All parents want to give their kids all that they wish. Happy thoughts and a positive mindset are the tools to get them everything they want in life. Here is a list of thoughts you want your kids to have.
Before introducing them to your kids, try to find out what they think now, and slowly shift their thoughts towards better ones. Remember, what they think will determine how successful they will be financially, academically and socially. It will determine their appreciation and wellbeing.
In part 1 of Save Your Marriage, I gave you 3 simple steps to stop your divorce and save your marriage. This week, I thought some marriage and divorce statistics would give you insight into what happens in the reality of relationships.
Eye-opening marriage and divorce statistics:
As a daughter to parents who are still married and a long-time partner to my beloved boyfriend, I was very surprised to read some of the statistics about marriage and divorce. Yes, I have many clients thinking of divorce, but when they come for coaching, they are in “solution mode”, which makes it easier for them to find their love again.
I believe the marriage situation has reached a level of social disaster.
Today, in part 7 of the self-esteem mini-course, I would like to talk about doubts, the killers of self-esteem, and the role parents can play in filling up doubt-holes with confidence.
My hope is that if you want your kids to have high self-esteem, you will shift your focus from your kids to yourself. Because your attitude as a parent is the key to raising happy, confident kids with high self-esteem.
Parents who drink are more likely to raise kids who grow up to be drinkers. Parents who gamble are more likely to raise kids who grow up to gamble themselves. Therefore, parents with doubts and low self-esteem are more likely to raise kids with low self-esteem.
I believe this cycle needs to end.
Read How to Get Rid of Doubts »
I have learned that life is short. You never know when will be the last day of your life. If there is anything you know you will regret not doing or saying, do it or say it now!
I have learned that children are the most precious thing for every mother and father. Dedicate time to your kids. Raising kids does not mean feeding them, sending them to school and doing their laundry. Raising kids is more about loving them and being with them. Spend time with your kids even if they already have kids of their own.
I have learned that writing a journal is a way to keep the memory of who we are. When I keep a journal, I can read it and get to know myself years after I am not that person anymore.
One major difference I see between happy parents and unhappy parents is in the gap between their expectations and the fulfilment of their expectations. Basically, if your expectations are high and are not fulfilled, you will be disappointed and unhappy. However, if most of your expectations are fulfilled, you will be a satisfied and happy parent.
Expectations are one important factor of happiness. Byron Katie does some wonderful work (she even calls it “The Work”) on how our expectations can make us miserable if they do not match reality (read Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life).
Children living in a family with expectations that are too high to be fulfilled feel inadequate and develop a failure identity. For example, a family of musicians with high expectation from their kids regarding their musical aspirations and abilities would be devastating for a kid whose passion is playing soccer.
Read Expect to Be a Happy Parent »
My mother-in-law once said to me that most people do not have a parenting philosophy. First they act and than they find reasons to support their actions. I was a young mother when she told me this and an educator and the philosophy of education was something I did every day and every hour and it was hard for me to understand what she meant.
In my parent coaching program, I can see every session what she meant. When I ask parents why they do things, most of them do not have answers. They either do not think about it or thought about it and picked the easy way – easy but painful in the long run.
There is a big correlation between having a parenting philosophy and having a happy family life and successful kids.
It was Friday evening and our 19-year-old daughter Eden talked again about going to dance Salsa in the city. She had been talking about it for over two months and had never gone. None of her friends had wanted to join and she had not wanted to go by herself. Gal and I decided to go with her (aren’t we the greatest parents?).
It was a feel-good party. There was a band on stage and many dancers on the floor, dancing beautifully. We could watch them for hours. Many people sat on the floor around the dancers and watched with us. Eden was invited to dance with others and we were very happy to see her dancing and shining.
We looked at each other and said, “It was worth coming”, but was it?
A couple of clients came to me for parent coaching because of a problem they had with their teen boy, and were very surprised when we went through Pink Elephants. They said, “We tell him every day NOT to hang around bad kids, but saying it only puts the focus on those kids we want him to stay away from”.
The day after our session, the mother sent me this email:
“Dear Ronit, You won’t believe what happened after we left our session last night. I was home for 3 minutes and so many Pink Elephants came out of my mouth… It’s so hard!”
It is hard. I agree.
How do you trap a big monkey in a small cage the size of a banana? Easy! You place a banana inside the cage and leave an opening large enough for the monkey’s hand, but not for the banana.
As soon as the monkey grabs the banana, it is trapped! The monkey can set itself free if it lets go of the banana, but it won’t. By not giving up what it has in its hand, it locks itself just outside the tiny cage.
People are the same – we hold many “bananas” that keep us trapped in little “cages” – because we just won’t let go.
Choosing a day care center for our kids requires self-testing. No doubt, the right choice can determine our kids’ happiness and can, in time, save us a great deal of energy and heartache when we move them from one place to another.
When you choose any day care center (I have to say I would not use the term “day care” because any place, which takes care of kids, needs to provide a lot more than just care. It needs to be a loving, nurturing, happy place), it is very important to make sure the center’s philosophy matches the parents’ philosophy.
A conflict between the two will always be reflected in the kids’ behaviour. Many behaviour problems of kids in the early years and even during school years are a reflection of the conflict between their parents and the system.
Book your private life coaching with Ronit Baras and learn how to be happy in life
