Family Matters

Have you ever wondered who inspires me?

Well, I thought about this and realized there were parents’ bloggers whose writing I love to read and they inspire me to be the best I can be, because this is their motto too – to be the best parents they can be.

I think these top parenting bloggers are at peace with what they believe, while they appreciate other philosophies. I think they are passionate about what they do and all of them strive to help others make the parenting journey a happy, healthy and joyous adventure, which makes them the top parenting bloggers by my definition.

So for the next 14 weeks, the top parenting bloggers will be discussing different aspects of parenting right here on Family Matters.

When Gal was a working dad, he spent his time far away from lots of the things that happened at home. He was a working dad for over 16 years. Luckily for us, he was not the working late type of dad, more like a 9 to 5 version, but you know that unless your workplace is a 2-minute walk from home, commute becomes a big time waster too. If you add up rush-hour traffic, for the kids (and myself), Gal was away every day of the week from 7 to 5:30 (and I have to say that at work, he was the only one that said “no” to working late or going out for drinks, because he wanted to have dinner with the kids every night and put them to sleep).

Gal had to make a lot of efforts to come home in time for dinner. I think it was a constant struggle. Working in IT companies, where working until midnight and not having a life was the norm, keeping his family values was not easy.

You are probably asking yourself by now why I am writing this.

I am writing for all the dads reading this blog and also for all the moms in hope I can make a difference.

Last year, I wrote a post about the 8 worst ways to treat your kids. I get comments on my posts – some of them support my views, while some of them disagree or challenge the ideas I write about – and this post was no different. You probably know that bloggers love comments, but it may be surprising to you that bloggers absolutely love the challenging ones, because they create even more opportunities to write their opinions.

Recently, I received a comment from Sandie, a mother who thought my top 8 tips were “out of line”.

I started writing back, but then I realized it probably needed a bit more attention, so here is Sandie’s comment and my reply. Enjoy!

Loving another person is one thing, but making the other person feel your love is another matter altogether. Differences in communication styles may get in the way, love languages may not match and other circumstances may interfere.

So what you need to do is make your declaration of love stand out so big it simply cannot be ignored or overlooked.

And what better teachers do we have for this but our very own kids?

One day, our 8-year-old daughter Noff came back from school with a bookmark she had made at school. She brought it home with the utmost care, showed it to everyone and told us it was a special bookmark she had made for us and offered it to us to use for our books.

From time to time, being so involved with parents and parenting, people send us stories and video clips about special parents who truly go above and beyond what most people would do for their kids. It makes me wonder about what parents are made of.

Imagine you are in the delivery room, having your baby boy. You are overjoyed, until the doctor examines him. You already know something is not right and then you hear this, “I’m terribly sorry, but your son was born with no eyes and with a certain debilitating problem in the joints that will make his movements very limited”.

If you are feeling the urge to get up and run for your life, away from the enormous burden of dependence, struggle and hopelessness, please stop for the next 6 minutes and see how a special pair of parents, especially the father, have handled such a fate and turned it around into the most inspiring story of dedication and triumph over the odds.

Being efficient is every parent’s dream. Time is a limited resource and the faster we do things, the more time we have left to spend with our kids. So when I meet “the girls” for an evening out, we always talk about household stuff and share ideas.

Making dinner is one particular task that takes lots of energy. I have heard many parents saying they come home at the end of a working day and start making dinner. As you know, if you do not buy fresh meat just before you cook it, you may need to take it out of the freezer and wait for it to thaw or spend valuable time to defrost it in the microwave or in tons of running water.

Last month, I visited my sisters and nephews. One of my sisters is in her late 30’s and the other is in her early 40’s and both became moms just last year. For years, they had lived on their own and managed a household perfectly, but when their babies arrived, they started dedicating most of their time to their “bundle of joy” and managing their house became a challenge.

Although it seem like a gradual progression from living on your own to living with a partner and then living with kids, the shift from managing a house as a couple to managing a house with kids is huge and can shake the most organized people just as it happened to my sisters.

As a parent, you probably remember yourself saying, “I don’t have a spare second to do the basic things anymore”. My younger sister was happy simply because I was with her baby so she could take a shower in the middle of the day. “Sometimes, I don’t have time to eat”, she said.

A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in High School by telling them the difference each of them had made. She called each student to the front of the class, one at a time. First, she told each of them how they had made a difference to her, and the class. Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon, imprinted with gold letters, which read, “Who I Am Makes a Difference.”

Afterwards, the teacher decided to do a class project, to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a Community. She gave each student three more blue ribbons, and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom, and report to the class in about a week.

Every economic crisis brings to the work–life juggling act out of balance. The greater the economic crisis, the harder it is for families to maintain their lifestyle and values and therefore questions what work-life balance is.

Everywhere around the world what was considered proper work-life balance is no longer the same as it was 50 years ago. Whereas in the past, the working 9 to 5 seemed to be demanding, today, working 9 to 5 as a parent is a rare luxury.

Are you feeling some of this too?

As you may know, Ronit is away now for over 3 weeks. She is away just before the end of the school year in Australia, when ceremonies and special events abound and when “my plate” fuller than ever with things to do, not to mention the printing of her new book.

We have never had to separate like this before. It was always me who went away for military service or business. When Ronit went away once, the kids went with her and I only had to take care of myself.

Many men I know would be pretty scared in my situation. Many women I know would do anything to avoid leaving their kids with their husbands for extended periods, saying the men would have no idea how to handle the kids. “They couldn’t boil an egg to save their life”, some of them say.

The truth is I was scared of this too, but not for the same reasons.