Marriage and Divorce Statistics

In part 1 of Save Your Marriage, I gave you 3 simple steps to stop your divorce and save your marriage. This week, I thought some marriage and divorce statistics would give you insight into what happens in the reality of relationships.

Eye-opening marriage and divorce statistics:

As a daughter to parents who are still married and a long-time partner to my beloved boyfriend, I was very surprised to read some of the statistics about marriage and divorce. Yes, I have many clients thinking of divorce, but when they come for coaching, they are in “solution mode”, which makes it easier for them to find their love again.

I believe the marriage situation has reached a level of social disaster.

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How to Get Rid of Doubts

Today, in part 7 of the self-esteem mini-course, I would like to talk about doubts, the killers of self-esteem, and the role parents can play in filling up doubt-holes with confidence.

My hope is that if you want your kids to have high self-esteem, you will shift your focus from your kids to yourself. Because your attitude as a parent is the key to raising happy, confident kids with high self-esteem.

Parents who drink are more likely to raise kids who grow up to be drinkers. Parents who gamble are more likely to raise kids who grow up to gamble themselves. Therefore, parents with doubts and low self-esteem are more likely to raise kids with low self-esteem.

I believe this cycle needs to end.

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5 Common Parenting Mistakes

When I decided to write the post, after many requests, I was not sure if I should call it “5 Common Parenting Mistakes”. You see, calling something a mistake is a form of judgment, like saying there is a right way to do something.

But I do not believe there is a right way. I think there are many ways and they need to suit the person who implements them.

When I studied my Special Education degree, I learned hundreds, if not thousands, of education and psychology theories. It may sound surprising to you, but some of them were in contradiction with others.

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100 Things I Want to Do in My Lifetime

Every person dreams about extreme happiness. That’s a time when we do only the things we want, spend most of our time with the people we love the most, have the money to give ourselves everything we want and are at the peak of our health. In short, our life is perfect.

I think most of our energy in life is spent on bridging the gap between our reality and our dreams, but this energy is wasted if we do not know where we are going.

Many people, when I ask them about what is going to happen in ten years, they say they do not know. I wonder how they can bring themselves to that day without knowing that is where they are going. Most people feel they have no control over what is going to happen in ten years, so they give up planning.

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How to Save Yourself from Divorce

Soon, Gal and I are going to celebrate our 28 years of our life together. Every year that passes, we get more and more requests for our relationship program from people who are considering divorce.

The good news is that they look for solutions before they “turn off the light and send the actors home”. The bad news is they are in an emotional turmoil and are very very unhappy.

If you have seen the movie Mrs Doubtfire or Kramer vs. Kramer, you have probably had a glimpse of what it means to divorce, although a movie cannot describe even a small portion of the emotional stress people go through when they think about separating.

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Sleep Over All Year Round

I remember the days before we bought our second home. Our family told us to buy a place that would fit all our kids into it. Our daughter Eden was just 1 year old and we fell into that trap of thinking 15 years ahead. We never thought about sleep over mania.

The place we bought was a huge apartment with a special room for a teenager. We lived there for about a year and a half and the spare rooms stood empty all this time.

Gal and I, not really having our own rooms most of our childhoods, really wanted our kids to have their own separate rooms. So whenever we moved (by the time Eden was 19, she had lived in 17 different homes), we looked for a house that had space for each of the kids, but things did not work out as we expected.

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34 Life Lessons I Have Learned

I have learned that life is short. You never know when will be the last day of your life. If there is anything you know you will regret not doing or saying, do it or say it now!

I have learned that children are the most precious thing for every mother and father. Dedicate time to your kids. Raising kids does not mean feeding them, sending them to school and doing their laundry. Raising kids is more about loving them and being with them. Spend time with your kids even if they already have kids of their own.

I have learned that writing a journal is a way to keep the memory of who we are. When I keep a journal, I can read it and get to know myself years after I am not that person anymore.

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Hugging Babies is Not Enough

Last week, after posting Self Esteem Mini-Course (part 6), I got this comment from Chuck Bluestein referring to his post called What Causes a Lack of Self-Esteem in Americans. According to Chuck, the lack of physical touch in infants is the source of the problem. In short, we are not hugging babies enough.

Well, Chuck, I agree with you that physical touch is essential for kids’ physical and emotional growth. I even think that parents who think they are “spoiling” their babies by holding them in their hands are being unreasonable.

Yes, babies need hugging and touching. But the real problem in our society starts when they grow a bit and Mom and Dad think it is inappropriate to touch them anymore. It reached a stage where grown-ups who lived together in the same house for years shake hands when they see each other.

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Whose Turn Is It to Wash the Dishes?

Many of the conflicts between parents and kids are related to household chores. What usually happens is that parents are (of course) responsible for the household chores and find it very difficult to handle everything by themselves, so they ask the kids to share the load of cleaning and taking care of the house.

In the stereotypical house, Mom is in charge of what happens inside the house: cleaning, washing and feeding, while Dad is mostly in charge of what happens outside: swimming pool, fixing and mowing. I believe that this separation of responsibilities is the source of the conflict between parents and kids. If one parent needs to do one thing and the other is the other, where is the sense of togetherness and where is the sharing?

I remember my childhood years, when cleaning the house was no fun at all. My mom left for work very early, my dad worked two jobs and we had to clean the house, over which we had many, many fights.

Fighting over who was going to wash the dishes was the “story” of my family. We would hate each other, tell on each other, fight and cry just to avoid washing or cleaning. There were five of us and even now, 30 years later, we all remember the nasty fights over house chores.

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Let’s Divorce After I Get My Period

My client Meg came today very emotional and sad. She had been successfully working on her relationship with her husband for over 3 months but doubts had crept in after a serious argument.

Meg has been with her husband for over 10 years. When he started talking about having kids, she started talking about divorcing.

“I do not know if we love each other anymore. We don’t have fun together, the sex is not what it used to be”, she thought and came to me for coaching to make the decision about staying or leaving.

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