Unless there is something wrong with them, all parents want their kids to be healthy and eat well. With so many supermarkets and so many items on the shelves that are mostly processed, full of food colors, additives and lots of sugar, keeping your kids healthy is not easy. Not easy, but more important than ever!
Every New Year’s Day gives people hope. I think it is in the air – vibes of a new start, vibes of new goals and many new desires for a new us, a new life and even a new world. We all want the good to increase and the not-so-good to shrink until it fully disappears and we wish that the new year will be full of health, wealth, love, friendship and happiness (what else is there?).
Read Emotional Bill of Rights »
Discomfort and pain are things most people do not like to experience and, to a certain extent, because of this, we have many problems in life. Pain and discomfort are ways of the body to let us know that something is wrong. We should be very thankful for this mechanism. Imagine us not experiencing pain when our hand is on fire.
What happened in the past has a great effect on our present. We take our experiences from what happened to us and add them to the bank of beliefs, thoughts and attitudes in our life. Sometimes, we place too much importance on past events and allow them to stop us from getting on with life.
Most, if not all the people in the world want to be happy. Happiness is also what parents want to give to their kids most of all – more than money, health and many other things. Yet, many people believe that in order to get the most happiness, they must avoid unpleasantness and hardship as much as they can.
If you think about it, from the day you are born, everyone around you tells you what is right and what is wrong. In previous generations, parents used “the carrot and the stick” to teach kids about right and wrong. Anger and punishment were the stick and smiles and rewards were the carrots. Some parents, following the example of their own parents, even used real sticks, belts and denying of physical touch as punishment, while using physical gestures like a hug and a kiss to say, “You’ve made me proud”.
Many couples in crisis get to this situation because they do not know each other well. Knowing each other is the first step in overcoming conflicts. In this part of “Save Your Marriage”, I am going to write about the importance of knowing your partner and teach you how to learn all there is to know about your partner. Getting to know your partner’s fears, joys, history and attitude are the first step of any relationship.
Think of marriage as a relationship between two onions. For a couple to get closer, they have to peel the layers of the onion one by one. In the beginning, when you meet a potential partner, you peel the thin external layers. As the relationship deepens, you need to peel more and more layers to discover the beautiful person hiding inside.
To understand, respect and love each other in our marriage, we must truly get to know the person sharing out life. Sometimes, just knowing what their fears are or their joys can change a whole life. I remember the first time Gal gave me his list of “50 things that make me happy” and I was surprised to find out he was happy about very little things. It was surprising, because we had lived together for over 15 years.
Assuming that if you live together you know everything is a bad idea. Even if we knew out partner well at some point, we still need to update ourselves and keep learning about them because, just like us, our partner changes with every event in their life.
If you ever go on a TV show of the “best married couple” type, they will ask how much you know about each other.
Why?
Because everyone assumes that knowing things about each other is essential to your success as a married couple.
Throughout my childhood, I often heard my parents talking about “making the right decisions”. I remember wondering many times, “What are the right decisions?” I remember the strongest feeling I had from what my parents thought about the right decisions was that decisions were always a matter of life and death.
Read Matters of Life and Death »
Two weeks ago, in part 6 of “Save Your Marriage”, I explained the influence of negative self-talk on relationships. Last week, in part 7, I gave an example of Sally talking to herself about her frustrations regarding her weight. In every relationship, when people talk to themselves about their problem with others in a negative way, things can easily be blown out of proportion.
Self-talk is a natural way of dealing with what happens to us in life and it is typical for men and women alike. It is when the self-talk turns all dark that things start going wrong.
This week, I want to let you in on Allan’s self-talk when planning to hang out with the guys.
Hanging out with the guys
Sally packed her bag and rushed to pick up the kids from music school. The phone rang and Dave was on the other end of the line.
“Hi Sally, I can’t get hold of Allan. Is he home already?”
“No”, said Sally, “He has a meeting till 6”.
“Can you please let him know we are planning to hang out with the guys on Friday?”
“Sure”, said Sally and hurried to her car. The thought of not having to cook on Friday was pleasing. She could take the kids out for a pizza, she thought happily.
Read More About Self Talk »
In “Save your marriage (part 6) – How to get things wrong”, I explained how negative self-talk becomes an obstacle in a marriage.
Although the story about the Jack was about a man, self-talk is typical for men and women alike. In this post, I give you two examples of such imaginary scenarios that can lead to relationship breakdown. I hope that you will be able to recognize yourself in them, learn to “catch yourself in the act”, and switch to positive self-talk and open communication with your partner.
Going Out for a Romantic Dinner
Allan called home from work and invited Sally to a restaurant for dinner. They had discussed this some time before and had both agreed they needed some time out, to refresh and renew the romance between them. Allan invited the babysitter, booked the restaurant and there was nothing Sally had to do but dress for the occasion.
Read Marriage and Self Talk »
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