Assertive people have sets of beliefs that help them to be assertive. If you want to find out what you need to do to become an assertive person, examine your beliefs.
Here is a set of questions to help you examine your beliefs:
– What do I think about this belief?
– Where did I get this belief (past outcome, education, media, environment, creative thinking)?
– How old was I when I adopted this belief?
– Is this belief good for me to have?
Read Beliefs of Assertive People »
Last week, in Assertiveness and Self Esteem, I touched on assertiveness as a tool to build self-esteem. I believe there is much to learn and the benefits from this learning are wonderful. So today, I’m going to tell you how to be assertive.
Communication is an important part of everyone’s life and conflicts are inevitable. No two people react the same way to all situations. If you choose the aggressive approach, either physical or verbal, you risk the relationship, but if you choose the passive approach, you risk the relationship too.
An assertive approach from both parties can contribute a lot to the communication and the relationship between the two parties.
Read How to Be Assertive »
Happily married couples say that marriage has taught them to accept each other’s strengths and possibilities. They argue that by doing that, they transform themselves from the ordinary to the extraordinary.
Therefore, marriage is an “enabling” situation, providing the freedom for each person to be who they really are, to reach for the stars and discover what they are meant to be without ridicule or rejection.
After all, it is a question of attitude. When you are happy, you are able to grow and evolve. With the right attitude, every honeymoon excitement can last longer.
Many of us have read reports, which drive home the message that married people are healthier and happier, and therefore live longer than single or celibate individuals do.
Read The Marriage Institution »
Today, let’s talk about assertiveness and self-esteem. You will see how being assertive cures the “disease to please” and get useful, practical tips for increasing your own assertiveness and that of your kids.
I am sure this has happened to you before. Something happened, you felt uncomfortable, but said nothing. Some time later, you thought, “I should have said this” or “I should have told them what I thought”.
The expression “should have” indicates disappointment. Using it does not support self-esteem and makes you feel weak but we all have it some way or another. “Should have” is telling yourself you regret not having handled a situation differently or allowing someone to bully you.
If you use this expression often, you probably need to take an assertiveness pill. I am sure you have heard about assertiveness, but what is it really?
It is amazing how many people struggle with the list of 100 things they want to do in their life time. Life becomes so hectic and difficult for most people that they can only focus on what is going to happen today, tomorrow, next month and maybe, only maybe, next year.
I think if you scanned people’s brain, you would find that their brain is busy, busy, busy, thinking about the dishes, the bills, the alarm clock and shopping with only small breaks for planning next month’s birthday party.
Most people are in survival mode. When I ask about next year or what is going to happen in ten years, they look at me as if I fell from the sky.
When I decided to write the post, after many requests, I was not sure if I should call it “5 Common Parenting Mistakes”. You see, calling something a mistake is a form of judgment, like saying there is a right way to do something.
But I do not believe there is a right way. I think there are many ways and they need to suit the person who implements them.
When I studied my Special Education degree, I learned hundreds, if not thousands, of education and psychology theories. It may sound surprising to you, but some of them were in contradiction with others.
Read 5 Common Parenting Mistakes »
Every person dreams about extreme happiness. That’s a time when we do only the things we want, spend most of our time with the people we love the most, have the money to give ourselves everything we want and are at the peak of our health. In short, our life is perfect.
I think most of our energy in life is spent on bridging the gap between our reality and our dreams, but this energy is wasted if we do not know where we are going.
Many people, when I ask them about what is going to happen in ten years, they say they do not know. I wonder how they can bring themselves to that day without knowing that is where they are going. Most people feel they have no control over what is going to happen in ten years, so they give up planning.
Soon, Gal and I are going to celebrate our 28 years of our life together. Every year that passes, we get more and more requests for our relationship program from people who are considering divorce.
The good news is that they look for solutions before they “turn off the light and send the actors home”. The bad news is they are in an emotional turmoil and are very very unhappy.
If you have seen the movie Mrs Doubtfire or Kramer vs. Kramer, you have probably had a glimpse of what it means to divorce, although a movie cannot describe even a small portion of the emotional stress people go through when they think about separating.
I remember the days before we bought our second home. Our family told us to buy a place that would fit all our kids into it. Our daughter Eden was just 1 year old and we fell into that trap of thinking 15 years ahead. We never thought about sleep over mania.
The place we bought was a huge apartment with a special room for a teenager. We lived there for about a year and a half and the spare rooms stood empty all this time.
Gal and I, not really having our own rooms most of our childhoods, really wanted our kids to have their own separate rooms. So whenever we moved (by the time Eden was 19, she had lived in 17 different homes), we looked for a house that had space for each of the kids, but things did not work out as we expected.
Read Sleep Over All Year Round »
I have learned that life is short. You never know when will be the last day of your life. If there is anything you know you will regret not doing or saying, do it or say it now!
I have learned that children are the most precious thing for every mother and father. Dedicate time to your kids. Raising kids does not mean feeding them, sending them to school and doing their laundry. Raising kids is more about loving them and being with them. Spend time with your kids even if they already have kids of their own.
I have learned that writing a journal is a way to keep the memory of who we are. When I keep a journal, I can read it and get to know myself years after I am not that person anymore.
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