Self Esteem Mini-Course Series

What is self esteem, what is it good for, why kids should have high self esteem and how parents can help their kids have it

What Is Self Esteem?

I believe that every parent wants their kids to have high self-esteem, so I have decided to publish a few posts over the coming weeks about self-esteem, what it is and how to increase it, so every parent reading this will be able to help their kids develop this very important emotional strength.

So first, what is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is a reflection of a person’s overall appraisal of their own worth

In other words, self-esteem is the score each person gives their abilities and skills.

This post is part 1 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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How School Promotes Low Self Esteem

Last week, in Self Esteem Mini-Course (part 1), I wrote about the definition of self-esteem. This week, let us explore how school promotes low self-esteem in children and shapes our society in the opposite way.

Since our self-esteem is based on our perception of ourselves and school is the place we spend most of our time between the ages of 6 and 12, every school experience either increases or decreases our self-esteem.

This post is part 2 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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Beliefs and Where They Come From

Every person in the universe is searching for happiness. Our thoughts about ourselves, our self esteem, are part of that one “map” that everyone is looking for, the one we think fits us all. But we all have different experiences and mindsets. Therefore, we each use a different map to guide us to our own happiness.

This post is part 3 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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Social Identity

Today, let’s explore how we form our social identity and how it can contribute to our self-esteem.

Psychologists claim that we have a social identity. From the moment kids see themselves as part of a family, they start forming their social identity. Our self-esteem, which is what we think about ourselves, is greatly influenced by the groups we associate ourselves with and by what they think and do. For that matter, our family is our first social group.

If you want to understand the influence of the groups on our life, put yourself at the center of a circle and draw bigger and bigger circles around you for your family, friend, work colleagues, acquaintances and so on. The closest the circle to you, the more influence you allow this group to have on your life.

This post is part 4 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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Service Your Self-Esteem

Last month, I sent my car to be serviced. On the front window, my mechanic put a label telling me when to bring the car to him for the next service. When he returned my car, it drove perfectly, quietly, smoothly, swiftly and without any black smoke coming out of the exhaust pipe.

People are a lot like cars. We function well, smoothly and at full speed when we take good care of ourselves. When we neglect ourselves, we feel bad, rejected and frustrated and our performance suffers. Whereas cars need servicing every 10,000km, people need it roughly every week (10,000 minutes), so take care of yourself at least once a week to feel fresh and shiny.

This post is part 5 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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Your Self-Esteem Checklist

Young woman lying peacefully on a bed of leaves

For people to think highly of themselves, they need to be aware of every aspect of the self and identify their own personal scale to measure their performance. Most people are so used to defining themselves based on others around them that I can understand why this is not an easy task. Easy it may not be, but it is possible and, I believe, essential.

Last week, in Service Your Self-Esteem, we talked about essential rules to increase self-esteem. To increase our self-esteem, we need to look at ourselves carefully and examine each part of what creates the self.

Last week, we met Eli, my mechanic, and talked about his checklist for car maintenance, the one he uses before returning each car to its owner. Well, here (at last) is a self-esteem checklist – your very own list of the parts of your self-esteem.

This post is part 6 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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How to Get Rid of Doubts

Today, in part 7 of the self-esteem mini-course, I would like to talk about doubts, the killers of self-esteem, and the role parents can play in filling up doubt-holes with confidence.

My hope is that if you want your kids to have high self-esteem, you will shift your focus from your kids to yourself. Because your attitude as a parent is the key to raising happy, confident kids with high self-esteem.

Parents who drink are more likely to raise kids who grow up to be drinkers. Parents who gamble are more likely to raise kids who grow up to gamble themselves. Therefore, parents with doubts and low self-esteem are more likely to raise kids with low self-esteem.

I believe this cycle needs to end.

This post is part 7 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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Assertiveness and Self Esteem

Today, let’s talk about assertiveness and self-esteem. You will see how being assertive cures the “disease to please” and get useful, practical tips for increasing your own assertiveness and that of your kids.

I am sure this has happened to you before. Something happened, you felt uncomfortable, but said nothing. Some time later, you thought, “I should have said this” or “I should have told them what I thought”.

The expression “should have” indicates disappointment. Using it does not support self-esteem and makes you feel weak but we all have it some way or another. “Should have” is telling yourself you regret not having handled a situation differently or allowing someone to bully you.

If you use this expression often, you probably need to take an assertiveness pill. I am sure you have heard about assertiveness, but what is it really?

This post is part 8 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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How to Be Assertive

Last week, in Assertiveness and Self Esteem, I touched on assertiveness as a tool to build self-esteem. I believe there is much to learn and the benefits from this learning are wonderful. So today, I’m going to tell you how to be assertive.

Communication is an important part of everyone’s life and conflicts are inevitable. No two people react the same way to all situations. If you choose the aggressive approach, either physical or verbal, you risk the relationship, but if you choose the passive approach, you risk the relationship too.

An assertive approach from both parties can contribute a lot to the communication and the relationship between the two parties.

This post is part 9 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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Beliefs of Assertive People

Assertive people have sets of beliefs that help them to be assertive. If you want to find out what you need to do to become an assertive person, examine your beliefs.

Here is a set of questions to help you examine your beliefs:

– What do I think about this belief?
– Where did I get this belief (past outcome, education, media, environment, creative thinking)?
– How old was I when I adopted this belief?
– Is this belief good for me to have?

This post is part 10 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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