Make a list: Expectations

I always say life depends on what we focus on. Our expectations are a way of focusing on what we would like the future to hold for us, which means our life depends on them.

Expectations can motivate you or hurt you and only we can determine what they will do to us. Here is it how this works.

We all have expectations, because we rely on them to make life more predictable and therefore safer and less stressful. We learn from past experiences and predict how thing will turn out.

A person without expectations is like one with very short-term memory, because he or she cannot remember how things will turn out and must re-learn life’s lessons over and over again.

When I ask my daughter for her name, I expect her to tell me the name I gave her when she was born. Every day, I get up in the morning, I expect the sun to be there (sometimes it is hidden behind the clouds, but it is still there). I expect my sister to call me on my birthday and say “Happy birthday”.

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Feelings are Things

As a partner, a parent and a person, it is likely you find yourself in familiar situations, feeling the same familiar feeling and wondering how you got there. It may be as you walk in the door after a long day at work. It may be when some misunderstanding with your partner or your (teenage) child quickly escalates to an unpleasant exchange of verbal blows. It may just be when you look in the mirror.

All negative feelings are some form of fear and that fear is a defensive feeling aimed at protecting our self from being hurt. Some part of us recognizes certain words or behaviors as a form of attack raises the alert by creating this protective feeling.

The thing is, the “attack” pattern may have been saved in our mind when we were little and certainly in a particular context, both of which are longer in effect. However, our reaction is a subconscious one, which means there is no time for logic, but also that to get rid of this type of reaction we must “talk” directly with our subconscious (this is called Neurolinguistic Programming or NLP).

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TV Diet (12): Junk TV

Last week, I wrote about the comparison between a food diet and a TV diet. One thing I find particularly important is Junk TV and this is also what I emphasize most to my own kids. Basically, if most of your food is healthy, eating junk from time to time will not kill you. Similarly, if most of your kids’ TV time is educational and positive, you can allow them to watch some junk TV occasionally.

If you want to make sure your kids do not consume junk TV, you need to define what junk is. Unfortunately, just like you can find some research saying coffee is unhealthy and other studies claiming it can cure Alzheimer’s, you will also find people saying that watching TV is learning about real life and others saying it is anything but real life.

As with any matter of choice, you have to find your own definition. To discover if a show on TV is junk or not, you need to go through two steps:

If you think a show is junk – easy! No need to debate this, but very important to remember why you categorize it as junk, so you can use the explanation to help your kids understand your approach.

If you do not think a show is junk, watch your kids’ reaction to it. Some shows are neither good nor bad, but the kids’ reaction to them may be the reason you should consider them unhealthy. For example, say your kids watch Superman and think they can fly from the window, this show is a bad influence on them, regardless of how many good messages there are in it. Observe your kids’ mood and behavior after watching various shows and listen to how they replay and recite parts of those shows later on.

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Make a list: Be More Productive

Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with. It responds like a snail to our impatience, then it races like a gazelle when you can’t catch your breath
– Adult Joe Wentworth from Simon Birch

I am sure everyone wants to be very productive, especially when they look at successful people and see how well they use their time, their resources, their talents and the people around them. Looking at these people, you might think they know something you do not.

They do! They know themselves better!

If you have been a regular reader of my Make a List series, you know why making these lists of 100 things means you get to know yourself better, so with today’s list you hit 3 birds with 1 stone: you get to know yourself better, you get to be more productive, because you know yourself better and you get to be more productive, because you find 100 ways to be more productive

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Get in Trouble

I do not know if this phrase is used a lot where you live, but in several places where we have lived, kids often say they are afraid to “get in trouble”. They typically use this expression in relation to their teacher, principal or some other adult who is responsible for them.

For example, we are on our way to school and Tsoof remembers he has forgotten part of his rehearsal uniform or some school play accessory. He stresses over it in the car and says, “[Word snipped]! Now I’m going to get in trouble”.

Embarrassing as this may be, I find this type of statement very annoying and frustrating. To me, doing (or not doing) something to avoid “getting in trouble” reflects negative external motivation. Not just negative, not just external, both!

And this is precisely the opposite of how I want my kids to be motivated, which means that some other adult in my kids’ life has managed to ruin my hard work (OK, Ronit helps too) and cause my little darlings to be motivated by some external threat. How dare they?!

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Lessons in Patience

Have you ever looked at the watch again and again, only to find that 30 seconds had passed? I think humans have a real challenge with the notion of time. Time is not very consistent with the feeling of waiting for something to happen. When we are happy, time seems to fly quickly and all our attempts to freeze the moment for a bit longer result in total failure. When we are down or waiting for something to happen, it is almost as if the clock ticks in . s l o w . m o t i o n.

Feels familiar?

I think I have found the cure for this inconsistency. It is called “patience”. It is kind of a strange cure, almost like vitamins. The less we have of it in our body, the more we need it. You will be very surprised to know that just last month, I had to take large doses of my own medicine, unwillingly of course, but it helped me heal a bit. Today, I would like to share with you some insights I have learned about this medicine, which I call The P Inhaler.

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TV Diet (11): The Right TV diet

A TV diet is just like any diet – hard! Many times, when I talk to people about diets, they are very frustrated from trying and trying and not succeeding. People want fast results with no effort. If you feel like you want that for your kids TV diet – you are normal! Normal, but not very effective.

I think it is better to understand a diet before starting it is mainly, because a lack of understanding will almost guarantee your failure. I would not want that for you, because I would like to empower you to take control over your life, rather than feel disempowered and hand control over to your kids, especially regarding TV. As you are about to see, it is good to understand any diet as a lifestyle change, whether you want to lose weight, have more energy or ensure that your kids grow up to be smart, social and positive human beings.

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Happiness and Sorrow Boxes

This is a story about what to do with the happiness and sorrow in our life. I hope you like it.

At birth, God gave Adam two simple-looking gray boxes.

God said, “In one box, you will put all the wonderful moments of your life – the pleasures, the joys, the laughter and everything that makes you happy”.

“What about the second box?”

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TV Diet (10): Parents’ Influence

Parents do not like to admit, but their attitude and personality contributes a lot to their kids’ desire to watch TV. In this chapter of TV Diet, I will cover some of parents’ behaviors and personalities that drive kids to watch more and more TV.

As you read, I hope you do not find yourself there, but if you do, do not despair. You can turn things around. Of course, as is the “Family Matters” tradition, change will start with you and I will give you the solution (later in the series, so subscribe or come back to read).

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Make a list: If I Could Live Forever

I think time is one of the greatest challenges for humans. The notions of death and end affect many choices in our life. There are many things we do not do because we think they might take too long (or we might not have enough time). We believe it is essential to set our priorities, conserve our energy and choose our battles, but if we could live forever, life would be a totally fascinating ride.

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