Old farmhouse In the not-so-distant past, most people lived in small places and had to do things themselves. They grew crops, cared for animals, sewed their own clothes, built their own houses, met the same small group of people from childhood to old age and learned about the rest of the world only when strangers came to town.

When something broke, those “olden days” people had to fix it themselves or take it to a specialist, such as the blacksmith or the cobbler. Time was cheap and materials, like metal and medicine, were very expensive and hard to get. There was a lot of time, so life was slow. There was a lot of space and travel was slow, so there was little change.

The world’s culture evolved around this lifestyle. The main values taught to kids were self-sufficiency, industry, thriftiness, modesty, discipline and courtesy. When they grew up, they also learned faithfulness and responsibility.

I have a feeling your parents may have tried to instill some of these values in you too, even if your life was quite different. I know mine did, as did the parents of all my friends.

The general focus of people was on getting things and keeping them. There was little choice, so what people got, they enjoyed.

Today, life is radically different for most people. Most people live in big cities, have easy access to large amounts of food, drink, clothes and other goods and are exposed to a never-ending stream of high-pressured information through the TV, the radio, the Internet, the mobile phone, printed media and various other means.

The general focus of people should be on choosing things and enjoying them. But it is not.

For some reason, in all this abundance, we feel needy and depression is on the rise. Why is this?

It is pretty easy to find fault in commercials and in being surrounded by all this good stuff that just looks so good and smells so good and sounds so good and is so bright and loud and easily reachable. It is all there in excess.

But how much candy can you eat at once? How many songs can you listen to at once? How many TV channels can you watch at once? How many bikes can you ride at once?

The main idea behind hyper-consumption is “This can’t last. I gotta have it today, because who knows what will happen tomorrow?”

But if you look around, the things you can buy today are cheaper, brighter, louder, better, lighter and easier to use than last year and those from last year were cheaper, brighter, louder, better, lighter and easier to use than the year before, all the way to at least 20 years ago.

Relax.

You will have plenty of stuff tomorrow too.

Just relax.

Well, if you cannot relax for you, think of your kids and relax for them.

Are they fatter than you were at their age? Are they more overwhelmed? Are they more stressed? Are they more depressed? Do they want even more stuff than you ever did?

See? Neediness is passed from parents to their kids along with its effects.

So relax for the sake of your kids, because their life is going to be very long and anything you can do right now to help them choose better and enjoy life more will serve them well for many many years.

Here is how:

For a whole week, list all the things you buy
At the end of the week, find some quiet time and sit comfortably with your list
For each item on the list, ask yourself, “Why did I REALLY buy this?” Was it for physical survival or indulgence? Was it for comfort or for the appearance? Was it for enjoyment or for feeling trendy and fashionable?
For each item on the list, ask yourself this series of questions:
- What happened because I bought it?
- What didn’t happen because I bought it?
- What would happen if I didn’t buy it?
- What wouldn’t happen if I didn’t buy it?
Decide not to buy the things you do not need, strike them off the list and let everybody in the family know

When we linked our lives together, one key decision Ronit and I made was not to buy newspapers and not to watch the news on TV. Other people around us considered this total lunacy and said we would miss what was going on in the world.

With email, Twitter, Facebook and a gazillion other instant update devices and applications, this problem is now seriously compounded, so why not use a similar process to get a handle on the information flood.

For a whole week (perhaps a different week), list all the times you update yourself with news, whether the update was initiated by you or not
At the end of the week, find some quiet time and sit comfortably with your list
For each item on the list, ask yourself, “Why did I REALLY need to know this?” Was it for financial survival or indulgence? Was it for comfort or for the appearance? Was it for enjoyment or for feeling trendy and up-to-date?
For each item on the list, ask yourself this series of questions:
- What happened because I got this update?
- What didn’t happen because I got this update (could you use the time in some other way, perhaps)?
- What would happen if I didn’t get this update?
- What wouldn’t happen if I didn’t get this update?
Decide not to get the updates you do not need – filter your messages, change your email/application configuration, turn your mobile phone off or unsubscribe – then strike them off your list and let everyone in your family (or work, if applicable) know

After doing each of these lists, notice how you feel the following week. Is it easier to choose what to do? Do you choose more practical or enjoyable things? Is your life lighter, easier and more relaxed?

Once you have done it for you, you will be able to guide your kids through the same process. Help your kids choose better and enjoy life more. This will not only make them happier, it will also take some kid-generated pressure off you, and the cycle of happiness will continue.

Happy parenting,
Gal