is going to happen today, tomorrow, next month and maybe, only maybe, next year.

I think if we were to scan people’s brains, we would find that their brains are busy, busy, busy, thinking about things like the dishes, the bills, the alarm clock and shopping, with only small breaks for planning for something like next month’s birthday party. People like this are in survival mode.

When I ask people about their plans for next month or next year, or even what they think is going to happen in ten years, they look at me as if I have fallen from the sky. They say things like, “Ronit, you are nuts. There are so many things we need to sort out now that we do not have time to think about next year,” and so life passes by and is taken over by things like, the council rates, lunch boxes and stress.

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Marriage is the Foundation of Families

This entry is part 5 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

Individuals make couples, couples make families and families make communities. It is people’s natural instinct to get together. According to Dr. Mary Pipher, a therapist and anthropologist, the family is still an essential unit of the community. When people get married, their hopes are linked to building a home and a family.

I remember the day my daughter was born. Gal and I moved from being a couple taking care of ourselves, concentrating on our needs and aspirations, into being a family. It was a big feeling of responsibility mixed with joy. It was the beginning of a different journey.

While marriage is a later invention in human development, family is an ancient institution. Now, many people have kids but having kids and having a family are totally different things. Bringing kids into the world is a much simpler task than creating a family.

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Parenting the Socrates Way: Asking Questions

This entry is part 1 of 3 in the series Parenting the Socrates Way

There is a period in children’s development when they ask questions in response to everything you say. I remember the “Why” as my kids’ way of learning.

“Eden, please bring me the plate form the table”

“Why do you want the plate?”

“I want to put the egg on it”

“Why do you want to put the egg on it?”

“So you can take it to the table and eat it”

“Why do you want me to eat it?”

“Eggs are healthy. If you eat your egg, you won’t be hungry and you will be healthy”

“Why do you want me to be healthy?”

And this went on and on and on… If I remember correctly, most of these conversations ended with “because I have said so”.

I think that Socrates, the great philosopher, never got over this stage of his development and perhaps this is what got him going on his quest for knowledge and understanding of life. Mentally, Socrates was just a curious kid. His mind was full of questions and through them he gained a lot of wisdom.

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How to Be Assertive

This entry is part 9 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

Last week, in Assertiveness and Self Esteem, I touched on assertiveness as a tool to build self-esteem. I believe there is much to learn and the benefits from this learning are wonderful. So today, I’m going to tell you how to be assertive.

Communication is an important part of everyone’s life and conflicts are inevitable. No two people react the same way to all situations. If you choose the aggressive approach, either physical or verbal, you risk the relationship, but if you choose the passive approach, you risk the relationship too.

An assertive approach from both parties can contribute a lot to the communication and the relationship between the two parties.

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The Marriage Institution

This entry is part 4 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

Happily married couples say that marriage has taught them to accept each other’s strengths and possibilities. They argue that by doing that, they transform themselves from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

Therefore, marriage is an “enabling” situation, providing the freedom for each person to be who they really are, to reach for the stars and discover what they are meant to be without ridicule or rejection.

After all, it is a question of attitude. When you are happy, you are able to grow and evolve. With the right attitude, every honeymoon excitement can last longer.

Many of us have read reports, which drive home the message that married people are healthier and happier, and therefore live longer than single or celibate individuals do.

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Assertiveness and Self Esteem

This entry is part 8 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

Today, let’s talk about assertiveness and self-esteem. You will see how being assertive cures the “disease to please” and get useful, practical tips for increasing your own assertiveness and that of your kids.

I am sure this has happened to you before. Something happened, you felt uncomfortable, but said nothing. Some time later, you thought, “I should have said this” or “I should have told them what I thought”.

The expression “should have” indicates disappointment. Using it does not support self-esteem and makes you feel weak but we all have it some way or another. “Should have” is telling yourself you regret not having handled a situation differently or allowing someone to bully you.

If you use this expression often, you probably need to take an assertiveness pill. I am sure you have heard about assertiveness, but what is it really?

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