Family MattersPractical Parenting Blog

Weddings, Love and Marriage

Young couple in love

This week, I went to my young daughter’s school with a group of other mothers to celebrate the teacher’s wedding. On the card from all the families in the class, I wrote “Happy wedding day”, but I did not think it was the right blessing.

You see, my wedding day was not a happy day at all (too much family politics), but it did not change the fact that Gal and I have been together for over 27 years and are still very much in love. In my head, a happy wedding day is no guarantee for a happy marriage and I am sad for it. I would certainly like it to be a sign for the years to come, but it is not.

Relationships require work. Having a loving relationship requires the couple to fall in love with each other again every day! Anniversaries are celebrations of this love, only without the big crowd. It is amazing that the world marriage statistics show that only rare couples reach their 30th wedding anniversary. I think it is about time we changed this (and I suggest we start right away).

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The Story of Mike

Bearded man looking sadly out the window

I met Mike at a café. He was very tall and good looking. He had just left home after 11 years of marriage and said “I hate her” 30 times in one meeting. He wanted to know if I could help him. “I’ve been to counselling, but that didn’t work”, he said to me.

He wanted to divorce and did not know how to go about it. He talked about making this a smooth separation and about finding a new partner. “I’m a one woman man”, he said. I liked it. Working with so many couples seconds before they divorce, at least infidelity was not the reason in this case.

Mike had already arranged the paperwork with his lawyer. “I’m going to divorce her”, he said at the end of the first session.

In many cases, coaching is like being an investigator. At the end of the first session, I sat in the café, writing all the pieces of the puzzle I had gathered from Mike.

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Incentives to Change the Divorce Rate

Old couple with backpacks holding hands

A week ago, I called my mom and dad to wish them a happy 48th anniversary day, but I think the wishes were for me, more than for them. I thanked them for being together, for not getting a divorce, for loving each other, for going through tough things together and for surviving. I wished them 30 more years together. Living to be 100 years old together is a great wish.

My mom and dad are simple people, yet they are special and unique, because they belong to a group of only 5% of people who are living together after so many years.

Look at this list of marriage statistics:

* 82% reach their 5th anniversary
* 65% reach their 10th anniversary
* 52% reach their 15th anniversary
* 33% reach their 25th anniversary
* 20% reach their 35th anniversary, and
* only 5% reach their 50th anniversary

I only need to have a session with my clients every day, to realise how special my parents are and how much I need to thank them for being there together for such a long time, because it made life so much easier for me and I am grateful.

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