“The Ten Commandments of Being the Parent of a Teen” – Revised Edition

If you are a parent of a teenager, every bit of advice is welcomed. This is what I thought before I read what Busy Mom wrote in The Ten Commandments of Being the Parent of a Teen. And I ask you, “With parents thinking like that, who needs enemies?”

Do you really, really believe that the day her kid reached his thirteenth birthday, something in his head started going wrong and turned on the “reputation” light? Or maybe her kid really gave her a crash course in parenting teens.

I think that our kids are like little mirrors of us, reflecting back everything we do and say. Parenting teens is no different than parenting younger kids. The only difference is that teens are much larger mirrors.

So I have revised the Ten Commandments of Being the Parent of a Teen.

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Teens Don’t Stand a Chance Against the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Young woman at her laptop surrounded by social media icons

This week, I received a post that Jennifer Satterwhite wrote called Parenting a teen and other things that make you stupid. “Catchy heading”, I said to myself, “It is about teens and it is close to my heart, so I went (well, I clicked a few clicks) to read it. It was very sad to read how terrible teens seem in some parents’ eyes. Parents interpreting everything their teens do as negative and disrespectful do not leave much room for the teen to grow and evolve.

The most famous research was done many years ago when two great teachers were given 2 classes to teach. Back then, they used to put all the “good” kids in one class and all the “not so good” kids in another class. They told the teachers with the “good” class, “Unfortunately, this is the worst class in the whole school”, and to the other teacher with the very troubled class they said, “Lucky you, you have the best class in the school”. And what do you know, at the end of year they realised that the grades in the “good” class dropped and the grade in the “not so good class” went up high. You probably ask yourself, “How could that happen?”

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When Do Kids Learn Left and Right and How to Teach It Best

Little girl in her mother's lap in front of a laptop

Telling left from right is very useful in life. Without it, we lose our sense of direction. Every parent tries to teach their young children to tell which is their right hand, and which is their left, so they can do basic things.

Many parents ask me why their children confuse right and left and how to teach them easily.

The reason children confuse between right and left can be organic (learning difficulties), emotional (stress and low emotional intelligence) or bad teaching.

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Windows of the Heart

For most of us, the word “judgment” has bad connotations. It is almost equivalent to criticism. We associate it with laws, trials and with sentences – with power. There are judgmental people; there is a judge in court and even a “judgment day”.

In the personal growth process, we aim to solve the puzzle of our right to judge. Are we allowed to judge? Is it good for us? How to live with the label of being “judgmental”?

When judgment is the weighing of evidence and feelings in order to make a choice, the real question is “Can we be non-judgmental”?

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Intellectual Motivation and the Power of “Why?”

As part of my personal growth journey, I have been studying other personal development gurus like Steve Pavlina. I like him because he likes to write and I love to read what he writes. He is a great inspiration to me. In his article about motivation, he talks (well, he doesn’t talk. He writes, but […]

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Who’s Afraid of Teens Using Drugs?

Research with parent and children indicates that one of the most effective methods to prevent young people from using drugs is a devoted parent who spends time with their teens, talks with them (not to them) about their friends, their school, their sports and what interests them. The research also reports that teens appreciate parents’ advice and care a lot about what their parents think of them, their actions and their friends and consider this parental feedback a sign of caring.

But how do we get to be our teens’ friends?

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Anorexia: Dying to Be Thin!

I recently spent some time coaching a woman suffering from Anorexia Nervosa. She weighed 32kg and would not eat to save her life!

A study in high schools in Canada found that 50% of girls were on a diet because they thought they were overweight. If your daughter is young and you think, “I’ll deal with it when she is a teen”, think again. Records show that eating disorders are increasingly seen in children as young as 10. A research in Canada in 2002 found 37% of Canadian females aged 11, 42% aged 13 and 48% aged 15 say they need to lose weight. By the way, 52% of them started dieting before the age of 14.

What can we do about it? I think we can do a lot.

This post is part 1 of 8 in the series Anorexia

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Incentives to Change the Divorce Rate

A week ago, I called my mom and dad to wish them a happy 48th anniversary day, but I think the wishes were for me, more than for them. I thanked them for being together, for not getting a divorce, for loving each other, for going through tough things together and for surviving. I wished them 30 more years together. Living to be 100 years old together is a great wish.

My mom and dad are simple people, yet they are special and unique, because they belong to a group of only 5% of people who are living together after so many years.

Look at this list of marriage statistics:

* 82% reach their 5th anniversary
* 65% reach their 10th anniversary
* 52% reach their 15th anniversary
* 33% reach their 25th anniversary
* 20% reach their 35th anniversary, and
* only 5% reach their 50th anniversary

I only need to have a session with my clients every day, to realise how special my parents are and how much I need to thank them for being there together for such a long time, because it made life so much easier for me and I am grateful.

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Laughter Therapy – Do It Yourself!

There is a whole new science now dealing with the importance of laughter to our wellbeing. Terminally ill people watch funny movies to heal themselves. There are courses where you can learn to laugh. Think about it – learn to laugh. This natural thing that we do from birth is something we need to re-learn as adults. Do you think that when we were born everything around was funny and when we grew older nothing was funny anymore or is it that we just can’t recognise the fun in life?

Children laugh a lot. One of the greatest joys is to hear a baby laugh. More people find that irresistable. Children do not need a “real” reason to laugh. They laugh at things that seems silly. What do you think? Is it better to laugh over millions of silly things or only to laugh at rare “seriously funny” things? Who has more fun in life? Kids or grown-ups?

There are two ways to get back to this truth. One way is to invest in personal development. Grow, evolve and attract more fun into your life, which will give you more reasons to laugh.

The other way is to laugh more and thus attract more fun into your life.

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Who Wants to Be a Millionaire – The Story of Chris

Chris called and came to see me the next day. He parked his blue Mercedes Benz in the entrance and came in. He was at his early fifties, beautiful blue eyes, holding his diary tightly.

“I wanted a Mercedes Benz so much”, he said, “But now I feel uncomfortable driving it. I can get up in the morning whenever I want, I can have everything I want, I have money, I have Lisa, I am successful in my business but I am depressed and sad.”

Do you ever think to yourself, “If only I had a million dollars, I could have everything I want”? Think again! What would you do with that much money?

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