Recently, I visited my dad, who is now 71 years old, for the second time in 9 years. The other time was 18 months before, around the time my mom died. Living by himself, he has braved household chores to the point of mastery, including some excellent cooking, which makes him really proud.
Marriage and Self Talk
In “Save your marriage (part 6) – How to get things wrong”, I explained how negative self-talk becomes an obstacle in a marriage.
Although the story about the Jack was about a man, self-talk is typical for men and women alike. In this post, I give you two examples of such imaginary scenarios that can lead to relationship breakdown. I hope that you will be able to recognize yourself in them, learn to “catch yourself in the act”, and switch to positive self-talk and open communication with your partner.
Going Out for a Romantic Dinner
Allan called home from work and invited Sally to a restaurant for dinner. They had discussed this some time before and had both agreed they needed some time out, to refresh and renew the romance between them. Allan invited the babysitter, booked the restaurant and there was nothing Sally had to do but dress for the occasion.
Read Marriage and Self Talk »
Wonderful Things to Say to My Daughters
Amanda and I sat together and wrote 100 things she could say to her daughters in a positive way. The first step to saying good things to your kids is to start with yourself. Take a sheet of paper and write 100 good things about yourself. Yes, I know it is not easy, especially if you have not heard it from your parents, but remember, you need these thoughts in your tank if you want to easily say them to your kids.
How to Get Things Wrong in a Marriage
One typical topic appearing in each couples’ counseling or coaching session is the lack of communication between them. It is not that they do not talk. They do, but they talk to themselves in a never-ending self-talk that happens to be negative.
One theory about the reason for marriage breakdown is that one or two of the married couple seem to be trapped in a conversation, in which they talk and they answer on behalf of their partner. In this conversation, their partner is critical and demanding, which makes them treat them with anger later on. When I ask them about their communication, they are very surprised to discover they never actually had these conversations with the other person.
Self-talk is a natural emotional outlet for people. Self-talk is the internal conversation a person has with himself or herself. It is the way to verbalize a person’s thoughts. Self-talk is a good way to handle stressful situations. When they are too overwhelming, people talk to themselves to find ways to handle the situation. They tell themselves the problem is not that big, they tell themselves they have solutions, they tell themselves things that will encourage them to “survive” the situation. Self-talk can be very helpful.
The problem in every relationship appears when the thoughts are negative and later on, the attitude towards the partner can be hostile and negative. People fearing a reaction may tell themselves things on behalf of their partner and react to them as if they have already happened.
Negative self-talk gives freedom to many feelings that do not support marriage like fear, jealousy, anger, frustration and even hate. Such feelings are fertile soil for divorce. It is impossible to find a divorcing couple having feelings of joy, happiness, love or satisfaction. In many cases after divorce, it takes years for people to awaken such feelings.
Our Baby Is All Grown Up
Despite parenting being a mixed bag and sometimes downright challenging, the presence of your child in your life is a constant. At the end of most days, your child comes home for dinner, shower, change of clothes, sleep and possibly some quality time. Even during their teens, when they come home later (or earlier, because it is already the next day ;), their haven is where you live.
But there comes a time, when kids leave home.
Read Our Baby Is All Grown Up »
Staying with his family or hers?
I remember it from the time I was young. We loved celebrating the holidays with my mom’s side of the family, where there were many kids and lots of space. Grandpa and Grandma gave us candy and we slept on the floor and stayed awake until late at night, sharing silly jokes. Dad’s side of the family was not as much fun and every year, when the time came and dad said we were celebrating with his family, we were counting the seconds for the holiday to end.
100 Exciting Activities for When Your Kids are Bored
Many parents struggle with keeping their kids busy. One of the things parents hate hearing the most is “I’m bored”. Parents are very busy nowadays and feel they need money to give their kids what they want.
Weekends and holidays are the main stressful times for parents and many of us need a holiday after the holidays to recover, because keeping the kids busy can be hard work.
But in fact, there are many fun and exciting activities you can do with your kids with little or no money at all. You just need to look around a bit.
13 Useful Conflict Resolution Steps You Need to Know
Today, we are going to explore the way conflicts influence self-esteem and how learning good conflict resolution can boost your self-esteem.
Most of our conflicts with others are caused by mixed or contradicting interests. One person wants something and the other wants something else, and many times, it is impossible to compromise because there is nothing in the middle, or at least, both parties THINK there is nothing in the middle.
The main problem with conflict is that it is a magnifier. If you have low self-esteem and you find yourself in conflict, your low self-esteem will become even lower and you will have more doubts about yourself.
Do Unto Others What Works
The quote “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you” is widely used by people as a “rule of thumb” for treating others. I must have heard it spoken to kids by their parents hundreds of times in different settings. But I am here to tell you that this way of thinking can get you into all kinds of strife and that if you review your relationships, you will find out how.
Just think for a moment about the many ways in which people vary: age, gender, job title, occupation…
Read Do Unto Others What Works »
Parents of Teenagers: This is How to Destroy Your Relationship
As you know, teenagers are very close to my heart. At the age of 16, I decided it was time for people to change their attitude towards teens if they want them to change their attitude towards their life and the adults in their life. Especially parents of teenagers.
I was a bit shocked to realize that the relationship I had with my parents from an early age had led us into constant conflict during my teen years.
Until that point, I thought all teens hated their parents. I thought all parents of teenagers lost their kids’ respect and trust during adolescence. I knew that having these thoughts did not help teenagers or their parents.
Read Parents of Teenagers: This is How to Destroy Your Relationship »