focus Tag | Family Matters

What Is Self Esteem?

I believe that every parent wants their kids to have high self-esteem, so I have decided to publish a few posts over the coming weeks about self-esteem, what it is and how to increase it, so every parent reading this will be able to help their kids develop this very important emotional strength.

So first, what is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is a reflection of a person’s overall appraisal of their own worth

In other words, self-esteem is the score each person gives their abilities and skills.

This post is part 1 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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Optimism or "What’s the big fuss about Emotional Intelligence (Emotional Quotient)?"

Since the Be Happy in LIFE program and the Garden of Eden program are based on promoting Emotional Intelligence, I have been asked many times to explain the main idea behind them.

Although Emotional Intelligence (EQ – Emotional Quotient) became popular after the publication of Daniel Goleman’s Book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, in 1995, it was researched and developed during the 70’s and 80’s.

It was psychologist Howard Gardner’s book Frames of Mind, Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences, which began the development of EQ.

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What Am I Worth?

In coaching, we go through a process of re-evaluating our life, cleaning out old beliefs, throwing away disempowering ones and polishing the beautiful, empowering ones.

Once, I had a session with one of my clients, in which we discussed how much she should charge for her services. I think we all wonder about that when we interview for a new job, or when we meet a new client. How much will I be paid? How much am I worth?

My answer for this is always the same: You are worth whatever you think you are worth.

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The Truth? You Can’t Handle the Truth!

In a research done in 1971 by Gergen, he found that there are four things that need to happen for us to accept a message:

1. Authority: The person who is giving the message needs to be in a position to do that – knowledgeable, experienced, in power

2. Familiarity: The person who is giving the message is presented as someone close to us who knows us well – family, friend…

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The Parent as a Life Coach

Bringing kids into this world is a selfish act. Yes, I know most people cringe at this point, but think about it, you brought your kids to life for you, not for them. They did not exist when you made your decision to have them.

…

A good parenting system I have found to be very successful is that of being your kids’ life coach. Here are some of the rules of coaching that can be 100% applicable in parenting.

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My Ex’s Wedding

Questions from a reader:

“I am invited to my ex-boyfriend’s wedding and I have to go. Do you have good tips to handle the situation?”

My answer:

If you no longer have feelings for him – cool! Go have fun at his wedding. But I guess since you have asked the question, you do have feelings for him…

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Who Am I?

What we think about ourselves is what we call our “Self Concept”. If you want to discover yours, simply ask yourself: Who am I?

This seemingly simple question is big, really big. Of course, your answers may be different, but most people include: social roles, physical appearance, health, relationships, location, achievements and skills.

How do we form this self concept?

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Things I Want My Kids to Know: Shoot!

Statistically, 90% of all people do not have any goals in life. Life happens to them instead of them controlling their own destiny. I want my kids to be in the other 10%. This is so important, that all millionaires and billionaires have goals, but the difference is that billionaires read their goals more times each day.

The reason most people in our world are not successful is that they do not distinguish between being alive and living. Whereas being alive is watching a hockey game, living is actually playing.

This post is part 2 of 7 in the series Things I Want My Kids to Know

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How to Beat those Pink Elephants

There are two parts to making a change from using a negative language to a positive one. The first is to understand how we were programmed to use negative language in our life. We talk about what we are not happy about and we express disappointment and frustration instead of saying what we feel, need and want.

The second part of making the change is to do something different and practice doing it until it becomes the new habit.

To help you make the change, here are some rules you need to remember.

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The Story of Mike

I met Mike at a café. He was very tall and good looking. He had just left home after 11 years of marriage and said “I hate her” 30 times in one meeting. He wanted to know if I could help him. “I’ve been to counselling, but that didn’t work”, he said to me.

He wanted to divorce and did not know how to go about it. He talked about making this a smooth separation and about finding a new partner. “I’m a one woman man”, he said. I liked it. Working with so many couples seconds before they divorce, at least infidelity was not the reason in this case.

Mike had already arranged the paperwork with his lawyer. “I’m going to divorce her”, he said at the end of the first session.

In many cases, coaching is like being an investigator. At the end of the first session, I sat in the café, writing all the pieces of the puzzle I had gathered from Mike.

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