How to Discipline Your Kids

I get asked many times about disciplining kids. I hate the word “discipline”, because I believe kids do not need to be disciplined, they need to be loved and cared for, supported and encouraged. Discipline has nothing to do with being happy – not with being a happy kid and definitely not with being a happy parent. In fact, parents with discipline questions are unhappy and know their kids are unhappy too.

I guess most of the parents who ask me about discipline really mean they want to know how to help their kids behave in a way that will make life easier for them. After all, kids learn their behavior from the people around them. The challenge that people have with discipline is that instead of it being a method of guiding kids towards the desired behavior, it is used as a way to control them. But kids are very smart and when you use controlling methods to manipulate them, they quickly start using the same techniques to manipulate you, which is very annoying.

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Rescuers

At the beginning of their life, all kids are helpless. Therefore, all parents quickly develop the habit of doing things for them – feeding them, cleaning them, dressing them and keeping them warm. Unintentionally, this also fulfils the parents’ need for certainty and control – the baby will be OK as long as the parents do things properly and the baby does nothing to mess things up.

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Things Kids Never Argue With

I once said (OK, I have said it hundreds of time) that kids believe everything you tell them. The younger they are, the truer this statement is. Parents do not know they are lucky that their young kids do not question them as much as they should. In fact, because kids do not doubt what their parents say, I would like to encourage all the parents reading this post to take advantage of this phenomenon and plant good thoughts and beliefs in your kids’ little minds. So if you are a parent and you want to learn how to plant good thoughts in your children’s mind, buckle up and enjoy the ride.

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Sarcasm – The Weapon of Helplessness

Ronit and I have a very good friend, who has been in a difficult personal situation in the past couple of years. He feels very frustrated by his circumstances and sees himself powerless to break out of them and live a happy life again.

Often, when he talks to other people, he uses sarcasm.

For example, one day he was contacted by a large company, which I was not familiar with. He got excited about it, but wanted to seem like he was keeping his cool, so as not to get disappointed if he did not get an order from them later on. So he said to me, “Gal, I just got off the phone with company XYZ”.

“What is this company?”, I asked.

“Oh, it’s just a small company nobody knows”, he said in a seemingly casual tone.

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The Business Called "Life"

It is amazing how many people struggle with life. Life has become so hectic and difficult for most people that many can only focus on what is going to happen today, tomorrow, next month and maybe, only maybe, next year.

I think if we were to scan people’s brains, we would find that their brains are busy, busy, busy, thinking about things like the dishes, the bills, the alarm clock and shopping, with only small breaks for planning for something like next month’s birthday party. People like this are in survival mode.

When I ask people about their plans for next month or next year, or even what they think is going to happen in ten years, they look at me as if I have fallen from the sky. They say things like, “Ronit, you are nuts. There are so many things we need to sort out now that we do not have time to think about next year,” and so life passes by and is taken over by things like, the council rates, lunch boxes and stress.

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My kids don’t eat the food I make. What should I do?

Kids’ eating habits are very important for parents and it is very frustrating to prepare food and find out your kids do not like it.

If you look at this issue from an emotional point of view, it has to do with control. Your kids are exercising control over what and when they eat, while you try to keep that control. Once you look at it this way, though, the solution is simple.

Here are some great things that will get your kids to eat well.

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7 Easy Secrets of Behaviour Management

Behaviour management seems to be a big part of parenting. Parents struggle with their kids’ behaviour over their entire parenting “career”.

Many times, I have been asked if I had a “magic formula” to solve behavioural problems and I always say that behaviour management is not fixing behavioural problems but preventing them from happening.

The difference between fixing a problem and preventing it is the difference between a proactive mindset and a reactive one. When I need to fix a problem, I become “The Fire Brigade” and start putting out fires and that is no fun, because I am then controlled by the circumstances or the people around me (the kids).

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Happiness!

During the holiday season, when people sum up the last year and get ready for the new year, we wish them a special wish of happiness. A simple, but the ultimate wish.

During the holidays, when the shops are full of people buying presents to each other, with much love and care, it is the best time to ask why.

Why do we buy things for each other? Why do we pay an expensive flight ticket to celebrate with the family? Why do we diet before a get together?
Deep inside, we all know that the reason we buy things, get together with family, diet or clean the carpet is our desire for good, happy feelings.

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