Kids’ Life Manual

“Kids hold the truth that was given to them as a manual at birth. Over years, chapters are erased and what they know naturally starts to fade. Stay around kids. They will remind you what you have known all along” – Ronit Baras.

I have always said kids know something we adults do not. I guess this is the reason I have made a choice to be around them and discover who I was and the purpose of my life. I do not think it is a coincidence I teach happiness, run motivation workshops, write personal growth books, coach and blog on family matters. All that I teach, I have learned from kids.

Although happiness is defined differently by different people, everyone wants to be happy. Happiness is a state of achievement, success and emotional comfort. It is a state of mind that we are all programmed at birth to seek. In life, we need to operate this complex machine called “me”, so we need a manual.

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"F" Words

Now that my birthday is approaching, I wish to bless myself and all my readers with many “F” words.

Yes, I know many people feel offended by being blessed with the “F” word, but I think it is actually Fun.

As a parent, you probably think many times about kids’ manners. For some reason, there is too much attention (in my opinion) to kids using swear words. You see, saying the word “F” has become a rude word. It is not the word that is offensive (what can be offensive about the letter “F”?). It is the meaning people give it.

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TV Diet (15): Routine

During years of work in the education field, I have found that good routines are great for establishing good habits in kids. If your kids have bad TV habits and they watch for too long or too many unhealthy shows, a good routine can help them stay away from the TV and choose more beneficial activities.

Routines are a good way to give kids a stable atmosphere and make them feel certain in their life. The massive change in routine is one of the reasons kids’ world is so shaken and they tend to watch too much TV when their parents go through a relationship breakdown.

I think a good routine is a great parenting technique not only for overcoming the TV addiction but for many other habits you want to instill in your kids. An established routine encapsulates many of your rules and boundaries. If you are a regular reader in this site, you already know I believe that rules give kids a sense of certainty and define to them the safety limits in the world they live in. Therefore, a routine plays a big part in making your kids feel safe.

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Make a list: Beliefs about Traveling

Traveling does not trigger the same thoughts and ideas in everyone’s mind. For some, traveling means carrying a heavy load, while for others, it means feeling calm and relaxed. Some are stressed by the planning and organizing, while others imagine the views and the pictures they will capture. Some fear the unknown, while others look forward to great surprises.

This list-making post is for the travelers among us. It is for those who love traveling and the thought of going out of their comfort zone to a new destination excites them.

This post is also for those who have never traveled (much), but wish they did (more).

It may even be for those who have had no desire to travel until now…

I can write about traveling because I am a world traveler and love every second of it.

But I was not a traveler all my life.

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Boost Your Kids’ Performance with Scents

Today, I want to write one trick I have used for many years to enhance kids’ performance. In fact, I use this trick to enhance my audience’s benefits from my workshops when the group of participants is small enough.

Our memory depends on the involvement of our various senses. The more senses are involved in a new learning, the more our brain records of it the better we remember it. Unfortunately, most of our learning is directed at only 2 senses – vision and hearing – through reading/writing and listening/talking. Sometimes, learning also involves kinesthetic stimulation like movement (hands-on activities), which allows the brain to store more pieces of information and strengthen the learning.

However, two important senses are very much neglected – smell and taste. Just try to recall smelling your math book or tasting your English exam and you will see what I mean.

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Repeating a School Year

Last week, I received the email below from one of the readers of Family Matters about whether or not her son should repeat a year at school. I am choosing to post my reply here, because I have been asked this question many times.

Hi Ronit,

My son is 7, born 3rd of May and is in year 2. I can now see a huge maturity difference to his peers who are 1 year older in most cases. Academically he is sound but struggles to remain there, and keeping him focused is a constant battle.

My gut is telling me he needs to repeat, more so for confidence and to help him settle better with kids his own age. School is resisting this as academically he is not well below.

Do you think I should keep pushing this?

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TV Diet (14): Cutting Junk TV

I am sure many of you ask, “Well, now that we know why it is important to cut junk TV out of our kids’ life, the big question is how?”

I agree! This is the big question.

In this post of TV Diet, I will explore ways to do just that. Not all techniques have worked for me as well as others, but I think it is important to mention all of them, mainly because we are different people and have different personalities and therefore, what did not work for me may work well for you and vice versa.

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Make a list: Expectations

I always say life depends on what we focus on. Our expectations are a way of focusing on what we would like the future to hold for us, which means our life depends on them.

Expectations can motivate you or hurt you and only we can determine what they will do to us. Here is it how this works.

We all have expectations, because we rely on them to make life more predictable and therefore safer and less stressful. We learn from past experiences and predict how thing will turn out.

A person without expectations is like one with very short-term memory, because he or she cannot remember how things will turn out and must re-learn life’s lessons over and over again.

When I ask my daughter for her name, I expect her to tell me the name I gave her when she was born. Every day, I get up in the morning, I expect the sun to be there (sometimes it is hidden behind the clouds, but it is still there). I expect my sister to call me on my birthday and say “Happy birthday”.

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Feelings are Things

As a partner, a parent and a person, it is likely you find yourself in familiar situations, feeling the same familiar feeling and wondering how you got there. It may be as you walk in the door after a long day at work. It may be when some misunderstanding with your partner or your (teenage) child quickly escalates to an unpleasant exchange of verbal blows. It may just be when you look in the mirror.

All negative feelings are some form of fear and that fear is a defensive feeling aimed at protecting our self from being hurt. Some part of us recognizes certain words or behaviors as a form of attack raises the alert by creating this protective feeling.

The thing is, the “attack” pattern may have been saved in our mind when we were little and certainly in a particular context, both of which are longer in effect. However, our reaction is a subconscious one, which means there is no time for logic, but also that to get rid of this type of reaction we must “talk” directly with our subconscious (this is called Neurolinguistic Programming or NLP).

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Popularity Counts

Though many parents tell their teens that popularity is not the only thing that matters, not wanting them to compromise more important things in life to fit in and be subject to peer pressure, I think in a way they are deceiving themselves.

If popularity is not that important to us as parents,
where did our teens get this idea?

Grownups compromise a lot to gain popularity at home, at work and among their friends and family. Most extended family struggles runs around popularity. Siblings fight to be the most popular kids and the most popular grandchildren. When a couple divorces, there is an immediate struggle for being the most popular parent and most couples, unfortunately, compromise many of their values and much of the wellbeing of their precious kids just to gain imaginary popularity over their partners. Whether you like to admit it or not, you compromise a lot and are subject to social pressure yourself.

I think popularity counts, not because I think it should, but because it just does.

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