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Home » divorce » Page 3

Every Child Knows

Every parent knows that dealing with other human beings is not always smooth. We find ourselves interacting with different people all the time, with a wide variety of communication styles, values, beliefs and perspectives. That diversity can cause all kinds of misunderstandings, awkward moments and sometimes even serious friction.

Yet much of the time, most people operate under the assumption that “every child knows” what they know, that what seems clear and simple to them is as clear and simple to others. In fact, it is not the differences between us and the other people that create the friction, it is our expectation that they can see our point of view.

The TV series Lie to Me has brought the interpretation of facial expressions and body language into our living room, but unless you have developed these skills with a lot of supervised practice, it is likely that you can read what someone else is feeling correctly as often as not. If your partner walks in the door looking upset, are they sorry they are late, did they have a flat tire, did they get fired or did they just step in something unpleasant? It is hard to tell.

Here is an example.

John gets fires from work. He is so upset he cannot speak and decides to wait until the kids have gone to bed before sharing the bad news with Betty. Not knowing what has happened, Betty casually asks him if he can pick something up on his way back from work tomorrow.

John explodes.

Betty has no idea what just happened.

Read Every Child Knows »

May 11, 2011 by Gal Baras In: Parenting, Relationships / Marriage Tags: acceptance / judgment / tolerance, behavior / discipline, beliefs, communication, communication styles, divorce, focus, friends / friendship, how to, kids / children, love, practical parenting / parents, relationships / marriage, teens / teenagers

Boiled Frog

From time to time, I get it by email. Now, with social media, I also get it on Facebook and Twitter. It is the story of the frog in hot water. In case you have never read it, here it is for your reading pleasure:

Frogs’ sense of heat actually detects differences in temperature. If you take a frog at room temperature and drop it into hot water, the frog will jump right back out as quickly as it can. However, if you put the frog into a pot of tap water and then gradually heat the water, the frog will just enjoy the nice wet environment and think nothing of it … until it is cooked.

“Eew, gross”, you say, or maybe, “How cruel”. OK, gross or cruel it may be, but it is just a story to illustrate a point. And the point is … drum roll …

When we believe everything is good and we do not need to change, reality eventually bites. No matter how subtle, we still need to pay attention to change in our life and do something about it.

Read Boiled Frog »

April 20, 2011 by Gal Baras In: Personal Development, Relationships / Marriage Tags: acceptance / judgment / tolerance, beliefs, career, change, choice, divorce, emotional intelligence, family matters, fear, focus, how to, lifestyle, motivation, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, projection, relationships / marriage, teens / teenagers

In My Opinion

As a parent, you must have found yourself facing a stubborn child who will just not do what you ask of them. No matter what you want – clean your room, do your homework, stop nagging me to go home – kids sometimes seem to insist on doing the exact opposite.

If that is not enough, your partner may suddenly have strange notions of what should be done and how it should be done with money, around the house, in the yard or on vacation. You find yourself wondering if they have “lost the plot” and if you are the only person who can see things clearly.

These sorts of clashes can be very unpleasant and distressing. They also have the nasty habit of escalating to scary proportions very quickly. Whatever you do to make the other side “get it already”, they grow more persistent, until both sides start throwing hurtful comments, calling each other names and absolutely fuming.

Well, I am here to offer another way of looking at things, which is likely to help. But first, a couple of stories.

The Experiment

Last week, Ronit and I watched a movie called The Experiment. It is loosely based on Stanford University’s prison experiment, but instead of students, a group of adults who really need money are promised $1,000 a day for a “perfectly safe” 14-day experiment. They are taken to an isolated warehouse (the real experiment was in a campus basement), where they are divided into Guards and Prisoners. The guards are given simple rules and told to respond “commensurately”, which means “in proportion to the offense”, and never to use violence. In the “guard” room, there is a red light that will come on if the experiment has to be terminated.

This post is part 4 of 4 in the series Excellence

Read In My Opinion »

March 9, 2011 by Gal Baras In: Parenting, Relationships / Marriage Tags: acceptance / judgment / tolerance, behavior / discipline, beliefs, career, choice, communication, communication styles, divorce, emotional intelligence, family matters, focus, friends / friendship, how to, kids / children, practical parenting / parents, projection, relationships / marriage, social skills, violence

Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (11): Government Policy Suggestions

Parenting and families are important parts of our society. However, many decisions made by governments recognize the role of parents in building the future only partly. Unfortunately, ignoring the important role parents play in building our society has a direct impact on every section of our life.

When parents cannot support themselves, it is hard to expect them to support their children. Many of the skills required to be a good parent cannot be developed from feeling enormous love towards the kids. I used to say that “love is the answer”, but although love is the foundation of parenting, it is not enough in order to raise healthy, happy, good, smart, social, successful and contributing citizens.

Governments can support parents by investing in the right places to prevent greater expenses in the future. For example, if parents could support their kids’ health and wellbeing, the health system could be smaller. If parents could support their kids’ relationships or to manage their finances, the welfare system could shrink and the government could invest more in development, infrastructure and economic growth.

This week, I asked the top parenting bloggers for suggestions we could give government policy makers to support parents and improve parenting and here is what they thought about it. It is interesting to read what they think. Enjoy!

This post is part 11 of 14 in the series Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss

Read Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (11): Government Policy Suggestions »

June 4, 2010 by Ronit Baras In: Opinion, Parenting Tags: change, choice, divorce, early childhood, family matters, government, health / wellbeing, k-12 education, kids / children, lifestyle, practical parenting / parents, relationships / marriage, school, vision

Opportunities of a Work-at-Home Dad

When Gal was a working dad, he spent his time far away from lots of the things that happened at home. He was a working dad for over 16 years. Luckily for us, he was not the working late type of dad, more like a 9 to 5 version, but you know that unless your workplace is a 2-minute walk from home, commute becomes a big time waster too. If you add up rush-hour traffic, for the kids (and myself), Gal was away every day of the week from 7 to 5:30 (and I have to say that at work, he was the only one that said “no” to working late or going out for drinks, because he wanted to have dinner with the kids every night and put them to sleep).

Gal had to make a lot of efforts to come home in time for dinner. I think it was a constant struggle. Working in IT companies, where working until midnight and not having a life was the norm, keeping his family values was not easy.

You are probably asking yourself by now why I am writing this.

I am writing for all the dads reading this blog and also for all the moms in hope I can make a difference.

Read Opportunities of a Work-at-Home Dad »

March 5, 2010 by Ronit Baras In: Opinion, Parenting Tags: career, change, choice, dad, divorce, emotional intelligence, family matters, father, focus, kids / children, lifestyle, men, money, motivation, practical parenting / parents, role model, values

TV Diet (10): Parents’ Influence

Parents do not like to admit, but their attitude and personality contributes a lot to their kids’ desire to watch TV. In this chapter of TV Diet, I will cover some of parents’ behaviors and personalities that drive kids to watch more and more TV.

As you read, I hope you do not find yourself there, but if you do, do not despair. You can turn things around. Of course, as is the “Family Matters” tradition, change will start with you and I will give you the solution (later in the series, so subscribe or come back to read).

This post is part 10 of 18 in the series TV Diet

Read TV Diet (10): Parents’ Influence »

September 7, 2009 by Ronit Baras In: Parenting Tags: academic performance, behavior / discipline, beliefs, choice, divorce, education / learning, focus, friends / friendship, kids / children, lifestyle, practical parenting / parents, relaxation, role model, social skills, stress / pressure, television, tv

TV Diet (6): Disposable relationships

Last week, I wrote about the relationship breakdown between parents and kids as a result of watching too much TV. Today, I cover the influence of TV on couples’ relationships, on the divorce rate and on the breakdown of the family structure.

Two years ago, I wrote about the rising divorce rate in the world. What triggered this article was my parents’ 48th anniversary. This year, my parents celebrate their 50th anniversary and I am very proud of them, but because I work with kids and couples, I am concerned about many others.

I believe the kind of exposure on TV to disposable relationships is making it harder for parents, as well as couples without children, to keep their family structure alive and well.

If you want to understand how concerning the statistics is, here are some marriage statistics.

This post is part 6 of 18 in the series TV Diet

Read TV Diet (6): Disposable relationships »

August 10, 2009 by Ronit Baras In: Parenting, Relationships / Marriage Tags: beliefs, choice, communication, divorce, emotional intelligence, family matters, kids / children, lifestyle, love, perception, practical parenting / parents, relationships / marriage, romance, social skills, television, tv

Crazy Women

This week, I lost it. I finished a session and came crying to Gal. I think I am surrounded with crazy women. It usually takes me a lot longer to say things like this about people, especially when I do not know them, but this week’s emotions accumulated to the point where I must vent.

Read Crazy Women »

July 28, 2009 by Ronit Baras In: Relationships / Marriage Tags: acceptance / judgment / tolerance, behavior / discipline, choice, communication, divorce, emotional intelligence, fat, Life Coaching, love, overweight, relationships / marriage, romance

Hormonal Teenagers (my brutal opinion)

Two weeks ago, I had a session with Ben, one of my clients, who talked about his daughter misbehaving, throwing temper tantrums and being very disrespectful. I think what hit me was when he said, “You know, teens are just hormonal”.

Read Hormonal Teenagers (my brutal opinion) »

July 9, 2009 by Ronit Baras In: Parenting, Teens / Teenagers Tags: behavior / discipline, beliefs, divorce, emotional intelligence, focus, practical parenting / parents, projection, responsibility, self-fulfilling prophecy, teen books, teens / teenagers

Trouble with Loved Ones

I bet that if you compare the amount of love you feel for someone, it will correlate well with the amount of hurt you get from them sometimes and possibly with the number of things they do, which trigger a strong emotional response from you.

Read Trouble with Loved Ones »

July 8, 2009 by Gal Baras In: Relationships / Marriage Tags: acceptance / judgment / tolerance, change, communication, divorce, emotional intelligence, family matters, how to, love, practical parenting / parents, relationships / marriage, stress / pressure, teens / teenagers

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