This week, I received this inspiring movie about a father, who participated in the “Iron Man” (triathlon) competition with his son. I watched it with tears of inspiration, tears of excitement and joy for the glory of parenting and the essence of love. Love can help us carry heavy loads and push through enormous difficulties, and then it can inspire others too.
Read See What Love Can Do »
True friends are forever. It is amazing how long we keep true friendships. From primary school age and across oceans, we take a feeling of belonging and connectedness with us and maintain friendships.
Divorcing is actually the end of a very special friendship. It is a friendship between partners and lovers. If we remember to treat our partners like we treat those special friends, it would probably make life much easier.
Friends are God’s way of taking care of us
We may have misunderstandings, disagreements and conflicts with friends, but we never forget the bond we have between us and we are always willing to work out our problems. Just like any friendship, marriage is a way for two people to complete each other.
In order for marriage to work, the couple needs to master the three functions of marriage: partnership, love and friendship. These three functions are fundamental to the success of every marriage. We talk a lot about sharing responsibilities, we talk about increasing the love, but it seems that often, the friendship is a little neglected. In fact, surveys reveal that if there is one thing that will enable a couple to weather even the toughest of times, it is friendship.
If you want to stay married for a long time, find a way to be your partner’s best friend.
The first step to success of the friendship in any marriage is to make sure you align your definitions with your partner’s. Here are some questions couples should ask themselves and then discuss with each other if they want to grow their relationship.
Financial struggles can put a lot of strain on family life. When I talk to people about the challenges in their life, many of them say that shortage of money is the main source of their difficulties. In this new series, I am giving you tips on how to be richer, starting with why to be richer!
“We don’t spend enough time with the kids, because we have to go to work and earn money”, they say.
“We can’t give our kids what they need, because we don’t have enough money”, they complain.
“We can’t even take time off for proper vacations to rejuvenate, because there is just not enough money to fund them”, they are ashamed to admit.
“Our kids can’t engage in hobbies and extracurricular activities, because they are too expensive for our family budget”, they tell me in despair.
There are many other versions of the same challenge. If you have ever heard yourself saying any of them about your own family or if you have ever caught yourself thinking like this, then you are at the right place. If you have ever wondered if it is possible to have a family and be wealthy and happy at the same time, keep reading!
Sometimes, when people really try to go for something, their goals can be too big or set too far away so they easily lose track along the way. When I talk to my kids about knowing where to sail to, they always ask, “But Mom, how do I get there?”
I think the question “How do I do it?” is the most demoralizing thought people have during their dreaming stages.
Read Things I Want My Kids to Know: Leave the “How” To the Universe »
Many times, I find my self cruising through life, busy with my routine and my goals and my way of thinking. Then, something happens, which is the equivalent of getting smacked on the side of the head, and I get thrown into an emotional turmoil. I am sure this happens to you too from time to time. Recently, I was hit by the movie “Taken”.
Read Taken »
A couple of weeks ago, there was a special event at Southbank, the park along the Brisbane River. Among other things, there was a large enclosure, where an organization called Medecins Sans Frontieres (Doctors Without Borders) showed a model of a refugee camp and took groups of people on guided tours. The line before the gate of the model refugee camp was very long, but we decided to wait.
Read Aren’t We Lucky? »
In previous parts of the “Save Your Marriage” series, I discussed some of the problems that arise in relationships. This week, I will cover another one of the disturbing conflicts in any relationship – being trapped by stereotypes about gender.
In married life, there will always be obstacles threatening the stability of the marriage. Working through personal perceptions and interpretations is the key to overcoming such challenges.
Shortcut to divorce
Men and women perceive emotions, communication, sex, fidelity, work and money differently. They think the way they do because of the way they have been socialized and because of the way they have been shaped by their parents’ perceptions. From a very early age, we are “programmed” to believe that there are such things as “typical male” and “typical female” behavior. If you want a demonstration of how early this starts, look at your kids playing “shop” and consider how you choose baby clothes. Is it true that all baby girls love pink and baby boys love blue? No. Yet, most parents, when buying clothes, do not want to risk going against the grain by swapping colors.
Endless messages such as these are received during childhood and turn into beliefs and values that couples take into their marriage later on in life. Each party to a couple has his or her own “programmed” definition of what is typical, what is acceptable, what is tolerable and what is intolerable in a marriage relationship. Each of them may think that there is a particular way to show love to men that is different from the way you show love to women or that all men love sports and all women love jewelry and, without knowing, such gender beliefs can become a shortcut to divorce.
Read All Men Are… All Women Are… »
In “Save Your Marriage (part 6)”, I described a common communication problem couples have (the story about the jack). Today, I will outline 10 ways you can get things wrong in any relationship. I hope you will be able to recognize yourself in some of them and find ways to work on that miscommunication. Remember, it is just miscommunication and there is no need to give up something as special as your marriage because of something that can be fixed so easily.
Many arguments start from a simple misunderstanding of the meaning of what one or the other has said. Many times, one party will give a meaning to something the other one has said that was actually not the intended meaning at all. So if you think about it, if it is you who attaches the wrong meaning to your partner’s words or actions, then when you argue, in a sense, you argue with yourself.
A study of expert communicators has found that in any given interaction, we have a tendency to see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. The study has found that in any communication, we:
1. Interpret
2. Distort
3. Delete
We change the information we receive subconsciously by the interplay of our beliefs, values and rules that we already have in our heads. Thus our emotions can alter the interpretation of any message sent our way. If we are afraid of something, we tend to think the messenger was aggressive. If we feel confused, we tend to think the messenger was unclear with his or her message. If some information is missing, the way we fill in the gaps can be very subtle but may have a very strong impact.
Children’s behavior is the concern of many parents. Kids can be diagnosed with ADD, ADHD or ODD, when in fact, it is the various choices their parents have made throughout the course of their kids’ lives that make kids act the way they do. Yes, I know this is hard to accept, but I believe that if you were to give me a normal child – boy or girl – I could, by making a simple choice to act in a particular way, single-handedly turn this child into a problematic beast with social problems, difficulties with authority, declining academic achievement, lack of motivation, depression, anger and anxiety, just to name a few.
Read Recipe for Teen Disaster »
Yesterday evening, Noff and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. As we were walking, Noff told me she was going to have a “book character day” today and she had decided to dress up as Pippi Longstocking. She was very excited, as kids often are, and wanted to know every little detail about Pippi’s character, so that she would do a good job at school.
Read Pippi Longstocking »
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