Everyone has rules for establishing self-worth. Just like the need for approval forms in our early years, due to our relationship with people who are significant to us, our definition of self-worth comes from them too. Parents and educators are the main source of our thoughts about our self-worth.
Irrational Rules of Living – External Approval
Do As I Do
In one of the newsletters I get regularly, I received a link to the article titled “Social media…dirty word or essential skill?” I am sure most parents with Internet access and a teen or two would vote for “dirty word”, considering their kids’ obsessive texting, chatting and emailing.
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The Magic Money Jar
Sabrina did not believe it when she overheard the school librarian talking about the days her grandfather had been so poor he used to walk 45 minutes to work to save the money required for a bus ticket. “He made all his money from the jar”, said the librarian to her friend. Sabrina thought he had made his money from building houses and was very surprised.
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Relationship Between Two Onions
Many couples in crisis get to this situation because they do not know each other well. Knowing each other is the first step in overcoming conflicts. In this part of “Save Your Marriage”, I am going to write about the importance of knowing your partner and teach you how to learn all there is to know about your partner. Getting to know your partner’s fears, joys, history and attitude are the first step of any relationship.
Think of marriage as a relationship between two onions. For a couple to get closer, they have to peel the layers of the onion one by one. In the beginning, when you meet a potential partner, you peel the thin external layers. As the relationship deepens, you need to peel more and more layers to discover the beautiful person hiding inside.
To understand, respect and love each other in our marriage, we must truly get to know the person sharing out life. Sometimes, just knowing what their fears are or their joys can change a whole life. I remember the first time Gal gave me his list of “50 things that make me happy” and I was surprised to find out he was happy about very little things. It was surprising, because we had lived together for over 15 years.
Assuming that if you live together you know everything is a bad idea. Even if we knew out partner well at some point, we still need to update ourselves and keep learning about them because, just like us, our partner changes with every event in their life.
If you ever go on a TV show of the “best married couple” type, they will ask how much you know about each other.
Why?
Because everyone assumes that knowing things about each other is essential to your success as a married couple.
Who Wants to Be Busy?
Time is a valuable resource. The older we get, the less spare time we have to do the things we want to do. Most people are trapped in “must do” action so much that fun, pleasure and enjoyment are neglected and shrunk to a minimum.
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How to Measure Your Life
If you are like me and like many other people I know, you sometimes ask yourself just how successful you are. Birthdays and New Years are typical opportunities to do this, but there are many other soft moments, when we find ourselves sitting quietly and thinking, “How is my life going?”
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The World Bank: Claim Your Money
When the Children Cry
I met Amir this year when we both worked for the “together for humanity” organization in Australia. He had black skin and spoke broken English. In the presentation we did together, he told the kids he was from Africa. It is amazing, but most of us in the organization are either educators or social workers. Amir was only in his first year of study for his Social Work degree. As part of the program, he talked to the kids about being “black” and suffering for it. I did not know quite what he meant when he said “suffering”.
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The Art of Misery
For many years, I have been writing about the quest for happiness and, as you may now, I believe that focusing on good is the best way to make it expand. However, there are (many) people who find negative examples more effective, so I am going to try some humor (taking a cue from my kids, who flattered me this month when I bought a funny birthday card and said I was developing my sense of humor) and talk a little bit about the dark side of life.
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