Kids Shopping for a Feeling

Among the roles of a parent, the one role that parents do not like very much is being a bank. How many times have you heard yourself say, “Do I look like a bank?” or “Money does not grow on trees”? At one point, every parent wishes they could give their children everything they desire, until they realize that not everything their kids want is what they actually want to give them.

The “Daddy, buy me!” syndrome is a modern disease of our materialistic world. Once upon a time, everyone was poor and the heroes of our old stories were of a time when people always shared their last remaining bits of food with animals and people who “needed it more”.

Nowadays, in our world of abundance, there are advertisements everywhere, encouraging people to buy things they really do not need. Those ads treat everyone as if they had an enormous budget and try to convince you that you cannot possibly live without this and that even your “Daddy bank” cannot stand in your way.

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Just a Little Kick to the Head

I was sitting one evening and flicking through the channels when my favorite program had yet another long commercial break. One of the other channels was showing “The Footy Show”, and I paused on it for a few seconds.

The word “Footy” is short for “Australian Rules Football”, one of the preferred sports in Australia. It involves two teams of muscular men with tight clothes and various helmets and bandages, running around on a field and chasing an egg-shaped ball, with the aim of kicking it between two posts. It’s “a man’s game”, you see, where tackles abound.

Just as I was watching, there was a short clip of an incident that had happened during the previous week, in which two players slid on the grass, both trying to get the ball. One of them got it, and as he was getting up, turned and stuck his knee in the face of the other player, who was still lying on the grass. I was horrified at this, but not so the commentators.

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Parenting the Socrates Way: Types of Questions

This entry is part 3 of 3 in the series Parenting the Socrates Way

Over the last two weeks, I presented the technique of parenting the Socrates way through questions. The first chapter introduced the benefit of asking questions. The second chapter discussed the right and wrong questions to ask. This week, we will explore the types of questions that you can use to stimulate thinking, creativity, focus, proportion, clarity, motivation and growth in your children.

“An honest man is always a child”
– Socrates

Open questions – Questions that make kids think.
For example, “What do you think?”

Closed question – Questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no”.
For example, “Would you like to come with me to the shops?”

Why questions – Questions that go deep in order to find reasons (and can encourage the kids to give excuses or to blame someone, so be careful about them).
For example, “Why are your hands dirty?”

Rhetorical questions…

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Ms Self Esteem has an Identity Crisis

This entry is part 12 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

The term “self-esteem” comes from a Greek word meaning, “reverence for self”. “Reverence” means “respect, admiration, worship, awe, astonishment and amazement”.

The “self” part of self-esteem, as I have described in the early chapters of this mini-course, includes the values, beliefs and attitudes that we hold about ourselves.

The “esteem” part of self-esteem, means having “high regard” or a “good opinion” of our values, beliefs and attitudes.

Whether you choose the two simple words “Self Esteem” or the 3 Greek words “reverence for self”, it seems that self-esteem, for most, is having an identity crisis and is in urgent need of therapy.

Since launching this course, I have had many questions about the definition of self-esteem. It is amazing to discover how diverse and deep the meanings can be (well, any discovery is amazing). So I have decided to take Ms Self Esteem (some will say it is a Mr) to the experts to discuss this crisis.

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Mom Breaks Guinness World Record for Biggest Twister Mat

Biggest Twister mat Guinness world record

Last month, I met with Anna, a friend of mine, and she asked me how the kids were doing. I told her about their adventures. They had had the most wonderful year. One excelled in music, one in dance and one in her studies and she said to me,

When your kids succeed, it is as if you have succeeded

That being true, let me tell you how I broke the Guinness World Record for the biggest Twister mat.

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Sarcasm – The Weapon of Helplessness

Ronit and I have a very good friend, who has been in a difficult personal situation in the past couple of years. He feels very frustrated by his circumstances and sees himself powerless to break out of them and live a happy life again.

Often, when he talks to other people, he uses sarcasm.

For example, one day he was contacted by a large company, which I was not familiar with. He got excited about it, but wanted to seem like he was keeping his cool, so as not to get disappointed if he did not get an order from them later on. So he said to me, “Gal, I just got off the phone with company XYZ”.

“What is this company?”, I asked.

“Oh, it’s just a small company nobody knows”, he said in a seemingly casual tone.

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Divorcing Your Parents (Poll)

I get many questions about parent-child relationships and thought it would be a good idea to have a poll about your relationship with your parents. How is your relationship with your parents? Do you think your parents have done the right things by you as a child? Have you ever considered divorcing them?

I have been talking (OK, writing) a lot about parenting and relationships and I believe that the way our parents bring us up has an enormous effect on our attitude towards our own children (for good and for bad).

You think of the word “divorce” as describing the situation when a couple is going through a relationship breakdown. However, parents and kids (even grown-up kids) go through what I like to call an “emotional divorce”.

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Ronit Baras’ Success Experience Theory

Kids having a success experience at the computer

This entry is part 11 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

The more success experiences kids have when they’re young the higher their self esteem. Your role as a parent is to provide your children with opportunities to succeed.

Many parents ask me about their kids’ self-esteem. It’s hard for parents to accept that the kids they love so much and worked so hard to raise the best way they could, may still have low self-esteem and that it affects their happiness and success in life.

Parents who are on a quest to have happy kids, need to take into consideration that much of the self-esteem is developed during childhood. This takes us back to the early years, which I believe are the most important in our development.

This does not mean that self-esteem cannot be changed at any other time in life by choice. It just means that your child, just like you are doing now, will have to make extra effort to change it later.

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Are Your Kids Stress Free?

Stress is considered the number one killer in our society. Whereas in the past, a healthy lifestyle included eating well, sleeping well and exercising enough as the main characteristics, today, being stress-free is another important one.

As a parent, I am sure that you feel stressed many times a day. Juggling home tasks, quality time with your partner, work and attending to all your kids’ needs can be demanding. Stress becomes part of everyday life. Stress is a feeling of tension or pressure because of something that happened in the past, something that is happening now or fear of something that might only happen in the future.

Stress and constant pressure can make you unhappy and unhealthy. The most common problems associated with stress are insomnia, migraine, indigestion and depression.

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The Unpleasant Side of Divorce

This entry is part 6 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

Getting married is entering into a contract – but it is probably the one contract that is the easiest to break. This is because divorce has made it easy for husbands and wives to walk out when they go through unhappy periods in their lives.

John Crouch, Executive Director of Americans for Divorce Reform, says that the most important economic contract of our lives – marriage – is no longer legally protected.

Just think – lawyers will fight tooth and nail to protect corporations in their contractual relations between you and your landlord, your mechanic and your doctor, but they cannot prevent you from breaking up with your spouse.

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