Research Says: Friends Improve Sibling Relationships

Family Matters says: your attitude can improve them even more.

In psychological studies, the age gap between siblings is very important and is used to explain many behaviors and relationships. Can you imagine yourself lying on the shrink’s sofa and complaining about your brother who came into your life too early and took all the attention away from you?

In a research published by the Journal of Family Psychology, Dr. Laurie Kramer, professor of applied family studies at the University of Illinois, followed 28 sibling pairs from the age of 4 to adolescence and found that “a child’s socialization with friends before the arrival of a sibling can predict a more positive relationship between the siblings”.

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Change: Let Go of Your “‘Bananas”!

How do you trap a big monkey in a small cage the size of a banana? Easy! You place a banana inside the cage and leave an opening large enough for the monkey’s hand, but not for the banana.

As soon as the monkey grabs the banana, it is trapped! The monkey can set itself free if it lets go of the banana, but it won’t. By not giving up what it has in its hand, it locks itself just outside the tiny cage.

People are the same – we hold many “bananas” that keep us trapped in little “cages” – because we just won’t let go.

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Beliefs and Where They Come From

Every person in the universe is searching for happiness. Our thoughts about ourselves, our self esteem, are part of that one “map” that everyone is looking for, the one we think fits us all. But we all have different experiences and mindsets. Therefore, we each use a different map to guide us to our own happiness.

This post is part 3 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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How School Promotes Low Self Esteem

Last week, in Self Esteem Mini-Course (part 1), I wrote about the definition of self-esteem. This week, let us explore how school promotes low self-esteem in children and shapes our society in the opposite way.

Since our self-esteem is based on our perception of ourselves and school is the place we spend most of our time between the ages of 6 and 12, every school experience either increases or decreases our self-esteem.

This post is part 2 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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Your Kids Are as Smart as You Believe Them to Be

Our friends came for the weekend to our house to celebrate their daughter Tammy’s first birthday. We had finished a great breakfast and were cleaning the balcony, while my friend was preparing little Tammy a bottle of baby formula.

“I finished the formula box. Where is your recycling bin?”, she asked.

I looked at the big formula box she wanted to throw in the bin. “Are you sure you want to throw it away?”, I asked her.

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What Is Self Esteem?

I believe that every parent wants their kids to have high self-esteem, so I have decided to publish a few posts over the coming weeks about self-esteem, what it is and how to increase it, so every parent reading this will be able to help their kids develop this very important emotional strength.

So first, what is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is a reflection of a person’s overall appraisal of their own worth

In other words, self-esteem is the score each person gives their abilities and skills.

This post is part 1 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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The Truth? You Can’t Handle the Truth!

In a research done in 1971 by Gergen, he found that there are four things that need to happen for us to accept a message:

1. Authority: The person who is giving the message needs to be in a position to do that – knowledgeable, experienced, in power

2. Familiarity: The person who is giving the message is presented as someone close to us who knows us well – family, friend…

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Do You Really Believe That Setting a Goal Is Enough to Achieve It?

My immediate answer is “I wish”. I really do. Think about it – how easy it would be if all we needed is to set a goal, write it down (to make sure we will not change it often, based on circumstances) and let the universe take care of it, right?

But I am a person of action. I believe in motion as the ultimate way to growth and I that action speaks louder than words. While the universe is taking care of some of your goals, just because you wanted them, your actions will help you with the rest. When you set a goal and wait for an external source to fulfil it, you fail to help yourself and miss the opportunity to grow.

My Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) teacher did believe that it was enough. She said, “If you really, really want it, it will happen”, but I ask you, “How do you know if you really, really want something? When does your desire become ‘real’?”

When I want something, I can swear I really want it.

You see, some people set goals and do not achieve them, at least for a while, so they accept defeat by saying “Maybe I didn’t ‘really’ want this goal”.

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Travelling with Kids – Expanding the Horizon

Traveling, I think, is a wonderful experience for us all. Children can benefit from travelling even more than grownups, because travelling expands their knowledge, ideas, beliefs and boundaries. Many people ask me, “Why take kids on expensive trips if they cannot remember all the details?”

So I ask them, “Do you remember all the things that made you who you are today?”

We live in a very special era. We are exposed to things today that 100 years ago we could only dream of. Think for example, 100 years ago, only lucky people living next to the ocean knew how a whale sounded. Today, every 3-year-old can tell you how a whale sounds and looks.

Technology has helped a lot to bring the world to our homes. In the beginning, there were photos, then moving picture and now live telecasts, showing things as they happen. We heave reached a point where we do not leave home and we think we can experience life through the screens of our TV and our computer.

But we cannot!

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Make This World a Better Place

It’s looking around the world, at what is happening with starving people and violence, which makes me feel small and helpless sometimes. I can remember thinking about it ever since I was 15 years old, like Atlas, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I wrote poetry, listened to Joan Baez and wrote John Lennon’s words of “Imagine” on my notebooks.

Have you ever been asked about the teachers that influenced your life? Well, it’s happened to me quite a few times, and I’ve always given the same answer. Reuben.

It was in grade 11. I was on the school council and headed the newsletter committee. One day, five of us were sitting in the principal’s office, accompanied by the teacher who had supported us for the entire year. This teacher, Reuben, had a family of his own, yet he spent hours with us, during breaks and after school, something no other teacher ever did. He sat on “our” side, facing the principal, and moved our chairs into a circle, breaking the authoritative seating arrangement.

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Change: Let Go of Your “‘Bananas”!

Beliefs and Where They Come From

How School Promotes Low Self Esteem

Your Kids Are as Smart as You Believe Them to Be

What Is Self Esteem?

The Truth? You Can’t Handle the Truth!

Do You Really Believe That Setting a Goal Is Enough to Achieve It?

Travelling with Kids – Expanding the Horizon

Make This World a Better Place

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