Emotional Intelligence Category

Posts about recognising and managing your emotions and supporting others emotionally

Is Free Choice Real? How Pressure Affects Our Decisions

The concept of free choice has been examined since the dawn of time across all traditions and philosophies. At any moment of life, we are constantly choosing. We are choosing what to say, what to think, what to do, how to do it… It makes me wonder: do we truly have free choice?

The question here is not about choice but about freedom.

We always have a choice, but we don’t always have free choice. Even choosing not to choose is still a choice.

The concept of free choice has fascinated philosophers, psychologists, and spiritual traditions for thousands of years. The debate between free will and determinism has never been fully resolved.

Even in the Bible, after Cain killed his brother Abel, God told him that he had the freedom to choose, but did he?

For centuries, you can see many books and movies focusing on the same dilemma.

Do we really have free choice, or are our decisions determined by forces we cannot see?

As a life coach, I teach people to choose every day. I can tell you that as a mother, I do exactly the same thing. My eldest is now 37 years old, and I have practiced teaching her to choose for many years.

I chose the slogan “Happiness is a Choice” for my Be Happy in Life business many years ago because choosing is a big thing for me. I believe in all my heart that happiness is a choice but maybe it is not a free choice.

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The Magic Ratio of Give and Take in Relationships

Hugging is an equal act of giving and taking in relationship

In any relationship, there is a give and take. If we want a relationship to work, the balance between giving and taking needs to suit both parties. If one party is giving all the time and feel they take nothing or take less, this is when trouble begins.

Most people think that give and take needs to be equal. I think it can’t because the definition of equal is different to different people. Do we speak the same words? Do we complement exactly the same amount? Do we take turns causing heartache and pain? Or giving gifts?

Let’s explore this idea of “give and take” in relationships and figure out the magic ratio.

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How Silence Improves Mental Health and Clarity

Quiet reflection showing how silence improves mental health

We live in a world that rarely pauses. Notifications, conversations, responsibilities, and expectations follow us everywhere. In this constant noise, our mental health is often the first thing to suffer.

What many people don’t realize is that one of the most powerful and accessible tools for emotional wellbeing is silence. Research, psychology, and lived experience all point to the same conclusion: silence improves mental health.

Silence is not emptiness. It is a state where the nervous system can settle, emotions can be processed, and clarity can emerge. When external noise fades, the internal world becomes more visible. This is why silence improves mental health not only by reducing stress, but by increasing self-awareness, emotional regulation, and inner stability.

As the final chapter in The Power of Silence series, this article brings everything together. We explore how silence improves mental health, strengthens emotional intelligence, supports decision-making, and helps us reconnect with ourselves in a sustainable, realistic way.

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Turn on Your Motivation Switch with the Dopamine Reward System

I have been researching motivation for over 40 years. It started when I studied special education and realized that teaching people things without their ability to absorb it is a waste of energy. It was the first time ever I have learned about the motivation switch.

I was learning teaching techniques which were wonderful, but what made them successful was not my skills only but the person’s ability to receive.

This led me to the greatest philosophy in all my career. “It is not about what I have to give you, but what you are able to take”.

Motivation determines the ability to take what the world outside gives us. Motivation gives us the ability to be able to recognize what the world outside of us offers and only then the process of “taking” becomes active.

In my book “motivating kids” I explained how to turn on the motivation switch for children. In this post, I want to explain the brain function that builds this motivation from the inside and give you tricks and techniques to turn the motivation switch and stimulate motivation internally.

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Meditation with Sudoku: A Simple Way to Calm the Mind

In a world that constantly pulls our attention in countless directions, meditation doesn’t always have to look like sitting still with closed eyes. Sometimes, it arrives quietly through focus.

Meditation with sudoku happens when the mind settles into the present moment, distractions fade, and thinking becomes calm rather than rushed. With each number placed, awareness deepens, the nervous system begins to slow, and the gentle rhythm of problem-solving turns into a mindful practice.

Meditation with sudoku reminds us that calm can be found not only in stillness, but also in focused, mindful engagement.

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Home Silence Retreat: A Simple Guide to Restoring Calm and Clarity

Peaceful living room space set up for a home silence retreat

Silence retreats can feel magical, but you don’t need a mountain monastery, a forest lodge, or a meditation center to experience their power. You can create the same transformation right where you live. A home silence retreat works because the real shift isn’t the location, it’s the intention.

When you choose silence on purpose, even the simplest moments become restorative. The kitchen becomes a sanctuary. Your bedroom becomes a quiet nest. Your living room becomes a gentle invitation to slow down.

In 2014, psychologist Dr. Emma Seppälä studied the effects of short, structured silence periods and found that even brief retreats improved emotional regulation and reduced anxiety. Her conclusion was simple: you don’t need a long getaway—what you really need is uninterrupted quiet.

That’s the beauty of a home silence retreat.

It’s flexible, comforting, warm, familiar, and accessible to everyone in the household.

Read Home Silence Retreat: A Simple Guide to Restoring Calm and Clarity »

Silence Retreat Benefits: What Really Happens When the Noise Stops

Peaceful meditation area at a silence retreat in nature

We live in a world where silence has become a rare luxury. Notifications buzz, conversations overlap, screens glow, and our nervous system works overtime just trying to keep up. At some point, the noise becomes so normal that we forget what it feels like to not be surrounded by it.

This is why silence retreats are growing in popularity worldwide. And the surprising thing? People aren’t going because they’re stressed—although many are. They’re going because somewhere deep inside, they feel a pull toward quiet. A longing. A craving.

As much as it is hard to believe, this longing is biological.

We Need to Step Away From Constant Stimulation. Silence retreats have many benefits.

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Emotional Coping Mechanisms: The Hidden Ways We React When We Feel Threatened

Self awareness and choice facing a crossroad as emotional coping mechanism

Most of us like to believe that we are consistent people — that we respond thoughtfully, communicate clearly, and stay connected even under pressure.

And yet, the moment we feel criticized, rejected, overwhelmed, or emotionally unsafe, something shifts.

We raise our voice, we shut down, we please, we joke, we attack.

These reactions are not character flaws. They are emotional coping mechanisms — automatic strategies we learned to survive moments of emotional threat.

Virginia Satir, one of the most influential figures in family therapy, understood this deeply. She observed that when emotional safety disappears, authenticity disappears with it — and coping takes over.

Understanding these emotional coping mechanisms is one of the most powerful steps toward healthier relationships, conscious parenting, and emotional freedom.

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Silence in Relationships: How Quiet Moments Create Connection

The power of silence in relationships: couple having a quiet moment together

When we talk about relationships, we immediately imagine a cuddling couple full of love. When we think relationship breakup, we think there is a communication breakup. There is some truth in it, but communication is not always what is said but also what is transferred in silence.

In a world where everyone seems to be in a hurry to speak, explain, defend, or correct, silence in relationships can feel unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable. But silence is not the absence of communication; it is a form of communication. And in relationships, especially long-term ones, the moments between the words often matter more than the words themselves.

I like to think of conversations as dance. When both people move in rhythm, it feels effortless. But when both pull in different directions, someone gets stepped on. Silence is the moment where both partners pause long enough to feel each other, to sense the rhythm and feel the music again.

In my relationship coaching program, I get many couples coming “minutes” before they divorce claiming they “don’t communicate well” and I am there to tell them it has nothing to do with communication but everything to do with safety.

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Comfort Zone: How to Overcome the Illusion

Butterfly - it lives because it had the courage to get out of the comfort zone of its cocoon

Life is not easy. From the moment we are born, we cry for every discomfort. As we grow, we keep crying, but we do it in different ways. Complaints, judgment, criticism, expressing frustration, disappointment, or anger are all forms of expressing discomfort.

Because we do it all our life, we think that comfort is the goal in life. We search for easy choices, for comfort, and dedicate all our energy to finding that zone — the comfort zone. However, the comfort zone is an illusion.

Think of the definition of “comfort.” Comfort is a state of physical and emotional ease and freedom from pain or constraint. An ease or alleviation of a person’s feelings of grief or distress.

In simple words: it is a sense of freedom from emotional or physical pain, but the comfort zone is simply an illusion. We can’t grow, we can’t evolve, we can’t progress without pain.

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