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Home » Life Coaching » Beautiful people » Let’s Divorce After I Get My Period

Let’s Divorce After I Get My Period

Woman kicking man off a cliff

Even women who don’t have serious PMS should consider if they’re getting their period before fighting with their partner. My client Meg Knows it now.

She came today very emotional and sad. She had been successfully working on her relationship with her husband for over 3 months, but doubts had crept in after a serious argument.

Meg has been with her husband for over 10 years. When he started talking about having kids, she started talking about divorcing.

“I do not know if we love each other anymore. We don’t have fun together, the sex is not what it used to be”, she thought and came to me for coaching to make the decision about staying or leaving.

I have only seen her three times. In the first session, she used up most of the tissue box I had on the table. She was emotional, scared and very confused. She did not know what she wanted (although she knew exactly what she did not want – see pink elephants).

Couple looking upset

All her options seemed bad: staying together was very unhappy, leaving seemed miserable, going to work was no fun, social life was painful, relationships with family were not very communicative, body image was low, health needed attention, she did not dedicate any time to herself and the thought of having kids was terrifying.

Things seem hopeless

At first glance, it seemed she was in big trouble. But my philosophy is that when things are that bad, every tiny improvement is noticeable. That happiness only needs a seed to grow from.

In the second session, Meg was much more positive. She had shifted from “life sucks” to “there is hope” and was full of motivation to change her life. She had a plan regarding her health, a plan regarding changing her body image, a plan regarding her sex life and her relationships. As she was leaving, she told me she was going to make it.

She did make it, too. For over two months, everything started happening. She joined a gym and was much more energetic and happy. Her relationship with her husband improved so much that when I talked to her on the phone, she was happy and excited and said they had never had such a good time together

Today, Meg came for her third session.

She used most of the tissue box (again). On Saturday, she had a big fight with her husband and she thought about getting a divorce again.

“What happened?”, I asked her.

Couple looking like they've had a fight“We had an argument about our business partner. I called my sister and I told her this was the end and I was not going to continue like that”. She talked for about 10 minutes about the argument, about going away and about the doubts she was having. She was very, very emotional.

I was confused. When I talked to her on the phone, she was so happy and one argument managed to destroy everything we had built over 3 months.

“Are you still angry at each other?”, I asked her.

“No, last night we sorted everything out”, she said, “This is a record, actually. Usually, we do not talk to each other for two weeks after an argument, but this time it took us a day to talk it over”.

I thought about my arguments with Gal. Having a serious argument once every two months that lasts a whole day seemed like a bargain to me. Just last week, Gal and I had a big one, and everything he said had upset me. This gave me an idea.

Are you getting your period?

“When were you supposed to get your period?”, I asked Meg and she paused for a second and leaned back in her chair. We said nothing for a while, but I could see her brain processing my question (well, I could not see, but I am a visual person, so I imagine things).

I knew I had asked this question for me, too. The days before my period seem so hard, with cramps and backache, and I can be so emotional that every family movie I watch or emotional song I hear can make me cry, and the arguments, oh boy, arguments then get out of proportion.

Couple sitting at opposite ends of couchMeg smiled, “The argument was the day before I got my period”. I think she felt relieved, because she stopped crying and said, “My goodness. It was PMS”, and told me how her thoughts and feeling get out of proportion the 3-4 days before her period. I knew exactly what she meant.

“When was the last time you had such an argument that made you think about divorce?”, I asked her.

“About 3 months ago, before I came to see you. Now that I think about it, it was also before my period, so that could be PMS, too. Last time we did not talk for two weeks. I think we are doing much better now,” she said.

“Let us say you have a nasty argument every two months. That is a total of 6 bad days in your relationship a year. Would you throw away the other 359 days of happiness for it?”, I asked her.

Meg left the session very happy. She loves Ben very much. The goal regarding making the decision to stay or go changed to one about having kids together. We agreed that she would avoid talks about divorce until after her period.

Loving couple

So, ladies, the next time you have a really bad argument, please check your calendar, and make important decisions on days unaffected by PMS.

Guys, good news for you. If you find yourself in the middle of an unexpected storm, it may pass within a few days. Do not bring up anything important until it is safe to do so.

Happy days,
Ronit

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April 16, 2008 by Ronit Baras In: Beautiful people, Family Matters, Health / Wellbeing, Relationships / Marriage Tags: communication, divorce, emotional intelligence, happiness, Life Coaching, love, relationships / marriage, stress / pressure, women

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Comments

  1. candace says

    March 19, 2011 at 11:14 AM

    I agree with this article. A lot of times when we argue about something, it’s really a totally different reason we are so upset. We use any vehicle we can to release our emotions and frustrations. You may scream at your husband for leaving his clothes on the floor. But is that really what your upset about? If we digg deeper, as this article states, maybe it really something else that’s got us irritable. Understanding this will help to understand it may not be your relationship, but personal issues that need to be dealt with.Thanks for sharingHow do I know if He Loves Me

    Reply
  2. Ronit Baras says

    September 21, 2009 at 5:22 PM

    HI Sandra,

    I liked the idea of going to the doctor and asking something to keep you from wanting to divorce.

    I wish doctors had the medication for it.

    You are so lucky to have an understanding husband.

    Just remember it is 3 days every 30 days so enjoy the rest of the month.

    Happy day
    Ronit

    Reply
  3. Sandra says

    September 18, 2009 at 1:56 PM

    I asked the doctor for something to keep me from wanting a divorce when it was time for my period.I’m almost 51yrs. old when I get ready to start my period I get so enraged anymore, I can feel myself almost out of control. I don’t remember my periods being this bad before. But now I do realize I’m PMSing, you don’t dare tell me that when I’m in that frame of mind. I do also talk alot about divorce. Luckly my husband loves me or doesn’t know any better, he puts up with it, but he’s also the one that gets me going.

    Reply
  4. Meliza says

    June 5, 2009 at 12:45 PM

    Is the first time i saw your blog and looks nice, thanks Ronit for sharing your good advice.

    Greetings

    Reply
    • Ronit Baras says

      July 28, 2009 at 5:05 PM

      Meliza,

      I hope to see you here more and read your contribution to other readers.

      Ronit

      The Motivational Speaker

      Reply
  5. Ronit Baras says

    April 21, 2009 at 1:50 PM

    Funny, but I tend to agree that the days before the period are “unstable mental situations”.

    I am sure we all fail to make decisions on such stressful and unstable moments and it is a shame.

    divorce is not something people should take lightly. nor marriage and it is always better to distance yourself from such situations and make decisions when happy and fulfilled.

    I know it sounds strange but marriage is tested by hard moments and divorced needs to be decided on happy moments.

    thanks

    Ronit
    Family Matters

    Reply
  6. How do i change my name says

    April 17, 2009 at 11:07 PM

    Hi Ronit,

    It’s great advice on “how to save marriage life” which you gave on blog post. I agree with you that taking the help of relationship coaching will save many turbulent marriages.

    I think we need not take any hasty decision under unstable mental situation, as it will affect on our future lives. Once you made wrong decision then there’ll be no remedy, except to regret on the decision that you made. it’s better to think twice before you take any decision.

    Thanks for your great post.

    Reply
  7. Ronit Baras says

    April 7, 2009 at 9:15 AM

    Thanks Richard,

    I am glad you think it is a good advice.
    I have a feeling that there are so many marriage breakdown and divorce rate is so high that we must do something about it.

    I do hope to change it through writing and coaching. It is my service and contribution.

    Meg is pregnant now and about to have a baby. She writes me every month an update about her relationship with Ben – they are doing great.

    I agree with you Richard about getting an independent and professional advice. There is a great success rate in relationship coaching.

    Dear readers
    Before making any decision about splitting or divorcing go see someone. I obviously recommend a life coach or a relationship coach – I think it is different than counseling. All of my relationship clients can tell you that it saved their marriage. And make sure never to make such important decisions around those sensitive days of the month.

    Happy Marriage
    Ronit
    Family Matters

    Reply

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