emotional intelligence Tag | Page 78 of 82

Your Self-Esteem Checklist

For people to think highly of themselves, they need to be aware of every aspect of the self and identify their own personal scale to measure their performance. Most people are so used to defining themselves based on others around them that I can understand why this is not an easy task. Easy it may not be, but it is possible and, I believe, essential.

Last week, in Service Your Self-Esteem, we talked about essential rules to increase self-esteem. To increase our self-esteem, we need to look at ourselves carefully and examine each part of what creates the self.

Last week, we met Eli, my mechanic, and talked about his checklist for car maintenance, the one he uses before returning each car to its owner. Well, here (at last) is a self-esteem checklist – your very own list of the parts of your self-esteem.

This post is part 6 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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Expect to Be a Happy Parent

One major difference I see between happy parents and unhappy parents is in the gap between their expectations and the fulfilment of their expectations. Basically, if your expectations are high and are not fulfilled, you will be disappointed and unhappy. However, if most of your expectations are fulfilled, you will be a satisfied and happy parent.

Expectations are one important factor of happiness. Byron Katie does some wonderful work (she even calls it “The Work”) on how our expectations can make us miserable if they do not match reality (read Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life).

Children living in a family with expectations that are too high to be fulfilled feel inadequate and develop a failure identity. For example, a family of musicians with high expectation from their kids regarding their musical aspirations and abilities would be devastating for a kid whose passion is playing soccer.

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Service Your Self-Esteem

Last month, I sent my car to be serviced. On the front window, my mechanic put a label telling me when to bring the car to him for the next service. When he returned my car, it drove perfectly, quietly, smoothly, swiftly and without any black smoke coming out of the exhaust pipe.

People are a lot like cars. We function well, smoothly and at full speed when we take good care of ourselves. When we neglect ourselves, we feel bad, rejected and frustrated and our performance suffers. Whereas cars need servicing every 10,000km, people need it roughly every week (10,000 minutes), so take care of yourself at least once a week to feel fresh and shiny.

This post is part 5 of 20 in the series Self Esteem Mini-Course

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Research Says: Friends Improve Sibling Relationships

Family Matters says: your attitude can improve them even more.

In psychological studies, the age gap between siblings is very important and is used to explain many behaviors and relationships. Can you imagine yourself lying on the shrink’s sofa and complaining about your brother who came into your life too early and took all the attention away from you?

In a research published by the Journal of Family Psychology, Dr. Laurie Kramer, professor of applied family studies at the University of Illinois, followed 28 sibling pairs from the age of 4 to adolescence and found that “a child’s socialization with friends before the arrival of a sibling can predict a more positive relationship between the siblings”.

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Teen Birthday Parties: Who Needs Them Anyway?

It was the third birthday our daughter had refused to celebrate with friends. For her 17th birthday, she invited a couple of girls to go out for a movie. For her 18th birthday, she spent the day crying because it was her grandmother’s funeral (and her dad was away to attend).

When she approached her 19th birthday, we had the same discussions about a party all over again.

When I was kid, most of the kids wanted to have a party, at least on their birthdays. Only the “rich” kids could have parties every year. Some rare kids had parties more than once a year and those were obviously the most popular.

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Change: Let Go of Your “‘Bananas”!

How do you trap a big monkey in a small cage the size of a banana? Easy! You place a banana inside the cage and leave an opening large enough for the monkey’s hand, but not for the banana.

As soon as the monkey grabs the banana, it is trapped! The monkey can set itself free if it lets go of the banana, but it won’t. By not giving up what it has in its hand, it locks itself just outside the tiny cage.

People are the same – we hold many “bananas” that keep us trapped in little “cages” – because we just won’t let go.

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Should my child repeat a year at school or not?

This question usually comes up after a teacher tells a child’s parents that the child is not keeping up with their schoolwork. Often, the teacher actually suggests that the child repeat a year.

However, although the indication given is academic, the problem is most often emotional.

If the reason for the child’s poor performance is academic, I believe there is no point repeating a year. If there is a real difficulty, time is not the cure!

It is better to offer special support to the child during and after school, or in extreme cases, in a special school.

However…

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Are Your Ready?

It all started when our daughter Eden was a year and a half old. She had Pneumonia and high fever and she wheezed all day.

After one dose of Antibiotics (by the way, 18 years ago, it was every 6 hours, even if it meant waking her up at night), we had about a week or two off and the wheezing started again.

First kid, young parents, we went straight to see our baby specialist. He was the head of the Pediatric Ward at our local hospital and we went to his private clinic every time something happened.

About 4 months later, we found ourselves in his private clinic again. It was Pneumonia the fourth time. During that time, Eden had red, dry cheeks, high fever (every time she was not on any medication) and wheezing, wheezing all day.

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My kids don’t eat the food I make. What should I do?

Kids’ eating habits are very important for parents and it is very frustrating to prepare food and find out your kids do not like it.

If you look at this issue from an emotional point of view, it has to do with control. Your kids are exercising control over what and when they eat, while you try to keep that control. Once you look at it this way, though, the solution is simple.

Here are some great things that will get your kids to eat well.

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Your Kids Are as Smart as You Believe Them to Be

Our friends came for the weekend to our house to celebrate their daughter Tammy’s first birthday. We had finished a great breakfast and were cleaning the balcony, while my friend was preparing little Tammy a bottle of baby formula.

“I finished the formula box. Where is your recycling bin?”, she asked.

I looked at the big formula box she wanted to throw in the bin. “Are you sure you want to throw it away?”, I asked her.

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