Make a list: Be More Productive

Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with. It responds like a snail to our impatience, then it races like a gazelle when you can’t catch your breath
– Adult Joe Wentworth from Simon Birch

I am sure everyone wants to be very productive, especially when they look at successful people and see how well they use their time, their resources, their talents and the people around them. Looking at these people, you might think they know something you do not.

They do! They know themselves better!

If you have been a regular reader of my Make a List series, you know why making these lists of 100 things means you get to know yourself better, so with today’s list you hit 3 birds with 1 stone: you get to know yourself better, you get to be more productive, because you know yourself better and you get to be more productive, because you find 100 ways to be more productive

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Get in Trouble

I do not know if this phrase is used a lot where you live, but in several places where we have lived, kids often say they are afraid to “get in trouble”. They typically use this expression in relation to their teacher, principal or some other adult who is responsible for them.

For example, we are on our way to school and Tsoof remembers he has forgotten part of his rehearsal uniform or some school play accessory. He stresses over it in the car and says, “[Word snipped]! Now I’m going to get in trouble”.

Embarrassing as this may be, I find this type of statement very annoying and frustrating. To me, doing (or not doing) something to avoid “getting in trouble” reflects negative external motivation. Not just negative, not just external, both!

And this is precisely the opposite of how I want my kids to be motivated, which means that some other adult in my kids’ life has managed to ruin my hard work (OK, Ronit helps too) and cause my little darlings to be motivated by some external threat. How dare they?!

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Lessons in Patience

Have you ever looked at the watch again and again, only to find that 30 seconds had passed? I think humans have a real challenge with the notion of time. Time is not very consistent with the feeling of waiting for something to happen. When we are happy, time seems to fly quickly and all our attempts to freeze the moment for a bit longer result in total failure. When we are down or waiting for something to happen, it is almost as if the clock ticks in . s l o w . m o t i o n.

Feels familiar?

I think I have found the cure for this inconsistency. It is called “patience”. It is kind of a strange cure, almost like vitamins. The less we have of it in our body, the more we need it. You will be very surprised to know that just last month, I had to take large doses of my own medicine, unwillingly of course, but it helped me heal a bit. Today, I would like to share with you some insights I have learned about this medicine, which I call The P Inhaler.

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TV Diet (11): The Right TV diet

A TV diet is just like any diet – hard! Many times, when I talk to people about diets, they are very frustrated from trying and trying and not succeeding. People want fast results with no effort. If you feel like you want that for your kids TV diet – you are normal! Normal, but not very effective.

I think it is better to understand a diet before starting it is mainly, because a lack of understanding will almost guarantee your failure. I would not want that for you, because I would like to empower you to take control over your life, rather than feel disempowered and hand control over to your kids, especially regarding TV. As you are about to see, it is good to understand any diet as a lifestyle change, whether you want to lose weight, have more energy or ensure that your kids grow up to be smart, social and positive human beings.

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Make a list: Ways to be kind

In 1991, Allan Luks (former executive director of The Institute for the Advancement of Health and executive director of the Big Brothers and Big Sisters program in New York City) documented a study about kindness in a book called “The healing power of doing good: The health and spiritual benefits of helping others”.

In a survey he conducted among 3,000 people of all ages from 20 organizations around the USA, he found clearly that “Helping contributes to the maintenance of good health and it can diminish the effect of diseases and disorders both serious and minor, psychological and physical”. So there you have it – if you want to be happy and healthy, help others!

In his research, Luks found that helping others and being kind resulted in a sharp reduction of stress and increased the release of endorphins (the body’s natural feel-good drugs). Over 90% of participants in his research reported that regular volunteering lowered their stress level and contributed to their health and wellbeing.

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Happiness and Sorrow Boxes

This is a story about what to do with the happiness and sorrow in our life. I hope you like it.

At birth, God gave Adam two simple-looking gray boxes.

God said, “In one box, you will put all the wonderful moments of your life – the pleasures, the joys, the laughter and everything that makes you happy”.

“What about the second box?”

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Twin Decisions

A few days ago, our friend Helen called. A kid had dies as a result of violence at her son Oliver’s school and he did not want to go there anymore. Instead, he wanted to go to his twin brother’s school, except his twin brother objected.

“What should I do?” she asked me, “If I move Oliver to Ashleigh’s school, Ashleigh will stop feeling special and will have to share his circle of friends with Oliver, although he chose a different school so they could be apart. If I tell Oliver he must find another school, I’m limiting his choices and I’m not being a good mother to both of them equally”.

At first, I could relate to the problem. Sometimes, parents face situations in which doing the best thing for one child means not doing the best for another. For most parents, this creates the immediate pressure of “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t”.

Now, this was a friend and not a client, but sometimes, doing “the coaching thing” is the best way forward, because it keeps the problem where it belongs and brings the solution from the same place – the mind of the person with the problem. So I started asking Helen some questions.

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Make a list: Events that Have Shaped Your Life

Events in our life shape our thinking, beliefs and overall attitude. When I ask people, “Please share the things that have shaped your life”, they come up with big things, mainly traumatic events that were hard to ignore.

I can relate to this too, because when I worked on my own list, the first things that came up were the big things – moving house, changing city, changing country, the birth of my kids, loss and painful failures. I did have some positive, wonderful, exciting events too, like the birth of my kids and winning prizes and awards, but there were not as many of them as there were hits.

Focusing on the big things is natural. However, I believe that the small things, the ones we neglect to pay attention to, may contribute a lot to how we conduct ourselves in a way that we hardly recognize.

I’m saying this is because very often, when my clients bring up their past and examine it, they talk about small incidents that were big for them at the time, even out of proportion.

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You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

Every relationship, with your partner, your parents or your kids, requires effort. No matter how compatible you are with the other person, each of you has a different background and continues to go through a different life. Each of you may be completely blind to the other’s experiences and feelings.

So typically, relationships involve a lot of guesswork. When we know the other person well, guesswork does an OK job in most cases, particularly when everyone is in a good mood and has enough energy to share.

Things get a bit messier when one person feels down and needs support and real storms can erupt when both people have gone through something unpleasant and both need an emotional hand.

In longer relationships, like a marriage over 10 years, a teenager or with your own parents, I would not be surprised if you have had a few storms already. Moreover, the same storm may have happened again and again, reaching full blast more quickly and increasing in intensity every time.

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Make a list: Beliefs about Kids cont.

Last week, I wrote about writing your beliefs about kids. As I said, beliefs are a reflection of our parenting style. What we believe about kids becomes our reality. I realized this during my Special Education studies and I started making sure I always had the right beliefs, the most empowering beliefs that will make me the best mother in the world. And they have!

I examined all my beliefs and found out I had many I had received from my parents, my older sister, my teachers and other adults in my life that were very limiting, such as “Kids are cruel”, “Kids have no respect”, “Kids must be disciplined” and I will stop writing this list, because I would like to focus on beliefs that are better for parents to have.

So here I am opening my heart and telling you 100 of my beliefs about kids. I only write the beliefs that are empowering to me and that have made my parenting happier, healthier and more successful. I hope you will find inspiration in them and learn about the philosophy and vision I have for my parenting and for the Family Matters blog.

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