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Home » Family Matters » Kids / Children » Parenting the Socrates Way: Types of Questions

Parenting the Socrates Way: Types of Questions

Open question words on a board

Over the last two weeks, I presented the technique of parenting the Socrates way through questions. The first chapter introduced the benefit of asking questions. The second chapter discussed the right and wrong questions to ask.

This week, we will explore the types of questions that you can use to stimulate thinking, creativity, focus, proportion, clarity, motivation and growth in your children.

An honest man is always a child

Socrates

Open questions – Questions that make kids think.

For example, “What do you think?”

Closed question – Questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no”.

For example, “Would you like to come with me to the shops?”

Why questions – Questions that go deep in order to find reasons (and can encourage the kids to give excuses or to blame someone, so be careful about them).

For example, “Why are your hands dirty?”

Laurel wreath

Rhetorical questions – Questions that are not questions. Such questions are more statements than questions. Try to avoid using such questions with kids unless you are using them to say something good about them.

For example, “You are great at this, aren’t you?”

Feeling questions – Such questions are important to understand what your kids are feeling and they will encourage your kids to express themselves.

For example, “How do you feel about what he did?”

HeartsSituational questions – Questions that you ask to uncover what is happening with your kids now. Such questions will help you discover your kids’ perceptions of their current situation.

For example, “How are you feeling about it today?

Inquiry questions – Questions that can help you find out what your kids want – what motivates them and their desires.

For example, “What do you want?”

Action questions – Questions that promote action and help you, as the parent, to find out how your kids perceive their ability to change the situation. Usually after inquiry questions, you can ask action questions, to help your kid act on his wants.

For example, “How are you planning to do that?” or “What is the next step?”

Thought provoking questions – These questions make kids think, re-think, and help them look at things from different perspectives.

For example, “What would you have done if you were in his place?”, “What else could you do?” or “How would you do it differently?”

Endless possibilities questions – Some questions can present many possibilities and encourage kids to explore those possibilities. Use such questions a lot, they are the source of creativity.

Lightbulbs with a globe pattern

For example, “If you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?”, “If you could stay at home for the whole year, what would you do?” or “If you could do it all over again, how would you do it with your new knowledge?”

Clarifying questions – Such questions are for you, the parent, to get a clear understanding of something you are not sure about.

For example, “What did you mean when you said…?”

Being questions – These questions help kids define who they are and help parents support their kids establishing their own identity.

For example, “How proud of yourself are you now?”

Solution questions – Questions that suggest thoughts about solutions can help your kids become problem solvers.

For example, “How can you solve the problem?” or “Who do you know who can help you with this?”

Encouraging questions – Questions that help kids move forward towards better beliefs, thoughts and experiences. Such questions are very helpful in giving support in difficult situations.

For example, “Can you see what is going to happen after you finish the project?” or “How about you take a short break and come back to it later?”

Greek statue of pondering man with bird on his head

Reminder questions – These questions remind the kids about things that they already know. If you state these things as questions, it supports the communication instead of presenting you as a control freak.

For example, “Do you remember that we have agreed you watch TV only after you finish your homework?”

Challenging questions – These questions will help kids stretch themselves.

For example, “Can you do it a little bit better next time?”

Keep in mind that questions go straight to the subconscious, so even if your kids do not answer immediately, the questions stimulate their thinking. Get yourself familiar with all the types of questions to help you use positive, challenging and encouraging questions.

Warning: Socrates became one of the greatest philosophers of all times using the same questions, but because he overdid it, some people considered him a pain. He literally died for asking too many questions.

Make sure you are sincere in your questioning and that you genuinely want your kids to learn and to know. Be sincere in wanting to help and encourage them. You are not an investigator, nor are the kids criminals needing to justify themselves for their fears and wants.

Choose good questions and use them wisely. Remember, questions are great tools to raise kids.

Happy Parenting!
Ronit

 

This post is part of the series Parenting the Socrates Way:

  • Parenting the Socrates Way: Asking Questions
  • Parenting the Socrates Way: How to Ask Questions
  • Parenting the Socrates Way: Types of Questions

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June 3, 2008 by Ronit Baras In: Kids / Children, Parenting, Relationships / Marriage, Teens / Teenagers Tags: communication, emotional intelligence, family matters, focus, kids / children, motivation, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, positive attitude tips, practical parenting / parents, teens / teenagers

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Comments

  1. Ronit Baras says

    June 4, 2008 at 3:31 PM

    Hi Tina,

    I think the question “How do you feel?” is one of my top tools in life coaching. It is almost everyone’s reaction. Smile, embraced smile and I can see ( well, visual me, I cannot really see but I can imagine…) the wheels in the brain going round and round. “Ronit, what kind of question is that?” “mmm, I do not know how to answer that question” “How do I feel?” So you were just the same.

    Gal says this question freed him totally. At every situation he needs to deal with he asks himself, how do I feel about it and it shift the focus into a more conscious state of being.

    I agree with you, it is important in the moving forward quest.
    Kids, learning that technique from an early age, have a better, stronger emotional intelligent because they master level 1 of EQ.

    4 levels of Emotional intelligence:
    Recognising own feeling
    Controlling own feelings
    Recognising feelings in others
    Helping and supporting others with their feelings.

    If the kids are very young, you can suggest feelings like:
    “What you are feeling now is hunger, let’s eat” using this sentence with my kids helped a lot before dinner times.
    “What you are feeling now is disappointment, I would feel the same if I were you” giving legitimisation to feel that way.
    “What you are feeling now is jealousy, there will be always people around us having things we do not have”
    “What you are feeling now is anger, It is not nice of your friend to do something like that, but you are strong, you know tomorrow you’ll go back to playing together”

    Thanks for coming again.

    Happy day
    Ronit
    https://www.behappyinlife.com

    Reply
  2. tina says

    June 4, 2008 at 9:32 AM

    Hey Ronit. I hadn’t realised until meeting you just how important situational questions are. I don’t remember ever having been asked “how I felt” about a particular situation. I remember the first time you asked me and I had absolutely no idea how I felt… Now I realise how important it is. If you do not know how you feel about or how you perceive a particular situation – then you have no way of moving on. So its important for kids to learn at a young age to explore their feelings and perceptions. This will surely make them successful problem-solvers long term.

    Reply

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