Assertive people have sets of beliefs that help them to be assertive. If you want to find out what you need to do to become an assertive person, examine your beliefs.
Here is a set of questions to help you examine your beliefs:
– What do I think about this belief?
– Where did I get this belief (past outcome, education, media, environment, creative thinking)?
– How old was I when I adopted this belief?
– Is this belief good for me to have?
Read Beliefs of Assertive People »
Last week, in Assertiveness and Self Esteem, I touched on assertiveness as a tool to build self-esteem. I believe there is much to learn and the benefits from this learning are wonderful. So today, I’m going to tell you how to be assertive.
Communication is an important part of everyone’s life and conflicts are inevitable. No two people react the same way to all situations. If you choose the aggressive approach, either physical or verbal, you risk the relationship, but if you choose the passive approach, you risk the relationship too.
An assertive approach from both parties can contribute a lot to the communication and the relationship between the two parties.
Read How to Be Assertive »
Today, let’s talk about assertiveness and self-esteem. You will see how being assertive cures the “disease to please” and get useful, practical tips for increasing your own assertiveness and that of your kids.
I am sure this has happened to you before. Something happened, you felt uncomfortable, but said nothing. Some time later, you thought, “I should have said this” or “I should have told them what I thought”.
The expression “should have” indicates disappointment. Using it does not support self-esteem and makes you feel weak but we all have it some way or another. “Should have” is telling yourself you regret not having handled a situation differently or allowing someone to bully you.
If you use this expression often, you probably need to take an assertiveness pill. I am sure you have heard about assertiveness, but what is it really?
It is amazing how many people struggle with the list of 100 things they want to do in their life time. Life becomes so hectic and difficult for most people that they can only focus on what is going to happen today, tomorrow, next month and maybe, only maybe, next year.
I think if you scanned people’s brain, you would find that their brain is busy, busy, busy, thinking about the dishes, the bills, the alarm clock and shopping with only small breaks for planning next month’s birthday party.
Most people are in survival mode. When I ask about next year or what is going to happen in ten years, they look at me as if I fell from the sky.
Every person dreams about extreme happiness. That’s a time when we do only the things we want, spend most of our time with the people we love the most, have the money to give ourselves everything we want and are at the peak of our health. In short, our life is perfect.
I think most of our energy in life is spent on bridging the gap between our reality and our dreams, but this energy is wasted if we do not know where we are going.
Many people, when I ask them about what is going to happen in ten years, they say they do not know. I wonder how they can bring themselves to that day without knowing that is where they are going. Most people feel they have no control over what is going to happen in ten years, so they give up planning.
Last week, on our way back home from a weekend at friends’ house, our 12-year-old son Tsoof asked if we thought he was a “super kid”.
In the past year, we talked to him a lot about three kids in his music department that everyone, including us, thinks of as “super kids”. They are older than Tsoof and are very very very smart and talented. All three of them are wonderful role models for him.
Well, this made us wonder about Tsoof too.
Tsoof was born 12 years ago in California after a lot of heartache and waiting. By the age of 4, he had already lived in 4 countries with two languages and travelled to 6 other countries as a fun-loving, happy and curious child.
Read Super Kids: When Academic Success is Just a Side Effect »
These days, networking is synonymous with success. Networking is also the key to a good social life.
No matter how big our house is, how colourful our car is, how powerful our computers are or how many academic degrees we have, it is the ability to establish good relationships with our family, our friends, our customers, our colleagues and, perhaps more than anything else, with people we do not know, that determines our success in life.
At school, we get the idea that the more knowledge we gain, the more successful we will be in life. This intellectual focus on life is still practiced in many places around the world.
In fact, “It’s not WHAT you know, it’s WHO you know”.
Read Networking for Kids »
It is an amazing experience to be an educator because teaching is to giving like learning is to receiving. We teachers have the greatest learning while we teach. My meeting with John was living proof of this concept.
I published a newsletter about worth, which had a wonderful impact on many readers. I received many encouraging and supporting responses.
Since then, I have told so many people about John and helped them find the answer to the big questions in life that I would like to share it with you and thank John for giving me one of the best lessons in my life. I hope you take the learning from it too.
Read What Do I Want? »
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