How to Praise Your Kids (1)

A few weeks ago, when my 8-year-old daughter Noff brought her “Alien House” from school, we were all very impressed. It was a tall 3-story box house, with lights (because her alien was afraid of the dark) and she had planned and executed her plan at school and had received an A+ for the assignment. The masterpiece stood proudly on top of our fridge for over 3 weeks and during that time, everyone who passed next to it, including her older siblings, praised her and said, “Noff, your alien house is just wonderful”, “Well done”, “You’re so creative” and “You’re so smart”.

What do you think? Did we do the right thing? Should kids be praised? If so, how should kids be praised for best results?

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Make a list: Quotes to live by

Quotes are signs we put on our map to navigate through the journey called “life”. We need the signs to find our way through the happiness and sadness, joy and heartaches, challenges and success. They are the guidelines for how we choose to live our life.

My first quotes were sentences from songs I loved. When listening to songs, some people hear the melody. I always pay attention to the lyrics. Whenever I chose to carve them on my life map, I copied them into my diary and read them from time to time.

One song that was most meaningful for me as a teenager was John Lennon’s “Imagine”. It is not a coincidence that today, many years later, I am the state coordinator of Together for Humanity, a foundation advocating living in peace and harmony.

Finding and listing 100 quotes that you consider good guidelines for living is a good way to discover who you are, what you want for yourself in life and what your need to overcome. Through the quotes, you can find out what your thoughts, values, needs and beliefs are and direct yourself towards a good life.

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All Men Are… All Women Are…

In previous parts of the “Save Your Marriage” series, I discussed some of the problems that arise in relationships. This week, I will cover another one of the disturbing conflicts in any relationship – being trapped by stereotypes about gender.

In married life, there will always be obstacles threatening the stability of the marriage. Working through personal perceptions and interpretations is the key to overcoming such challenges.

Shortcut to divorce

Men and women perceive emotions, communication, sex, fidelity, work and money differently. They think the way they do because of the way they have been socialized and because of the way they have been shaped by their parents’ perceptions. From a very early age, we are “programmed” to believe that there are such things as “typical male” and “typical female” behavior. If you want a demonstration of how early this starts, look at your kids playing “shop” and consider how you choose baby clothes. Is it true that all baby girls love pink and baby boys love blue? No. Yet, most parents, when buying clothes, do not want to risk going against the grain by swapping colors.

Endless messages such as these are received during childhood and turn into beliefs and values that couples take into their marriage later on in life. Each party to a couple has his or her own “programmed” definition of what is typical, what is acceptable, what is tolerable and what is intolerable in a marriage relationship. Each of them may think that there is a particular way to show love to men that is different from the way you show love to women or that all men love sports and all women love jewelry and, without knowing, such gender beliefs can become a shortcut to divorce.

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Should I Choose a Single-sex School for My Child?

The single-sex school originated during the 18th century, when rich families sent their sons to “special” schools. Only later, in the 19th century, when the awareness of the value of education increased, were girls also sent to study. Single-sex schools were very popular in England and now also in Australia.

Today, the single-sex schools are popular among religious populations and even more during high school.

Supporters of single-sex schools believe they help kids concentrate on their academic work and avoid the sexual distractions of adolescence.

Critics believe that some social skills relating to the opposite sex reaches its peak development during teenage and that if teens do not have enough practice, this limit their social skills and their ability to relate later on.

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Will Marriage Kill Our Relationship?

Here is a question I was asked by a writer from a famous women’s magazine, who wanted my opinion as a life coach.

My girl friend is getting married soon and I feel a bit left out. I feel she is moving on without me. What is the best way to ensure our friendship stays the same, now that we are on different life paths?

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In The Outback With Jasmine – Journey to Freedom

In the Outback with Jasmine Banks by Ronit Baras

Reading is one of the most popular and accessible ways to make this journey. There are many personal development books and many of them are very good books. I must have read hundreds of books myself. As an author, I love books, love reading and get a lot from it. I still remember ads from childhood saying “books are your friends”, “your book will take you on a journey”. They have certainly worked miracles for me.

I am happy to announce the official launch of my new book “In the Outback with Jasmine Banks – Journey to Freedom”, the story of young women with similar fears to most people, who manages to find a new definition for what life is all about.

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Gentle Men and Strong Women – Avoiding the Male Teacher Trap

In her article More male teachers needed, Gayle wrote about the reasons male teachers are needed in the education system. She expressed it from a mother’s point of view and described how beneficial it is for children to have male figures in their life, especially in a society where many kids do not live with mum and dad in the same house.

Now, although the education system’s purpose is to mould the habits and mindset of society, what happens when the teachers says, “Men can be whatever they want and women can be whatever they want”, but when the kids go home, they see dad fixing electrical appliances and mum cleaning. YOU, the parent, are still the most influential agent in your kids’ life. Compared to you and your thoughts, beliefs and ideas about gender, the education system stands no chance.

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Anorexia: Dying to Be Thin!

I recently spent some time coaching a woman suffering from Anorexia Nervosa. She weighed 32kg and would not eat to save her life!

A study in high schools in Canada found that 50% of girls were on a diet because they thought they were overweight. If your daughter is young and you think, “I’ll deal with it when she is a teen”, think again. Records show that eating disorders are increasingly seen in children as young as 10. A research in Canada in 2002 found 37% of Canadian females aged 11, 42% aged 13 and 48% aged 15 say they need to lose weight. By the way, 52% of them started dieting before the age of 14.

What can we do about it? I think we can do a lot.

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