Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (6): Education

Whether we pay for it through taxes or fees, the education system is a service to us parents. Most parents, even if they can afford to stay home and be their kids’ teacher, would rather go to work and do something else. Although parents are the most important educators of their own kids, being a teacher is a whole different skill that would be unfair to expect every parent to master.

When we send our kids to school, we share an important part of parenting with others. Our kids spend 12 to 13 years of their life in the education system with other people who pass on their knowledge, values and attitudes to them. Sometimes, we can afford to choose these people directly, but often, we are bound by financial or geographical circumstances and we do not have much of a choice.

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Kids are Always Watching

Last week, I had a meeting with a government official about my parenting program “Happy Parents Raise Happy Kids”. We talked about how parenting programs focus on behavior management, which I find problematic.

Anyway, after a long conversation about parenting, the man asked me a tough question, “Well Ronit, if you could summarize the most important thing for parents in one sentence, what would that be?”

“Only one?” I asked, trying to buy time (this was like writing on twitter and only having 140 characters).

“Yes, Ronit, only one”, he smiled.

So I thought about it. It was painful. It would be easier to find 10 things than just one. Finally, I said…

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Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (5): Ideal Child

The question “What’s an ideal child?” comes up many times in my parenting workshops. I find it fascinating to discover and re-discover that some parents have only a vague idea of what an ideal child should be like, yet they are disappointed with their own children for not being ideal.

Furthermore, much of these parents’ daily energy is spent on maximizing their kids’ academic achievements, but in their definition of the ideal child, there is no mention of academic achievement.

Our definition of the ideal child forms the framework of our parenting plan. Whether our definition is conscious or not, it still determines how we relate to our kids.

In this part of Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss, I asked each blogger to describe their ideal child. I find it interesting that each of them had a different definition of what it means to them.

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High Standards: Blessing or Curse?

At first, this post may seem like a gripe session, but bear with me, because there is a serious point to all this bitching and moaning. Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy the stories along the way.

The whole idea came to my mind at a big event our family attended last weekend. The weather was perfect, the setting was beautiful – wide green lawn surrounded by impressive buildings with a classical appearance, stalls with food and various arts and crafts and a main stage – and the program was very promising, with shows and activities for the kids and lots of entertainment.

As the day progressed, I found myself being more and more annoyed by what happened, which made me wonder whether high standards may not be the cause of my unhappiness and what I should be teaching my kids.

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The Art of Misery (Advanced)

Two years ago, I wrote about choosing to be miserable in the The Art of Misery. It is amazing how many people in the world qualify for the Certificate of Misery and have mastered this art. For some strange reason, it is easier to master misery than happiness. I do not know exactly why that is, but for most people, the definition of happiness is so hard to achieve they can never be happy. Even when they have a happy moment, it does not last long enough to get them to the next happy moment.

In The Art of Misery, I gave 10 lessons in misery with clear instructions on how to pass each test and gradually move on to the next level. Although I wrote that only those who completed the program would be entitled to the certificate, I have discovered it is enough for people to master some of the lessons to declare themselves eligible.

In the last two years, I have had many requests to extend the misery course and I believe the time has finally come. After two years of practicing and holding your misery certificate, you are ready for the next level. Today, in the second part of the Misery Mastery “training program”, I will improve, refine and help you upgrade your skills. I will add 10 more things you can do if being just miserable is not enough and you really, really want to be extremely miserable.

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Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (3): Best Parent Qualities

In the first post, our top parenting bloggers introduced themselves and their philosophy on life. In the second post, each parenting blogger gave their view on the top challenges of parenting (because knowing what we are facing is half the solution). Today, our top parenting bloggers discuss the best qualities parents should have. Like in […]

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Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (2): Parenting Challenges

Last week, we started the new project Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss when every blogger introduced him or herself. If this is your first visit here, check each blogger on Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (1): Introduction.

Parenting brings a lot of joy, but it also comes with many challenges. In the personal development world, we say that if you know what your problem is, you are half way to the solution. To get half way to the solution, I have asked each top parenting blogger for their list of the 5 biggest challenges parents face today.

Here is what they thought (some of the emphasis is mine).

What are the 5 biggest challenges parents face today?

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Opportunities of a Work-at-Home Dad

When Gal was a working dad, he spent his time far away from lots of the things that happened at home. He was a working dad for over 16 years. Luckily for us, he was not the working late type of dad, more like a 9 to 5 version, but you know that unless your workplace is a 2-minute walk from home, commute becomes a big time waster too. If you add up rush-hour traffic, for the kids (and myself), Gal was away every day of the week from 7 to 5:30 (and I have to say that at work, he was the only one that said “no” to working late or going out for drinks, because he wanted to have dinner with the kids every night and put them to sleep).

Gal had to make a lot of efforts to come home in time for dinner. I think it was a constant struggle. Working in IT companies, where working until midnight and not having a life was the norm, keeping his family values was not easy.

You are probably asking yourself by now why I am writing this.

I am writing for all the dads reading this blog and also for all the moms in hope I can make a difference.

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Like a Dog

Dogs are really simple creatures. Whatever they do, they give it EVERYTHING.

If you have ever seen a dog happy, you know they are happy with their whole body – they wag their tail like crazy, they jump around, the breath excitedly, lick every part of you they can reach and even yelp with joy. If you have a dog, just take its leash and stand by the door and you will see what I mean.

People, on the other hand, think too much. Particularly, people care about what others will think of them. So instead of being true to what goes on inside them and expressing it to the best of their ability, they aim for a response out of the people around them and behave in a way that will get them this response.

But that is being manipulative, really.

It is also far less likely to succeed than being honest.

Kids start out like dogs – they get all excited when Mommy pulls a breast out of her bra. They wag their little arms and legs, their face lights up with excited anticipation and they cling and suck with everything they have. When Mommy goes out of their room, on the other hand, they start crying bitterly, twitching their arms and legs in a futile attempt to chase her.

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Work-Life Imbalance

Every economic crisis brings to the work–life juggling act out of balance. The greater the economic crisis, the harder it is for families to maintain their lifestyle and values and therefore questions what work-life balance is.

Everywhere around the world what was considered proper work-life balance is no longer the same as it was 50 years ago. Whereas in the past, the working 9 to 5 seemed to be demanding, today, working 9 to 5 as a parent is a rare luxury.

Are you feeling some of this too?

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