Assertiveness and Self Esteem

This entry is part 8 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

Today, let’s talk about assertiveness and self-esteem. You will see how being assertive cures the “disease to please” and get useful, practical tips for increasing your own assertiveness and that of your kids.

I am sure this has happened to you before. Something happened, you felt uncomfortable, but said nothing. Some time later, you thought, “I should have said this” or “I should have told them what I thought”.

The expression “should have” indicates disappointment. Using it does not support self-esteem and makes you feel weak but we all have it some way or another. “Should have” is telling yourself you regret not having handled a situation differently or allowing someone to bully you.

If you use this expression often, you probably need to take an assertiveness pill. I am sure you have heard about assertiveness, but what is it really?

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5 Common Parenting Mistakes

When I decided to write the post, after many requests, I was not sure if I should call it “5 Common Parenting Mistakes”. You see, calling something a mistake is a form of judgment, like saying there is a right way to do something.

But I do not believe there is a right way. I think there are many ways and they need to suit the person who implements them.

When I studied my Special Education degree, I learned hundreds, if not thousands, of education and psychology theories. It may sound surprising to you, but some of them were in contradiction with others.

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Let’s Divorce After I Get My Period

My client Meg came today very emotional and sad. She had been successfully working on her relationship with her husband for over 3 months but doubts had crept in after a serious argument.

Meg has been with her husband for over 10 years. When he started talking about having kids, she started talking about divorcing.

“I do not know if we love each other anymore. We don’t have fun together, the sex is not what it used to be”, she thought and came to me for coaching to make the decision about staying or leaving.

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What Are You Saying to Your Teens?

A couple of clients came to me for parent coaching because of a problem they had with their teen boy, and were very surprised when we went through Pink Elephants. They said, “We tell him every day NOT to hang around bad kids, but saying it only puts the focus on those kids we want him to stay away from”.

The day after our session, the mother sent me this email:

“Dear Ronit, You won’t believe what happened after we left our session last night. I was home for 3 minutes and so many Pink Elephants came out of my mouth… It’s so hard!”

It is hard. I agree.

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How to Stimulate Auditory Kids

This entry is part 4 of 4 in the series How to Stimulate Kids

Auditory kids pay the most attention to sounds. To them, voices, tones, pitches and rhythms provide a wealth of information and carry emotions that other kids simply ignore. They have superior abilities to “record” and “play back” TV shows, skits, songs and conversations. On the other hand, they are sequential thinkers and must be able to focus on one thing at a time.

Auditory kids can often be distinguished by the way they look down and talk to themselves. Their self-talk is often louder than what goes on in the outside world. On the other hand, they are distracted by sounds and disturbed by unpleasant or loud noises.

Here are some ideas that will help auditory kids learn better, be happier and love learning.

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How to Beat those Pink Elephants

There are two parts to making a change from using a negative language to a positive one. The first is to understand how we were programmed to use negative language in our life. We talk about what we are not happy about and we express disappointment and frustration instead of saying what we feel, need and want.

The second part of making the change is to do something different and practice doing it until it becomes the new habit.

To help you make the change, here are some rules you need to remember.

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How to Stimulate Digital Kids

This entry is part 3 of 4 in the series How to Stimulate Kids

Digital kids have an outstanding ability to notice patterns, structures, rules and processes. They like to think, take things apart and put them together, possible in a better way. Knowledge is the source of their power and they continually look for opportunities to get more information and sharpen their mind. These kids learn best and expresses themselves best using systems, languages (including math, music and computer languages) and logic.

Digital kids think of things as being “interesting” or “boring”.

Here are some ideas that help digital kids learn better…

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How to Stimulate Kinaesthetic Kids

This entry is part 2 of 4 in the series How to Stimulate Kids

Kinaesthetic kids needs to move in order to think. They are also very sensitive to others and have lots of “gut” feelings. Kinaesthetic children learn by doing.

Too often, these kids are treated as trouble makers, being blamed for not being able to sit still. However, but forcing them to sit and be quiet, we effectively shut down their brain and ensure that they learn nothing. More than that, we teach them that learning is not fun.

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How to Stimulate Visual Kids

This entry is part 1 of 4 in the series How to Stimulate Kids

Visual kids have a combination video-and-still camera in their heads. They like to see things. Pictures, colours and visual representations of things are their main information carriers. These kids learn best and expresses themselves best using pictures, graphs and colours. To them, one picture really IS worth a thousand words.

Visual kids use colours, graphs and pictures to learn the sounds around them.

Here are some ideas that help visual kids learn better…

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Diagnosing Learning Difficulties and Gifted Children in the Early Years

Drawing of cogs inside a head and symbols flying around

It was psychologist Howard Gardner’s book, Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences, which first questioned the common psychological orthodoxy about intelligence, the intelligence quotient (IQ), and presented the revolutionary concept of Multiple Intelligences. At a time when a set of tests positioned children in a single spot on the bell curve and educators’ capacity to affect this position was seen as limited, the dawn of multiple intelligences shone a light at the end of a tunnel.

With this great recognition of our ability to enhance intelligence, the two extreme parts of the bell curve – the children with the learning difficulties and the gifted children – became the center of attention. Those two seemingly unrelated ranges of ability require the same type of attention and multiple intelligences brought hope for improvement for both.

A natural progression of that was the area of early diagnosis and early intervention. Should we diagnose learning difficulties during early childhood or will this put a label on them that is too hard to remove? Should we diagnose gifted children or will this doom them to isolation and social challenges? And once a special need is identified, should we intervene or just let nature take its course and allow the kids to “grow out of it”?

Each of the questions presents the choice between a reactive and a proactive approach. For government organizations, these questions are translated to the cost difference between the two, which then determines the approach. For teachers, however, critical time plays an important role in the choice.

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