10 Rules for Civilized Dialogue

This entry is part 21 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

Your ability to talk with your partner determines the level of the connection you have with each other. To save your marriage, you should be able to have a civilized dialogue.

When Gal and I were a young couple, we said we knew we would grow old together because we could talk for hours. We could talk about anything or nothing for hours and we loved every minute of it.

If you have been with the same partner for many years, you might think you know everything about them, but you probably don’t.

Why? Because people change. We change our thoughts and behaviors, and as hard as it is to believe, we even change the way we perceive our past.

Here are some rules that can strengthen and deepen your relationship and save your marriage…

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Ask Ronit: My Son is Very Clingy

Clingy kids can be very exhausting. We love them very much but we want to be able to do things without them from time to time. I have met many parents who are fighting this clinginess and they express a lot of frustration. I think the exhausting thing not necessary the clinginess itself. It is more from the fight, the feeling of failure and the expectation that it should be different.

This week, I received a question on my blog from a mother of a 9 year old boy. Mel wanted to know what I would suggest for dealing with a clingy child.

Here is what I wrote Mel. I hope you will find it encouraging. Most importantly, it is not as bad as it looks.

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I’m OK, You’re OK Parenting: Being a “You’re OK” Parent

This entry is part 6 of 7 in the series I'm OK - You're OK Parenting

In order to convince children that they are OK and good, a parent first needs to know that they are OK and good. Psychologist Thomas A. Harris. suggested four levels of emotional intelligence, that provide a framework for positive parenting. To read about the four levels, see “I’m OK, You’re OK Parenting: OK and EQ”. In an ideal world, parents would always be in an “I’m OK, You’re OK” state of mind. For this, for the parents must agree with the “I’m OK” part – they must first believe that they are OK. Once this is established, it is time to work on the “You’re OK” mindset.

Little boy and girl huggingLike a self-fulfilling prophecy, parents who see the good in themselves and their kids tend to raise kids who see the good in themselves as well. This is a great cycle. By taking care of ourselves, we ensure our children and their children know they are good and “OK”. This mindset can impact for many years even after we are gone.

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Raising Kids and Bamboo Trees

Parents are often frustrated with their kids and/or with their own parenting. I coach many such parents and they express a lot of frustration. You cannot blame anyone else for the way your kids turn out and raising children is not easy, so it is not surprising that parents become frustrated. I have the most wonderful kids but they did not grow up exactly the way I expected them to. No matter how much you learn or how much you know, they will come out different to what you imagine.

This is because we are different people when we give birth to them than when we imagined them. They are born to time that is different to what we grew up with.

Patience is one of the necessary skills in the parenting job description. Sadly, no one can tell jut exactly how much patience they need until they are put to the test. They then have to find it within them.

Raising kids is similar to raising bamboo trees. Here is a story I heard called the Bamboo Tale.

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