34 Life Lessons I Have Learned

I have learned that life is short. You never know when will be the last day of your life. If there is anything you know you will regret not doing or saying, do it or say it now!

I have learned that children are the most precious thing for every mother and father. Dedicate time to your kids. Raising kids does not mean feeding them, sending them to school and doing their laundry. Raising kids is more about loving them and being with them. Spend time with your kids even if they already have kids of their own.

I have learned that writing a journal is a way to keep the memory of who we are. When I keep a journal, I can read it and get to know myself years after I am not that person anymore.

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Hugging Babies is Not Enough

Last week, after posting Self Esteem Mini-Course (part 6), I got this comment from Chuck Bluestein referring to his post called What Causes a Lack of Self-Esteem in Americans. According to Chuck, the lack of physical touch in infants is the source of the problem. In short, we are not hugging babies enough.

Well, Chuck, I agree with you that physical touch is essential for kids’ physical and emotional growth. I even think that parents who think they are “spoiling” their babies by holding them in their hands are being unreasonable.

Yes, babies need hugging and touching. But the real problem in our society starts when they grow a bit and Mom and Dad think it is inappropriate to touch them anymore. It reached a stage where grown-ups who lived together in the same house for years shake hands when they see each other.

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Let’s Divorce After I Get My Period

My client Meg came today very emotional and sad. She had been successfully working on her relationship with her husband for over 3 months but doubts had crept in after a serious argument.

Meg has been with her husband for over 10 years. When he started talking about having kids, she started talking about divorcing.

“I do not know if we love each other anymore. We don’t have fun together, the sex is not what it used to be”, she thought and came to me for coaching to make the decision about staying or leaving.

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Weddings, Love and Marriage

This week, I went to my young daughter’s school with a group of other mothers to celebrate the teacher’s wedding. On the card from all the families in the class, I wrote “Happy wedding day”, but I did not think it was the right blessing.

You see, my wedding day was not a happy day at all (too much family politics), but it did not change the fact that Gal and I have been together for over 27 years and are still very much in love. In my head, a happy wedding day is no guarantee for a happy marriage and I am sad for it. I would certainly like it to be a sign for the years to come, but it is not.

Relationships require work. Having a loving relationship requires the couple to fall in love with each other again every day! Anniversaries are celebrations of this love, only without the big crowd. It is amazing that the world marriage statistics show that only rare couples reach their 30th wedding anniversary. I think it is about time we changed this (and I suggest we start right away).

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Angels of Love and Demons of Fear

Dark angel looking over box with golden figure inside it

Once upon a time, in a small village, lived a family. They had a small guest house at the back of their property, where people passing by stayed for the night.

All four of their kids helped in the guest house and when they finished their chores, went to play with the other kids – all but the second son, Tom.

Tom was a very quiet and a sad boy. He never smiled, never laughed and the other kids did not want to play with him.

One day, an old man came to the guest house and Tom, who loved listening to the guests’ stories, showed the old man his room.

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Check Your Temperature on Valentine’s Day

Box of chocolates and flowers for Valentine's Day

If you are single not by choice or you do have a partner but struggle in your relationship, Valentine’s Day can be a sad day.

I guess after the hype of the cards and the gifts, the chocolate and the romantic dinners, each and one of us considers it a reflection day, a day to check how much we love each other and how much love there is around us.

For many people, the chocolates are there to ease the sadness.

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When Will You Get Married?

I am 36, my younger brother is getting married and the whole family nags me about getting married.

I’m so stressed about that wedding. I hate weddings. Everyone has something to say about me not being married.

Any tips?

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7 Easy Secrets of Behaviour Management

Behaviour management seems to be a big part of parenting. Parents struggle with their kids’ behaviour over their entire parenting “career”.

Many times, I have been asked if I had a “magic formula” to solve behavioural problems and I always say that behaviour management is not fixing behavioural problems but preventing them from happening.

The difference between fixing a problem and preventing it is the difference between a proactive mindset and a reactive one. When I need to fix a problem, I become “The Fire Brigade” and start putting out fires and that is no fun, because I am then controlled by the circumstances or the people around me (the kids).

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How to Fill Your Love Tank

It was a very open discussion. Parents talked about their own experiences regarding physical touch. Most were above the age of 40. They talked about living as kids in a society that had discouraged physical expressions like hugs and kisses as soon as kids became teens.

Some talked about coming from cultures where fathers shook hands with their kids. One mother said her teen did not like her hugging and kissing him, especially around others. Then, another mother, let’s call her Maggie, who was there by herself, raised her hand and asked a question:

“I understand the importance of hugs, but I find it hard to hug my daughter. What can I do?”

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The Story of Mike

Bearded man looking sadly out the window

I met Mike at a café. He was very tall and good looking. He had just left home after 11 years of marriage and said “I hate her” 30 times in one meeting. He wanted to know if I could help him. “I’ve been to counselling, but that didn’t work”, he said to me.

He wanted to divorce and did not know how to go about it. He talked about making this a smooth separation and about finding a new partner. “I’m a one woman man”, he said. I liked it. Working with so many couples seconds before they divorce, at least infidelity was not the reason in this case.

Mike had already arranged the paperwork with his lawyer. “I’m going to divorce her”, he said at the end of the first session.

In many cases, coaching is like being an investigator. At the end of the first session, I sat in the café, writing all the pieces of the puzzle I had gathered from Mike.

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