Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (7): What drives you nuts?

This entry is part 7 of 14 in the series Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss

Parenting can be a hard task. Although we love our kids very much, there are many things in parenting that can drive even the calmest person nuts.

When I ask parents about their challenges, they talk mostly about their kids’ (bad or annoying) behavior. However, I think that is a reflection of other challenges we have. As you will see from the top parenting bloggers’ answers below, parenting challenges are varied and reflect our wider perspective on parenting.

In this part of Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss, I asked each blogger about the things they find challenging as parents. I told them it did not have to be their kids’ behavior but in parenting in general or anything else directly or indirectly related to raising kids. I believe you will find what they have to say very interesting.

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Life Philosophy

Our story takes place somewhere in China in 1999. Ronit is in our hotel room, taking a nap, and I am walking around the yard with Eden (10) and Tsoof (4). We explore the pool and the various entertainment areas and we talk about philosophy.

I thought I would share this story with you because while I was telling these things to Eden in China, I learned a lot myself too. It made me feel good about choices that had previously been unconscious. I was also happy to get Eden thinking about the way she wanted to live, because most of my life had been handed down to me and I had lived it by habit and not by choice.

“There’s a nice story about Buddha, Confucius and Lao Tzu (the founder of Taoism) sampling pickles out of a barrel”, I said.

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Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (6): Education

This entry is part 6 of 14 in the series Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss

Whether we pay for it through taxes or fees, the education system is a service to us parents. Most parents, even if they can afford to stay home and be their kids’ teacher, would rather go to work and do something else. Although parents are the most important educators of their own kids, being a teacher is a whole different skill that would be unfair to expect every parent to master.

When we send our kids to school, we share an important part of parenting with others. Our kids spend 12 to 13 years of their life in the education system with other people who pass on their knowledge, values and attitudes to them. Sometimes, we can afford to choose these people directly, but often, we are bound by financial or geographical circumstances and we do not have much of a choice.

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Isn’t it Obvious?

All of our actions and words are done and said within a particular environment, physical conditions, emotional state, human company and various other circumstances. In a different situation, the same actions and words are likely to have completely different meaning.

Just imagine for a second your little toddler getting upset at you for putting her to bed and saying, “I hate you! Bad Mommy!” Now, imagine your teenage daughter leaving the house in a storm, all dressed up, made up and accessorized, turning to you before slamming the door and yelling, “I hate you! You’re such a bad mother!” Can you imagine this being said by your soon-to-be ex-husband during a divorce? Your mother after she has tried to tell you for the millionth time how to raise your kids and you have told her to shut up and butt out?

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Kids are Always Watching

Last week, I had a meeting with a government official about my parenting program “Happy Parents Raise Happy Kids”. We talked about how parenting programs focus on behavior management, which I find problematic.

Anyway, after a long conversation about parenting, the man asked me a tough question, “Well Ronit, if you could summarize the most important thing for parents in one sentence, what would that be?”

“Only one?” I asked, trying to buy time (this was like writing on twitter and only having 140 characters).

“Yes, Ronit, only one”, he smiled.

So I thought about it. It was painful. It would be easier to find 10 things than just one. Finally, I said…

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Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (5): Ideal Child

This entry is part 5 of 14 in the series Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss

The question “What’s an ideal child?” comes up many times in my parenting workshops. I find it fascinating to discover and re-discover that some parents have only a vague idea of what an ideal child should be like, yet they are disappointed with their own children for not being ideal.

Furthermore, much of these parents’ daily energy is spent on maximizing their kids’ academic achievements, but in their definition of the ideal child, there is no mention of academic achievement.

Our definition of the ideal child forms the framework of our parenting plan. Whether our definition is conscious or not, it still determines how we relate to our kids.

In this part of Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss, I asked each blogger to describe their ideal child. I find it interesting that each of them had a different definition of what it means to them.

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Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (3): Best Parent Qualities

This entry is part 3 of 14 in the series Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss

In the first post, our top parenting bloggers introduced themselves and their philosophy on life. In the second post, each parenting blogger gave their view on the top challenges of parenting (because knowing what we are facing is half the solution). Today, our top parenting bloggers discuss the best qualities parents should have. Like in […]

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Topsy Turvy World (1)

This entry is part 1 of 4 in the series Topsy Turvy World

The expression “topsy turvy” literally means “toppled top” or “upside down” and is typically used to describe a situation that is the opposite of what it should be. Today, I am going to describe some situations in which the world seems to operate contrary to how it “should”, but if we adapt the way we think, we can actually use this to our advantage.

Most people believe that when things are tough, more pressure is the answer. So they spend more time “on the job”, worry when they are not making progress and drain their physical resources by not getting enough nutrition, water and sleep.

Unfortunately, this typically only aggravates the situation, because memory and creativity are blocked in the brain by stress. When we are stressed, it is like a car being stuck in first gear with the pedal to the metal. The noise is horrible, the amount of energy spent is enormous, we get the most power, but we move only forward and only slowly.

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Dolphins

This weekend, Ronit and I went with the kids to Sea World. The weather was beautiful, we took our time and we only visited our favorite attractions. One of these was the dolphin show, featuring several of these magnificent creatures and their acrobatic abilities.

I came out of this show with two things on my mind:

1. It reminded me of a game we played during my life coaching course, which I would like to play with you and you can play with your kids

2. I saw highly intelligent creatures being reduced to performing pets through the overuse of immediate fish rewards, which I have seen many parents do too (not with fish, but you get the idea)

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Watch What You Say to Your Kids

This typically happens to parents with their children as they grow up. When babies are born, they can sleep for hours, make a mess, not answer your questions, look away when you talk, pee on you and cry loudly, no matter what you are trying to do at the time. And that is OK. In fact, whatever they do is great.

But if a toddler cries in the middle of the supermarket, the pressure is on. “I want you to stop crying right now! You’re embarrassing me in front of all these people. Just sit in the trolley and be quiet”.

About 10 years later, it becomes “Why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”

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