Parenting the Socrates Way: Types of Questions

Over the last two weeks, I presented the technique of parenting the Socrates way through questions. The first chapter introduced the benefit of asking questions. The second chapter discussed the right and wrong questions to ask. This week, we will explore the types of questions that you can use to stimulate thinking, creativity, focus, proportion, clarity, motivation and growth in your children.

“An honest man is always a child”
– Socrates

Open questions – Questions that make kids think.
For example, “What do you think?”

Closed question – Questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no”.
For example, “Would you like to come with me to the shops?”

Why questions – Questions that go deep in order to find reasons (and can encourage the kids to give excuses or to blame someone, so be careful about them).
For example, “Why are your hands dirty?”

Rhetorical questions…

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Ms Self Esteem has an Identity Crisis

The term “self-esteem” comes from a Greek word meaning, “reverence for self”. “Reverence” means “respect, admiration, worship, awe, astonishment and amazement”.

The “self” part of self-esteem, as I have described in the early chapters of this mini-course, includes the values, beliefs and attitudes that we hold about ourselves.

The “esteem” part of self-esteem, means having “high regard” or a “good opinion” of our values, beliefs and attitudes.

Whether you choose the two simple words “Self Esteem” or the 3 Greek words “reverence for self”, it seems that self-esteem, for most, is having an identity crisis and is in urgent need of therapy.

Since launching this course, I have had many questions about the definition of self-esteem. It is amazing to discover how diverse and deep the meanings can be (well, any discovery is amazing). So I have decided to take Ms Self Esteem (some will say it is a Mr) to the experts to discuss this crisis.

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Ronit Baras’ Success Experience Theory

Kids having a success experience at the computer

The more success experiences kids have when they’re young the higher their self esteem. Your role as a parent is to provide your children with opportunities to succeed.

Many parents ask me about their kids’ self-esteem. It’s hard for parents to accept that the kids they love so much and worked so hard to raise the best way they could, may still have low self-esteem and that it affects their happiness and success in life.

Parents who are on a quest to have happy kids, need to take into consideration that much of the self-esteem is developed during childhood. This takes us back to the early years, which I believe are the most important in our development.

This does not mean that self-esteem cannot be changed at any other time in life by choice. It just means that your child, just like you are doing now, will have to make extra effort to change it later.

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The Unpleasant Side of Divorce

Getting married is entering into a contract – but it is probably the one contract that is the easiest to break. This is because divorce has made it easy for husbands and wives to walk out when they go through unhappy periods in their lives.

John Crouch, Executive Director of Americans for Divorce Reform, says that the most important economic contract of our lives – marriage – is no longer legally protected.

Just think – lawyers will fight tooth and nail to protect corporations in their contractual relations between you and your landlord, your mechanic and your doctor, but they cannot prevent you from breaking up with your spouse.

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Like a Virgin: Kids’ Focus and Determination

In the past few months, I have been observing our little daughter Noff (“Dad, I’m not little, I’m nearly 7”) attempting handstands and cartwheels. When Noff develops a skill, it is a fascinating lesson in focus and determination.

About a year ago, she went through the same process until she mastered hula hoops and became the center of attention at various outings. Sometime after that, she discovered our digital camera and gradually learned how to take excellent photos and produce interesting video clips, some of which show mainly her…

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Marriage is the Foundation of Families

Individuals make couples, couples make families and families make communities. It is people’s natural instinct to get together. According to Dr. Mary Pipher, a therapist and anthropologist, the family is still an essential unit of the community. When people get married, their hopes are linked to building a home and a family.

I remember the day my daughter was born. Gal and I moved from being a couple taking care of ourselves, concentrating on our needs and aspirations, into being a family. It was a big feeling of responsibility mixed with joy. It was the beginning of a different journey.

While marriage is a later invention in human development, family is an ancient institution. Now, many people have kids but having kids and having a family are totally different things. Bringing kids into the world is a much simpler task than creating a family.

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The Marriage Institution

Happily married couples say that marriage has taught them to accept each other’s strengths and possibilities. They argue that by doing that, they transform themselves from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

Therefore, marriage is an “enabling” situation, providing the freedom for each person to be who they really are, to reach for the stars and discover what they are meant to be without ridicule or rejection.

After all, it is a question of attitude. When you are happy, you are able to grow and evolve. With the right attitude, every honeymoon excitement can last longer.

Many of us have read reports, which drive home the message that married people are healthier and happier, and therefore live longer than single or celibate individuals do.

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Mother’s Day for Mother-in-Law

My mother always said, “When you marry a person, you also marry their family”, and she was right. Lots of people have tense relationships with their in-laws, and many stories have been told about the mother-in-law.

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Marriage and Divorce Statistics

In part 1 of Save Your Marriage, I gave you 3 simple steps to stop your divorce and save your marriage. This week, I thought some marriage and divorce statistics would give you insight into what happens in the reality of relationships.

Eye-opening marriage and divorce statistics:

As a daughter to parents who are still married and a long-time partner to my beloved boyfriend, I was very surprised to read some of the statistics about marriage and divorce. Yes, I have many clients thinking of divorce, but when they come for coaching, they are in “solution mode”, which makes it easier for them to find their love again.

I believe the marriage situation has reached a level of social disaster.

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How to Get Rid of Doubts

Today, in part 7 of the self-esteem mini-course, I would like to talk about doubts, the killers of self-esteem, and the role parents can play in filling up doubt-holes with confidence.

My hope is that if you want your kids to have high self-esteem, you will shift your focus from your kids to yourself. Because your attitude as a parent is the key to raising happy, confident kids with high self-esteem.

Parents who drink are more likely to raise kids who grow up to be drinkers. Parents who gamble are more likely to raise kids who grow up to gamble themselves. Therefore, parents with doubts and low self-esteem are more likely to raise kids with low self-esteem.

I believe this cycle needs to end.

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